• Home

Young Writers Society

12+ Language Violence

The town of Richardson

by vampricone6783

Chapter One-Moving in

In the year 2017 there was once a thirteen year old girl named Avita Charlotte.She had a normal,teenage life.(as far as normal,teenage lives go.) She went to school,had friends,lost friends,joined clubs,you know,that kind of stuff.

That all changed when her mother,a famous and well known author,made it big in the publishing industry.So,to celebrate,they packed their bags and drove to..

“The town of Richardson.Wow,what a dump.” Avita said.They were sitting in the car,already there.This was the place her Mom always wanted to go to.

Avita,for the life of her,couldn’t understand why.The buildings were old and run-down,giving it the feeling of death.The fog clouded the atmosphere,it was thick enough to cut with a glass shard.There were no people in sight.

It unnerved her.All of it.This place gave off a feeling of…death.

“It’s not a dump.It’s beautiful.” Her Mother said dreamily.Her father said nothing.He only nodded,agreeing with her.

Her little sister,Cassie,was playing video games on her tablet.Avita sighed.At least she had the blessing of having a distraction on her hands.At least she could be oblivious to this odd town.

They finally arrived in front of an old mansion that looked like it would fall down any moment.

A young woman dressed like she was attending a funeral greeted them.

Avita frowned.Why was she wearing such…dismal clothing?

The woman smiled,showing off all of her sharp,white teeth.

“Welcome to the Town of Richardson.I’m Annabelle-Lee Richardson,your tour guide.Come,follow me.” She said.

With no choice left,The Charlottes followed her.

Chapter Two-The ghost story

The inside of the mansion was run-down,too.Avita wondered what would happen if it suddenly collapsed on them.

“Why is this place so…creaky and creepy?” Avita asked Annabelle-Lee.

Annabelle-Lee only smiled.

“It’s only creaky and creepy,because this isn’t the original oak boards that made this place.The original boards got burned up and they got new ones that were cheaper,but could still stay up.” Annabelle-Lee said.

“Who are those two girls?” Cassie asked,pointing at two pictures on a desk.

They were dusty and old,but there one could still see a family of four on it.

There was a man and a woman who must have been the parents and there were two little girls.They both had brown hair and black eyes,but one had shorter hair and wore more “boyish” attire,the other had longer hair and was more girly.

“Oh.Those are Leona and Amelia Richardson.They were twin sisters.They were both six years old,but Leona was older by minutes.Leona is the one with shorter hair and Amelia is the one with longer hair.” Annabelle-Lee said,pointing to them.

“What happened to them?” Their parents asked.

“Oh.It’s a real tragedy.Want to hear the story?” Annabelle-Lee asked.

Cassie tapped her foot impatiently,her parents were telling her not to be rude and Avita wasn’t saying anything.She WASN’T in the mood for a scary story.

Annabelle-Lee looked at Cassie.

“Story time it is.” Annabelle-Lee said.

“Once upon a time,in the year 1993,there were two little girls,not much younger than you,little one.” She said,smiling knowingly at Cassie.Cassie smiled back.

“They lived happily in their mansion.After all,who wouldn’t be happy,when you have all the money in the world? Now,they were no strangers to name calling,for people have called them “spoiled brats.” They,however,didn’t care.But one day..” Annabelle-Lee paused for dramatic effect.

Avita rolled her eyes.

“..a new circus opened up in town.A young man named Lucas Ladouceur opened it.The two little girls were delighted.They wanted to go to the circus! So,their parents took them there and they forgot anyone ever name-called them.They didn’t have any troubles when they were at the circus.”

“It should end there,but it doesn’t.Lucas had noticed they were attending all the time and he wanted more money.He somehow found a way to turn people into skeleton-vampire hybrids and he wanted to…turn people into those things.So,he asked their parents if he could take their daughters and turn them into these monsters.They,of course,refused.But,in his anger,Lucas burned the entire house down,with the girls still in it.The house burned and collapsed on them.Mr.and Mrs.Richardson escaped,but they never could get over their grief.” Annabelle-Lee said.

“Did they know who burned the house down?!” Avita asked.Now,she was interested.

“No.They never found out.Lucas DID get the ending he deserved.But that’s a story for another time.” Annabelle-Lee said.

“Now,if you’ll excuse me,I’m going to ask your parents to sign these papers.” She said,gently pushing Avita away.

Avita stared at the two little girls.For some reason,she felt like she might actually get to meet them.

She didn’t want to.

Chapter Three-A horrid bathroom

So,after Annabelle-Lee left,the Charlottes were getting ready to have dinner,for it was getting late and one must have food.

Avita went upstairs,to where she believed the bathroom was,walked in…

…and found a broken mirror.Some bugs were flying around it.

“Ugh.This house is a real fixer upper!” Avita exclaimed to herself.

She turned on the sink to wash her hands and was suddenly overwhelmed by the metallic,disgusting,unmistakable stench of…

“BLOOD?!!” Avita screamed.

Rouge,scalding hot blood spewed from the sink,staining her hands,making her look like a serial killer who had just returned from murdering someone.

She tried,with bloody hands,to turn the sink off,but her hands were too slippery.

The mirror was ALSO bleeding,staining her face,so she could barely see with the blood covering her eyes.She couldn’t even smell anything.The blood was clotting her nose.


