Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Vampricone6783 must not be bothered…

by vampricone6783


*Hello. This is a story with my YWS persona. You can read more from my story “The origin of Vampricone6783”. Gacha Club Character designs are on my wall. I hope you enjoy!

Deep in an abandoned circus, there was a blue-haired clown girl by the name of “Vampricone6783” who wrote stories, stories she heard from lost souls screaming for help and who needed to be heard.

She had an important job. All around her, there were people who were hurt or destroyed. Often, they would communicate with Vampricone6783 through her mind and she wrote their stories down, saving the souls who needed her help.

But sometimes, annoying humans would try to bother her.

Like right now.

She could hear three teenage girls going on and on about how horribly stupid and weird clowns were and how much they hated them.

Vampricone6783 could guess that they skipped school to venture into her circus tent and speak to her.

So, she patiently waited for them to arrive.

“She could have chosen to be anything, why did she choose to be a clown?”

“You know, clowns are really annoying. No one even likes them or ever did. Just why?”

“You know what I’d like to say to Vampircone6783?  I’d like to tell her she’s the ugliest thing in the world-“

“And I would like you to stop yapping. Seriously, it’s giving me a migraine. Do you want me to haunt your dreams?  I can do that, you know.”

The girls stared at Vampricone6783. They had just walked in her tent and she was in her demon clown form, at 7’9 (normally she was 6’3), and glaring at them.

“Do you ever think about what you’re saying?”  She asked. It was very concerning, in all honesty.

They shook their heads, frightened out of their minds.

“Leave before I decide to follow you.”

The girls all ran back home, while Vampricone6783 got back to typing on her typewriter. (There’s no internet service in a circus.)

She wouldn’t have actually followed them. 

But they didn’t know that. Besides, they were invading her space. She would say anything to get people to leave her alone.

And what she said was effective.


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19 Reviews


Points: 605
Reviews: 19

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Sun Jan 29, 2023 12:29 am
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GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! I’m here to give a review. I hadn’t read the origin story because I couldn’t find it, but I decided to read this anyways.

I really like clown characters because I feel like they have so much potential: they could be scary clowns, happy clowns, goofy clowns, or even sad clowns. Vampricone has a sarcastic personality but I think it worked well. I like the exposition you give in the beginning about what Vampricone does.

However, I think you may need to work on showing vs telling. I noticed this most when you said the girls were scared of vampricone. Rather than telling the reader they were scared, try to add details about their body language. When people are scared, they have wide eyes, they shake, and they scream and stuff. Try incorporating some of these details into the story 😁

Overall, really creative story apthat I enjoyed reading,

—GengarIsBestBoy




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3850 Reviews


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Reviews: 3850

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Wed Jan 25, 2023 4:28 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a really interesting tale here. I somehow never ended up reading the origin story but reading this is making me want to go peek at it because we've got a really interesting tale here. Its a really fun read.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Deep in an abandoned circus, there was a blue-haired clown girl by the name of “Vampricone6783” who wrote stories, stories she heard from lost souls screaming for help and who needed to be heard.

She had an important job. All around her, there were people who were hurt or destroyed. Often, they would communicate with Vampricone6783 through her mind and she wrote their stories down, saving the souls who needed her help.

But sometimes, annoying humans would try to bother her.


Ooooh well this is quite the point to start off. I am already loving the way you summarize the idea of how vampricone came to be there and we get a nice look at how that works. That's a really interesting way to put how stories like the ones you write came to be I think. And then the way you set up what appears to be the main conflict here is quite nice there.

Like right now.

She could hear three teenage girls going on and on about how horribly stupid and weird clowns were and how much they hated them.

Vampricone6783 could guess that they skipped school to venture into her circus tent and speak to her.

So, she patiently waited for them to arrive.


Oooh well this looks like its not going to end too well for these people. It seems they're just being very carless about where they're choosing to express that particular opinion there. Vampricone certainly doesn't seem very happy about hearing any of that.

“She could have chosen to be anything, why did she choose to be a clown?”

“You know, clowns are really annoying. No one even likes them or ever did. Just why?”

“You know what I’d like to say to Vampircone6783? I’d like to tell her she’s the ugliest thing in the world-“

“And I would like you to stop yapping. Seriously, it’s giving me a migraine. Do you want me to haunt your dreams? I can do that, you know.”

The girls stared at Vampricone6783. They had just walked in her tent and she was in her demon clown form, at 7’9 (normally she was 6’3), and glaring at them.


Ooooh well that doesn't exactly come as a surprise there given what those girls were trying to do. Love the way that you go about that one, just immediately driving home to them that they are in some serious trouble. Love the little jumpscare. Its a bit cheesy but you've done it pretty well here and its quite effective.

“Do you ever think about what you’re saying?” She asked. It was very concerning, in all honesty.

They shook their heads, frightened out of their minds.

“Leave before I decide to follow you.”

The girls all ran back home, while Vampricone6783 got back to typing on her typewriter. (There’s no internet service in a circus.)

She wouldn’t have actually followed them.

But they didn’t know that. Besides, they were invading her space. She would say anything to get people to leave her alone.

And what she said was effective.


Oooh love this ending here. It gives vampricone a very interesting vibe there, not malicious, just wanting to be left alone and willing to dish out a few threats there to ensure that people don't take advantage and the same person doesn't end up harassing them more than one time.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall yet another style of story I've seen from you and yet another one that's really quite enjoyable. A slightly different vibe to most as well because the sort of antagonist ish person here is the same as the protagonist and simply just wants to be left in peace. A solid little piece here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





Change isn't inherently good, but you can't stop it, so let's just enjoy the ride. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— TheSilverFox