Young Writers Society

Hi! This is Orabella, here to give you a short review.

This is so sad... Those poor little girls...

I love that you keep repeating that line - "two little girls" - That's a powerful way to keep the reader centered on these two, but also make it interesting and important.

The rhyming is spot on. I just love rhymes in poems; it's fine if they don't have them, but to me, they make it better. But I think later on, you don't use rhyming. In the last two verses. It shifts the poem into a different feel, which I really like. It's kinda like how some poems or short stories will end on a note which you didn't expect, but it still totally makes sense. This is like that in a way, but with the overall feeling rather than the words. (Okay, sorry, I'm not sure if that made sense. I like the ending, is what I'm trying to say.)

Thanks for writing this! I really enjoyed it, and I hope to see more works around YWS by you soon! (Even if I might not read them.(Only because I can't really deal with gore, and as a writer that does horror, I assume you have a fair amount of that.))

Keep writing!

Happy RevMo! Gengar here to leave a review!



General Impression Oooh! Such a spooky story! And just in time for Spooky Season, too! It’s kinda funny how it goes from “here’s two little children!” To “they both died tragically in a fire”… funny in a sad way, that is

What I Liked: I liked the emotions of tragedy evoked in this poem. The last two stanzas really bring out just how terrifying and horrible their situation is.

Areas of Improvement Since this is a lyrical poem, I feel that some of the non-rhyming lines kind of stick out and break the flow. I think that maybe the longer lines can be broken up to make it more consistent.

I hope my review could be helpful! I wish you a good day/night.

—GengarIsBestBoy