Since she couldn’t see anything with the blood,she accidentally bumped her head against the bathroom wall.

In an instant,Avita was back in front of the mirror.No blood was present.

She turned on the sink.

Water came out.

“Huh.That was…weird.” Avita said to herself.What happened with the blood?


“I’M COMING!” Avita yelled,running downstairs.

Sometimes,I wish she wouldn’t speak at all.My Mom is sooo annoying.Avita thought,grabbing a chair to sit down.

Chapter Four-Of course her family doesn’t believe her!

Avita couldn’t do it.She couldn’t eat her dinner.Not after what she experienced..

Cassie noticed she wasn’t eating and asked:

“Avita,why are you sad?”

Their parents were looking at her,too.

“Care to tell us why you haven’t touched your food?” Her Mother asked.

“Isawbloodspewingoutofthebathroommirrorandsinkitwassohorriblelet’sgetoutofthiscreepyhouse!” Avita explained in a rush.She was out of breath.

“What?! I didn’t understand you.” Her Mother said.

Avita took a deep breath and tried again:

“I saw blood spewing out of the bathroom mirror and sink.IT WAS SO HORRIBLE! Let’s get out of this creepy house!”

“Avita,this is no time for games.Eat your dinner.” Her parents pointed to the now cold bowl of macaroni and cheese.


“Not buts.Eat your cold dinner,NOW!” They yelled.

Avita sighed.What did she expect? That her parents would believe her and she’d get out of this creepy house?

Nope.It appeared that she had to handle things her own way.

Chapter Five-The nightmare

After getting herself cleaned up,Avita crawled in bed.

Maybe,the house wasn’t so haunted…hopefully…


It was moving day for Avita and her family and they had just arrived at the house.They were unpacking their things to put in the Richardson manor.

Avita was puzzled.Didn’t they just move in today?

She shrugged and grabbed her stuff.While she was sorting out everything in her room,she got this overwhelming,burning sensation.It felt like what one would imagine Hell to feel like.

“Uh..Mom? Dad? IT’S TERRIBLY HOT UP HERE! I FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO BURN IN HELL!” Avita screamed,but no one heard her.

Suddenly,flames started burning on the floor.It started out small,but then,it surrounded her,the fire burning her skin so badly,she could see her bones in it.

“HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!” She screamed,burning up.

He can see you…do not let him win….he will get you….run! Do not trust him…the demon…he is a murderer…

Avita didn’t know where these whispers were coming from,but she didn’t like it.

It was no use screaming.Avita was going to burn to death.


Avita jolted out of bed.

She looked around her room.Everything was exactly as she had left it.

She was still alive.It was all just a dream.

“What is wrong with this house?” Avita asked herself,sinking into the covers.

After that dream,she didn’t want to sleep.

Chapter Six-Madeleine

Avita woke up the next day to her bagel and eggs breakfast and a glass of water.Even though she had a wonderful breakfast awaiting her,she was still thinking about the scary things that happened to her.

Her Mom looked up from the newspaper.

“Huh.I just read that this town’s population is only a mere twenty four.It used to be nineteen,but not until we got in.I knew this was a small town,but I didn’t imagine it to be THIS small.” Her mother said.

Avita nodded in silence as she drank her glass of water.It was amazing that there were even people who lived here at all.The town was so depressing and empty,she was CONVINCED she and her family were the only ones there,besides Annabelle-Lee.

“Avita? Are you okay? You look worried.” Her Mom said.

Avita took a deep breath and told her Mom about the nightmare.

“Well,it’s just a dream,okay? Go and get ready for school.” Her Mother said.

Avita brushed her teeth,grabbed her stuff and left.


As she was walking down the street,towards her new school,she heard soft,tinkling music.It was sweet,beautiful and creepy at the same time.

But where was it coming from?

Avita followed the noise and thought she saw a circus in the distance.She hadn’t noticed yesterday.

But it disappeared as quickly as it came,along with the music.

Maybe it was just her imagination..

“Hi there.You must be new.I’m Madeleine.Madeleine Dereece.Want to walk to school together?” A voice asked behind her.

Avita turned around.A young girl with long,black hair and a school uniform was standing in front of her.Avita looked down at her own clothes.In her family’s rush to move out,they haven’t even ordered uniforms for her.

“It’s okay.I have a spare uniform at home that you can keep.We’ll go get it.Come on.” Madeleine said.

Avita took Madeleine’s hand.

Maybe,this town wasn’t so bad after all.

She got a new friend.Madeleine.She could trust Madeleine,right?


Chapter Seven-Madeleine’s house

When they arrived at Madeleine’s house,Avita was surprised to see that no one was there.

“Where is everybody?” Avita asked.

“My parents are at work and my younger sister is at school.She goes to a different school than me,because she’s eleven.The teenagers go to different schools than the children.It’s going to be weird,because we’re the only two teenagers in this town.” Madeleine said.Avita followed her to her room,where she brought out a spare uniform.

“That’s weird.Why would a school even bother for uniforms if there are only two kids?” Avita asked,taking the uniform with her to the bathroom.She closed the bathroom door.

“This whole town is weird.Get used to it!” Madeleine yelled from her room.

Avita walked out with her uniform on.

Madeleine walked up to the staircase and grinned.

“Last one down is a rotten egg!” She cried out.

