• Home

Young Writers Society

12+ Violence Mature Content

Two little girls (reprise)

by vampricone6783

*This is a song from my “Town of Richardson” stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. You can find the original song “Two little girls” on my “Scary-ish stories” folder. Enjoy!*

Two little girls

Leona and Amelia Richardson were their names

Both six years old

Such cute little dames

Two little girls

Burned in a fire

Couldn’t survive

The first of Lucas to die

Lucas Ladouceur

The fun man of the circus

Oh, how they trusted him so!

Those two little girls

They didn’t deserve their horrid demise

Their flickering ghosts haunt

“The town of Richardson”

Their lost souls, listen to how they cry!

They’re asking in tears,

Why? Why? Why?

Why did we have to die?

They’re begging for help

Those two little girls

And now they scream in the house that once echoed

With their laughter and singing

Poor Leona and Amelia

They’ve only got each other

Those two little girls…

Is this a review?



User avatar
243 Reviews

Points: 27897
Reviews: 243

Mon Sep 04, 2023 2:08 am
View Likes
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...

Hi! This is Orabella, here to give you a short review.

This is so sad... Those poor little girls...

I love that you keep repeating that line - "two little girls" - That's a powerful way to keep the reader centered on these two, but also make it interesting and important.

The rhyming is spot on. I just love rhymes in poems; it's fine if they don't have them, but to me, they make it better. But I think later on, you don't use rhyming. In the last two verses. It shifts the poem into a different feel, which I really like. It's kinda like how some poems or short stories will end on a note which you didn't expect, but it still totally makes sense. This is like that in a way, but with the overall feeling rather than the words. (Okay, sorry, I'm not sure if that made sense. I like the ending, is what I'm trying to say.)

Thanks for writing this! I really enjoyed it, and I hope to see more works around YWS by you soon! (Even if I might not read them.(Only because I can't really deal with gore, and as a writer that does horror, I assume you have a fair amount of that.))

Keep writing!

User avatar
130 Reviews

Points: 1428
Reviews: 130

Mon Sep 04, 2023 1:36 am
View Likes
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...

Happy RevMo! Gengar here to leave a review!


General Impression Oooh! Such a spooky story! And just in time for Spooky Season, too! It’s kinda funny how it goes from “here’s two little children!” To “they both died tragically in a fire”… funny in a sad way, that is

What I Liked: I liked the emotions of tragedy evoked in this poem. The last two stanzas really bring out just how terrifying and horrible their situation is.

Areas of Improvement Since this is a lyrical poem, I feel that some of the non-rhyming lines kind of stick out and break the flow. I think that maybe the longer lines can be broken up to make it more consistent.

I hope my review could be helpful! I wish you a good day/night.


You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World