Chapter Eight-At school

So,Madeleine and Avita finally arrived at the school.They went to their classroom,where Annabelle-Lee was.

“Are you our teacher?” Avita asked.

“Yes,I am.” Annabelle-Lee said.

They sat down in seats and listened to Annabelle-Lee drone on and on…

Avita heard it.The tinkling circus music again.

“Can I go to the bathroom?” Avita asked.

“Sure.” Annabelle-Lee said.

Avita got up from her seat.She would follow the sound…

Chapter Nine-The circus

…..She was now outside,still following the music.It was even louder in her ears.It was almost deafening.

After a lot of walking and covering her ears,Avita finally reached the source.It was a rusty,old,abandoned circus.

Avita stared at it in disgust.She never liked circuses.There was always this creepy,mysterious aura to them that drove her away from such places.

The music stopped.

“Huh.Nothing to see he-“ Her talking was cut short when she heard a loud,booming voice scream from behind her:


“Who is there?!?!” Avita screamed,trying to find the frightfully loud person.

Chapter Ten-William and Isabella

A boy around her age with black hair and green eyes,in a ringmaster suit,stood before her.He had cuts and bruises on his face.

Standing next to him was a bloody woman,in the same ringmaster outfit,only,it was a dress.She had pink flowers in her hair,along with the ringmaster hat.

“I’m Isabella Ladouceur and this is my son,William.Excuse him for being loud.” Isabella said.He waved at her.

“What…happened to you guys?” Avita asked.

“We were murdered by my husband,Lucas.I couldn’t believe he would do such a thing,but he did.I used to love him..” Isabella trailed off.She got a faraway look on her face.

Just as quickly as they came,they disappeared,along with the circus.Avita was standing in a clearing,all alone.

Chapter Eleven-Home

“Why are you out here,all alone?!” Annabelle-Lee asked.She and Madeleine had found her at the clearing.

“Um..” Avita didn’t know what to say.

“Well?” She prompted.

“Nothing.” Avita said.

Annabelle-Lee didn’t question her any further,but glared at her,as if she knew she was hiding something.

After a long and strange day at school,Avita returned home.

Her Mom was upstairs,reading.Her Dad was at work.She heard her little sister,Cassie,talking to herself.

Avita followed her voice.She wanted to see Cassie stupidly chat with herself.

She found Cassie in her room and gasped in horror.

Standing in front of Cassie was a tall and gray demon,with gray wings and sharp,black teeth.He looked like he could crush Cassie.

“Cassie…What…is…that!?” Avita asked shakily,pointing to the demon.

“Oh,that’s just my friend,Sammy! He’s ten years old! Say hi,Sammy!” Cassie said,giggling.

Sammy glanced at Avita,frightened for some reason and disappeared.

“Oh.I don’t think he likes you.” Cassie said with a frown on her face.

Avita backed away from Cassie’s room.

There was something odd about this town and this house.She needed to rest at the moment.

But,more importantly,she needed answers.

Chapter Twelve-Another nightmare

Avita lay down on her bed and closed her eyes….


She was standing in the middle of a graveyard.Avita had no jacket and it was cold,like the dead.The clouds were dark and taking up the entire sky.Somewhere,in the distance,a crow could be heard cawing.

There were two graves she was standing in front of.One grave said:






Another said the same thing,but with a different name:






Avita gasped in shock.These were Leona and Amelia’s graves!

She bent down to touch them,but then she felt hands tugging on her pants.

She looked down and gulped.Two little girls who looked exactly like the little girls she saw in the photos at the house she moved in were gripping her legs tightly.The only difference was that they were all burned up,like they had just left a fire.

“FIND ANSWERS!” They screamed.

“That’s what I plan to do! But where do I start?!” Avita asked them.

“Wake up.” They said more quietly.

Avita woke up.

Chapter Thirteen-Bubblegum Hopscotch Fiddlesticks

Avita heard a knock on her door.

She opened it.

It was a stormy,cold night.Madeleine was standing in the doorway.

“Take me to that clearing you ran off to.Now.” She said.

“Why? Won’t our families be worried about us?” Avita asked.

“Now.” She said.

“Okay,okay! I’ll go! Just let me get my jacket and shoes.” Avita ran off to get her jacket and shoes.

After that,they walked to the clearing she was in earlier…

“This was a circus earlier,but then it disappeared.I heard tinkling music-“ Avita was saying,but Madeleine interrupted her:

“I did too.”

“You did?” Avita asked.

The clearing transformed into a circus.

“Something is going on with this town.I know it.” Madeleine said.

“Me too!” Avita agreed.

The circus music began playing.Out from the darkness,Isabella and William appeared.

But then,something else appeared,too.A pink eyed clown who was taller than William (and Isabella for that matter),with a stitched up mouth emerged from the darkness.

“Who are you?” The girls asked him.

“Bubblegum.Bubblegum Hopscotch Fiddlesticks.” He said.

Chapter Fourteen-Bubblegum,Isabella and William’s stories

“Bubblegum? Don’t you have a human name?” Madeleine asked.

“I did,but I forgot it.I forgot most of my past life,too.But,I do remember my age,my murderer and how I died.” Bubblegum said.

“We were murdered by the same person as Bubblegum.” Isabella and William said behind them.

“Care to enlighten us on how you three died?” Avita asked.

“Definitely.I’ll start with my story.” Isabella said.

“So,I was married to a man named Lucas and we had William together.It was a peaceful life.At least,it was.You see,by the time William was thirteen,Lucas was in a deep business rivalry with Mr.Richardson,the man who named this town and whose kids were Leona and Amelia.He was jealous of their wealth and wanted to show them that they weren’t as wealthy as they thought they were.But the thing is the Richardsons were such wonderful people.I was friends with Mrs.Richardson.However,Lucas didn’t care about that.He only cared about wealth and proving to them that we were “better than them.” I could have divorced him,you know,but I chose not to,because William loved him and I still wanted to give him a second chance.Anyway,Lucas opened a circus and he gained more money from it.It was wonderful,at first.We had more money,which meant we could take the time to have much deserved luxury and buy things to decorate our house,since most of our money before the circus opened was ONLY used for practical things.Then..” Isabella didn’t speak.

“Then?” Avita prompted.

Isabella didn’t need to take a deep breath.She was a ghost,so talking a lot,like she did now,didn’t bother her like it would with a living human.She got right into her story.

“Then,it got so wonderful,Leona and Amelia started visiting his circus.This wasn’t enough for him.He heard of how Mr.Richardson was going to make a scientific discovery on gravity and he wanted it beat him to it.Not that he wanted to beat him into discovering gravity.No,he wanted to beat him at a scientific discovery.So,he began experiencing with items.I thought nothing of it,at first.I thought it was just petty rivalry.Boy,was I wrong! Lucas discovered that there was a way he could turn people into skeleton-vampire hybrids.Guess what? He wanted to test his new experiment on Leona and Amelia! If it worked,he’d use them as attractions in his circus.If not,he’d kill them.I disagreed with his plan and I tried to stop him,too,but he was already on his way.The only thing left I could do was call their parents and warn them of what would happen.So,I did.” Isabella paused.

Then,she continued.

“I woke up William from his bed and took him to the circus with me,so we could work on it and he didn’t have to.It was the family circus,after all.We could do whatever we wanted with it.Lucas came running out of the Richardson house as we were working.For some reason,the house was burning down.I asked him if he burned it down when he was turned down for the potion and he said yes.Before I could do anything,he stabbed me violently,several times.I died.” Isabella said.

“After she died,I tried to run away,but then..he stabbed me too.” William added.

Avita and Madeleine exchanged looks.What could this mean for the rest of them? Were there vengeful spirits living here? There was a murderer here…

Bubblegum sat on the dirt ground,next to the girls.

“I…I think I performed in this circus.Lucas’s circus.I-“ but before Bubblegum could finish his story,Isabella glared at him.

“Oops.The Ladouceur circus.Sorry,Isabella.” He apologized.

“It’s fine.” Isabella said.

“Anyway,I was there too,when Lucas had killed William and Isabella.I forgot why I was there.I think I wanted to ask him a question,but I couldn’t find him anywhere.I searched the entire place,but no such luck.I left the circus and found him in the woods that was outside the circus.The woods was kind of like the backyard of the circus.I had found him throwing something in a ditch.I didn’t know what he was doing at first.I walked up to him and began talking and then I saw it.He was throwing William and Isabella’s bodies in a ditch.I wasn’t stupid back then,like I am now and I put two and two together and realized that he was a murderer.I would have told the whole town,too.However,he…”. Bubblegum faltered.This was hard for him to talk about.

“He stitched up my mouth,so I wouldn’t scream.I don’t know how,but he had a hammer and nails with him,as long as a knife and various other torture weapons he hid in his coat and pockets.He took me to his circus and walked up to a tent.Then,he nailed me to a wooden board in the tent,took out these HUGE,ENORMOUS pliers and cut my stomach open with them.He removed my intensities and hung them over my head.He..he…slashed my body with a knife.Then,he stabbed me with that same knife.I was only one year older than William when I died.” Bubblegum said.

“I was fourteen.” He added.

“Wow,that’s horrible! If you don’t mind me asking,how can you talk if you have a stitched up mouth?” Madeleine asked.

“The stitched up mouth doesn’t affect me in death.I can still talk,even with it on.Also,I can hide my bloody wounds I got from my death,unlike William and Isabella here,because I wasn’t killed by someone I was related to.It only shows if it’s a relative who hurt you.There’s some information for you.” Bubblegum said.

"How come you're so tall if you're only fourteen?" Madeleine asked,curious.

"I don't know.I'm just tall.Why are you asking so many damn questions?" Bubblegum asked,narrowing his eyes.

"Sorry." Madeleine said,lowering her head.

Bubblegum shrugged,having already forgotten the incident and said:

"It's fine."

“I feel so bad for you guys…” Avita said.She wished she could hug them,but she couldn’t,since they were ghosts.

“There is still hope for you two.Move out of this town and never come back!” Isabella warned.

“WAIT!” Avita called,but it was too late.The ghosts and the circus disappeared.

The girls had no choice but to run back home.It was getting light out,anyway.

Chapter Fifteen-Cassie’s birthday

When Avita got home,her family was all waiting for her.

“Where were you last night? We were worried about you.” Her parents said.

“I went out with a friend.” Avita told them.It wasn’t a lie,actually..

“Well,next time,tell us.” They said.Her parents had their computers turned on,they were looking at a list of birthday ideas.

“What is that for?” Avita asked.

“Did you really forget? In one week,it’s Cassie’s birthday! We’re planning it.Do you want to help us?” They asked.

“No thanks.” Avita said as politely as she could.She walked up the stairs to her room..

…At least,she did.She stopped when she heard Cassie talking to someone in her room.

Avita put her ear against Cassie’s door.

“Somebody murdered you?! That’s horrible!” Cassie yelled.

“Yeah.Then,he turned me into a demon,so my family wouldn’t recognize me.” A raspy,child voice answered back.

Avita didn’t know what was going on in her room,but she wasn’t going to risk not checking on her.

She opened Cassie’s door.

No one was there.Just Cassie.

“Cassie,you’re coming with me.” Avita said.

“Why? I was just talking to my friend!” Cassie whined.

“No complaining.You’re coming with me,NOW!” Avita said sternly.

Cassie shuffled behind her to her room.

Chapter Sixteen-At Avita’s room

“What is that monster doing in your room?” Avita asked.

“I-I was playing in my room one day and then he showed up! He’s a demon.His name is Samuel.He told me that’s he is ten years old and that he was a human once,but then a mean man killed him and..turned him into a demon so that the man wouldn’t look like a demon in death.It sounds strange,but that’s what he said!” Cassie wailed.

“It’s true! When Lucas died,he became a demon.So,in order to have a more human form,he’d need to kill someone and the turn them into a demon,so that he’d have a human form.” Voices said behind her.

Avita turned around.The burned up ghosts of Leona and Amelia stood behind her.

“Hold on.Where did you two come from?!” Avita asked.

“We’re always here.You just don’t notice us..” They said rather creepily.

“Okay,but how’d you get this information?” She asked.

“We always know what’s going on.After Lucas killed us,we started to watch his murders,so that someone like you could come and help us.” The girls said.

“Another thing,a ghost named Bubblegum said that he could hide his wounds because a relative didn’t kill him.But you guys aren’t related to Lucas,yet you’re showing your burned up wounds.What’s the deal?” Avita asked.

“That stupid clown forgot a crucial detail.That rule only applies if you’re older than twelve.He’s fourteen.We’re six.It’s different.” The girls informed.

Avita took a deep breath and asked another question that came to her mind:

“The population of this town is twenty-four,yet I ran into very few living people.Why is that?”

“You see,most of the town’s population are the deceased,because Lucas killed people.The only alive citizens of this town are you,your sister,your parents,Madeleine,her family and Annabelle-Lee.Everyone else is dead.” The little girls said.

“Okayy…Just give me some time to think…” Avita said,backing away and going to the bathroom next to her room.

It was going to be awhile before she took it all in.

“You can think,but soon,you’ll have to do something! You don’t have much time!” The girls warned.

Chapter Seventeen-Terrible News

Weeks had passed and it was already Cassie’s birthday.

They held at their house,since they barely knew anyone in the town.

But Avita knew better.Most of the town’s population wasn’t even alive.

As they held Cassie’s party,nothing bad had happened.

Well,ALMOST nothing bad.

As Avita was sitting in the couch,more bored than ever,someone tapped her shoulder.

Avita turned around.

Madeleine stared back at her,sweating and breathing heavily.

“Avita….something horrible has happened…I don’t know what came over me…come to my house..” Madeleine panted.

Avita got up from her couch and checked on her family,to make sure they wouldn’t notice her.

Sure enough,her parents were too busy paying attention to Cassie.She was grateful for her younger sister.

“Alright,I’m coming.” Avita said.

She followed Madeleine outside.

Avita thought about what Leona and Amelia said.

They were right,the little girls.There was absolutely no time to waste.

Chapter Eighteen-The horrid deaths

Madeleine lead Avita to her house,nervously sweating.

“I-I don’t know what came over me.I wasn’t thinking…I just grabbed a knife and killed them all..” Madeleine was saying.

She opened the door to her house.

Avita gasped.

A woman,a man and a young girl lay dead in the house,blood caking their skin.Avita came to the conclusion that it was Madeleine’s family.

“I didn’t mean to kill them all,I swear! I didn’t know what I was doing..” Madeleine was saying,but Avita backed away from her…

….and bumped right into someone else.She turned around..

A man in a ringmaster suit with brown eyes smiled evilly at her.

“I finally get to meet the paranormal expert.Helloo..Avita.” He said.

Avita gulped.So did Madeleine.

Who was this man? Why did he follow them?

“Don’t you know who I am?” He asked.

No.It couldn’t be.But it was..

“Lucas?” She asked.

He cackled.

“Yes,it’s me!” He exclaimed.

With that,he grabbed Avita and Madeleine,clamping their mouths shut so that they wouldn’t scream and took them to the circus that used to be his.

Chapter Nineteen-Torture

He tied them up to wooden boards left in the circus tent.

Lucas smiled insanely.When one looked into his eyes,there wasn’t any humanity left.Only an insane,animalistic desire for blood.

“Madeleine,dearie…did you know that ghosts can possess people?” Lucas asked.

“Of course I did! What does this have to do with anything?” She asked.

He only smiled.

“You possessed me! You possessed me and killed my entire family!” Madeleine yelled.

“Smart girl.Not that it matters,because you and your friend here are about to die.” Lucas said.

“Oh,really? What if we escape from these bonds,you ugly old man?” Avita asked icily.

“This will shut your foul mouth up!” He yelled.

He picked up a lump of cloth on the floor.Something was writhing inside it.

When he took the something out,Avita realized it wasn’t something,it was someone.

Her little sister.Cassie.

All tied up with her mouth duct taped.

“I’ll kill her! I’ll enjoy it,too!” Lucas yelled.

There was a look of panic in Cassie’s eyes,like she might cry.

Lucas put Cassie down.

“But first..” Lucas walked up to Madeleine and untied her bonds.

“NO! STOP!” Avita yelled.

He raised an axe over Madeleine’s head…


The silver axe was dripping with smelly,hot blood,overpowering the air and Avita and Cassie’s senses.Madeleine’s mouth was open,her eyes were forever in shock.

“Now,promise me you won’t meddle in this town’s affairs again and no one else gets hurt.” Lucas said.

“Never! There’s no way I’m going to stop learning this town’s secrets! I have to,to help! To fix your mistakes!” Avita yelled.

“Very well.If you want to be like that..” Lucas walked up to Cassie,a mad rage in his eyes.His smile was wide and frightening.Cassie looked like she wanted to scream.

“NO!” Avita yelled.

Chapter Twenty-Cassie and Avita’s punishment

Lucas ripped the tape out of Cassie’s mouth,took out a vial and poured the contents of it in her.Cassie stopped moving.

“Did you…kill her?” Avita asked.She didn’t want to believe that Cassie was dead.

"No..I only cursed her to be a skeleton-vampire hybrid.Which means that she's dead,so yes,I did kill her.She'll wake up soon,as a ghost,don't worry." Lucas said with a smile on his face.

Avita was frightened for her little sister.What would happen to Cassie after she woke up? Would she be the same?

“Awww..don’t look so glum,Avita.The same thing will happen to you,too.” Lucas crooned.

He walked up to the quivering teen and poured the same liquid that he gave Cassie in her mouth.Avita swallowed it against her will.

“Good girl.When you wake up,you’re going to be beautiful..” Lucas laughed at Avita.

Avita was lying on the ground,letting the potion settle in.

This…was the worst defeat she ever felt.

Chapter Twenty-One-The final plan

Avita and Cassie woke up,surrounded by Madeleine,Elaine (Madeleine’s little sister),Mr. and Mrs.Dereece (Madeleine’s parents),Isabella,William,Bubblegum,Leona,Amelia and Samuel.They stared at them.

“What are sitting around here for?! We’ve got to stop him!” Avita yelled.

“From what? We’re all hurt,Avita.There is nothing we can do.” Madeleine said.Everyone nodded in agreement.

“From Lucas! A ghost like him might try to kill other people or maybe even destroy this town! We have to stop him!” She yelled.

“How?” Madeleine asked.

“How?! HOW?! We’ve got to get Annabelle-Lee! She is the last living Richardson,maybe she’ll help us!” She said hurriedly.

“You still believe there is a way out of this,Avita?” Everyone asked her.

“Of course there is a way out of this.Let’s go look for Annabelle-Lee.”

..and with that final statement,they left the circus to find Annabelle-Lee.

Chapter Twenty-Two-Finding Annabelle-Lee

Surprisingly,they had bumped into a tall woman dressed in black.Annabelle-Lee.

“Oh,hello,Avita and friends.I suppose you are..undead? You and Cassie?” She asked.

“Yes! How did you know?! Look,that’s not important! We need your hel-“ Avita was saying in a rush,but Annabelle-Lee put a finger to her lips.

“Shh.Calm down.Follow me.I will help you fix everything.” She said.

Avita didn’t know HOW Annabelle-Lee could be so calm about this dire situation or how she KNEW about her and Cassie being undead in the first place,but she wasn’t willing to argue with her.

Help was help,even if the person offering it was questionable..

Chapter Twenty-Three-The (actual) plan

Avita and her new friends followed Annabelle-Lee to her house,where she closed all the windows and locked all the doors.

“To ensure no one snoops on us.Yes,I know most of the town’s population is ghosts,but it’s good measure for security.” Annabelle-Lee said,looking at Avita,who was about to ask her why she was closing up the house.

“Now,it’s quite simple,what you need to do-“ Annabelle-Lee was saying,but Bubblegum interrupted her.

“If it’s “quite simple” as you put it,then why didn’t you tell me,William,Isabella,Samuel,Leona and Amelia? Why’d you wait until now? I probably would have had memories of my past life by now..” Bubblegum trailed off,a faraway look in his pink eyes.

“Bubblegum,dear,I would have told you all now,but Lucas kept escaping me and I couldn’t bring him here to get what he’s going to get now.Besides,your memories would be too painful for you to remember-“ She said.

“What do you mean?! I was murdered by my own Dad and I’m fine now! How could he not handle HIS memories?!” William asked angrily.He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t give his friend,Bubblegum,his memories.

“Boys,I wish I could get into it now,but we don’t have much time.I need you all to corner him and imagine that he is weak and helpless.Just do that and the rest will take care of itself.” Annabelle-Lee said.

“What?! How is that supposed to help anyone?!” It was Avita’s turn to be angry at her.

“You want help? I’m giving it to you.Do as I say or suffer the consequences.” Annabelle-Lee said matter of factly.

Avita and the other ghosts were hesitant to listen to her,but they didn’t have much choice or any other plan.

They’d do what she’d said and pray that it would work…

Chapter Twenty-Four-Avita holds up everyone

Once they all left Annabelle-Lee’s house,Avita went to her house.

“What are you doing?! We have something to do!” The other ghosts yelled from downstairs of Avita’s house.

Avita went to her room.

“If I’m going to be dead for the rest of my un-life,I want to wear something comfortable.” Avita said,going through her drawer and taking out a blue nightgown.

“Well,hurry up! We’ve got a murderer to defeat!” They yelled.

After Avita changed out of her party outfit and into a nightgown and took off her glasses (In life,she used to wear them,but she wouldn’t need them anymore,now that she was dead) they were all ready.

Chapter Twenty-Five-Cornering Lucas

When they were outside,searching for Lucas at the Ladouceur circus,they finally found him,smiling to himself like the absolute fool that he was.

They pursued him.Of course,Lucas ran away from them,but they weren’t going to give up.

They followed him into a circus tent and cornered him.

Then,the ghosts imagined him weak and helpless…

Chapter Twenty-Six-His true form

When they were done,they were no longer staring at a man.They were staring at a demon.

They had given Lucas his true form and as they had done that,Sammy was turning back into a ghost,no longer cursed to be a demon.

Something else was happening with the others,too.

Avita looked around,to watch the phenomenal change happen.

Chapter Twenty-Seven-Ghostly

She and her ghostly friends were going from their physical forms with wounds from their death (or skeleton-vampire hybrids like Avita and Cassie) to something more..ghostly.

She,Cassie,Isabella,William,Samuel,Elaine,Mr. and Mrs.Dereece were turning into pale,white humans with long,white claws,black,emotionless eyes and black tears.

Avita and Cassie had thinner tears than the rest of them.The rest of them had thick tears.

Madeleine,Leona and Amelia were turning into white demon versions of themselves.

Bubblegum…turned into a dark,blurry clown figure.

“What..is this?” Avita asked,confused.Lucas was long gone by now.

Chapter Twenty-Eight-Explanation

“You need me to explain things to you?” Annabelle-Lee asked.She appeared out of nowhere.

Avita nodded.

“Your souls are free after you defeated Lucas.The ghosts that still look like humans aren’t free,but the ones who don’t are.” She said.

“Then why do we look different?” Avita asked.

“Well,you and Cassie have thiner tears because your death was fresh.Elaine,her parents,William,his Mom and Samuel have thicker tears because their deaths aren’t new.Madeleine,Leona and Amelia look more like demons,because even though Madeleine didn’t intend to murder her family,she did and that makes her a demon.Leona and Amelia died young and were pretty vengeful,so that’s why they are demons.Bubblegum is an unknown figure because..he doesn’t know much about his life.Only small details about his death and his age.” Annabelle-Lee informed.

“How do you know all this?” Avita asked.

Annabelle-Lee smiled.Avita didn’t like it.

“I just do.Now,go and find Lucas.Goodness knows what he’s doing now.” Annabelle-Lee said.

They searched for him yet again.

Chapter Twenty-Nine-Trapped!

They found Lucas standing in front of the gate of the town itself.

The ghosts didn’t waste their time.They advanced towards him.

But Lucas disappeared and even as they flew right past the gate,they were sucked back in.

“Huh,that’s..strange.” Bubblegum said.When he talked,his voice was raspy and distorted,like horrible,screeching audio on a radio.

Avita wondered why,but only for a short time.She didn’t have time to ponder why Bubblegum’s voice sounded weird.

No one has ever been zapped back into the town before.

They tried again.Same thing.They tried again and again and again.No luck.

“What’s going on?” Cassie asked.

Lucas laughed at them.

“You may have weakened me,but I still had a bit of power left! You’re trapped here! In this town! Forever! Now,if you’ll excuse me,I have to go find new people to kill and turn into demons.” Lucas said,giving Samuel a knowing smile.

Samuel glared at him,remembering how he got turned into a demon after his murder for Lucas’s benefit.

“I still have a few months left to live.I can kill people.You,on the other hand,have an eternity to be stuck here.So,have fun!” Lucas giggled happily.

He disappeared (again) and the ghosts were left hurt,confused and distraught.

“No..This can’t be how it ends! There has to be another way! I can save us all!” Avita yelled.

“You tried to and look at what happened.You died.Just accept it,Avita.We can’t escape.Ever.” William said.The others nodded in agreement.

“Look,we may be trapped now,but we shouldn’t give up! Let’s give it a rest for today and maybe tomorrow we’ll find a way out.” Avita said.

They shrugged.Whatever she said was fine with them.

Avita still believed there could be a way out of this,even when all the signs told her there wasn’t.

There was always a way.Always.

Chapter Thirty-Looking on

It was the next day and Avita still hadn’t found a way to free their souls.That was alright,she’d keep trying.

In the meantime,she was at the cemetery,looking on as her parents cried over her and her sister’s graves.

She’d find a way to make everything better again.She could save the day.

Avita could save the day..


Is this a review?



User avatar
5 Reviews

Points: 173
Reviews: 5

Thu Aug 26, 2021 5:40 am
lunacat wrote a review...

Hi! Here's a review from me : )

So straight off the bat, I do think it was a little rushed, no suspense either. But I can see where you're trying to go with the story, and I like the idea.
I also think that the character Avita, she had a pretty confusing reaction to Leona and Amelia Richardson. What I mean by that is when blood is pouring down the drain, and the girls are acting "scary" she seems a little nonchalante in my opinion like it's a normal occurrence.

"Ummm...Mom? Dad? I think you should see this..” Avita said.She was extremely scared."

I know you said she was extremely scared but in my opinion it isn't really coming off that way.

I think it might be helpful to describe how the character is feeling, in a little more detail. That in my opinion kind of sets the scene and helps the reader feel for the character and their experience, Which I think makes the horror scenes more scary.

Describe what she's doing too, not too much obviously, not until the point that it becomes irrelevant. But help the reader see a picture in their heads. Are her hands clinging on to the sink? Is she shivering and shaking? What is she doing? This in my opinion, helps the entire vibe of the book.

Back to the first example, when avita was calmly calling her parents:

You said:

"After Dinner,Avita walked upstairs to the bathroom.She turned on the sink,but for some reason,water didn’t come out.But blood did.

“Avita...Avitaaaaaaaa…..come and playyyyyyyyyy with ussssss.” said the voices.

“Ummm...Mom? Dad? I think you should see this..” Avita said.She was extremely scared.

“AVITAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” The voices screamed louder.

“Who’s there?” She asked."

Please describe it even a little bit, you can say she made her way to the cold, grubby, bathroom, or *something*. You don't have to be so direct. With the blood you could say something like:
"I flicked on the faucet waiting for the cool water to wash away the day. But it never came. The faucet sputtered and glugged until a red liquid poured out of the sink, the metallic smell burning my nostrils, and stinging my eyes, the bright red staining the off-white sink, the stench of the liquid filling the entire bathroom, not leaving a single area with clean air. Suddenly...it registered. Goosebumps covered my arms, as I shivered involuntarily. No I thought, please no. But my terrified denying-of-reality thoughts were silenced. This nightmare is real. It was blood."

Was that a little long. Yes. But it sets the scene and you shouldn't be afraid of writing a little more to set the scene of a story.
Writing a story isn't just throwing out words, you need to carefully choose your words, set the scene, and really sell the vibe of the story.
Different stories have different vibes, so what I wrote won't be an exact stencil of course, it was just an example.

I won't rewrite anymore since I think you get what I mean. I have a couple more critiques, but I think I'll leave it at that.

I agree with @thepages I also liked it to an extent, and I'm sad it ended so quick, and a makeover could be fun.

I really hope you don't take this to heart, you're an amazing writer, who'll carry on improving like all of us :)  KEEP WRITING I BELIEVE IN YOU!!

-Luna <333

(Also I'm not a professional horror writer, these are just my opinions, with writing my own horror novels, and reading alotttttt of horror and mystery books, you don't have to follow my advice!! )

vampricone6783 says...

I edited this story and I changed the title.You can check it out if you want.

User avatar
34 Reviews

Points: 55
Reviews: 34

Wed Aug 25, 2021 10:16 pm
thepages wrote a review...

Hey, pages here.

I love ghost stories, i must say though this was a little less than i expected. The chapters were rushed and literally not detailed at all. The storyline is great, however it doesn't read like a thought on novel, more of a synopsis of sorts, just outlining the series of events. When it comes to stories of the scary sort it all comes down to the atmosphere, the environment and how the words come together. It has to be intense.

Chapters like 5, a typical creepy circus; are supposed to be the epitome of scary. From the atmosphere to the actual elements around. Talk about a sudden chill running up Avita’s spine, strained distant hauls and things of the sort. For instance:

“Like a pin drawn to a magnet, Anita navigated the woods shoring the town. On instinct, she hated the place, or rather feared it. There was an in-explainable evil lurking about the place. A shiver spread out throughout her entire person just as a spookily warm breeze, like a breath from ages past blew her way. She stopped in her steps, momentarily frozen. “Come to me, come, and little one!” a crispy whisper breaks through to her brain, a faint headache promising. It was dark, yet for reasons unknown, she navigated well, like she had been here before. She knew the place. There, mere paces thither pale lights shimmered on, like sparks…”
something to describe the creepiness. Make her conversations with William a little more dramatic, unavoidable actually. Force Avita into submission for even as a cute fellow William is a ghost, you seemed to forget that going all sassy. And for the two ghost girls, the fact that they have the audacity to show themselves so plainly shows how much they like attention, like poltergeists. And ghosts like that make a little more damage than just scream.

The part where Annabelle-Lee narrates the story of how the house burnt down, that could make a sub-chapter of its own, a good one might i add considering the skeleton-vampire hybrid sentence which really got my hopes high. So basically there's a lot of plot in this work that you're ignoring, plots that can change the entire book. For example the fact that such creatures could be made means there is voodoo going on in the town. Or perhaps some top notch science,(Frankenstein was a marvel!).

Anyway, I liked the story to an extent, a little sad it ended that fast. Hope you consider adjusting it, more of a makeover. And I hope my blubber made sense.


vampricone6783 says...

Thanks for your review! I%u2019ll consider it!

vampricone6783 says...

I edited this story and changed the title.You can check it out if you want.

Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief