z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

The story of the Chriselle family-A Christmas story

by vampricone6783


*Christmas is fast approaching us!  What better way to greet the beginnings of Christmas than by writing a Christmas story? This is the story of The Chriselle family. They are from my story “Merry Xmas” and “The town of Richardson:Part Two”. This is told in a style of a fairytale or a story one might tell someone at a dinner table. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Despite this taking place in the time of Christmas, this story is not cheerful. However, I hope that you enjoy.*



In the year 1866, in a small New York town, there was a wealthy family.

The Chriselle family.

An honorable and well-liked man named Sandy Chriselle, a beautiful and gentle woman named Rebecca Chriselle, an intelligent and strong eleven year old boy named Jackson Chriselle and a sweet and bubbly four year old girl named Susan Chriselle.

But everyone called them Jack and Susie.

They all loved and cared for each other, as any good family would.

Many people wanted their money, which would only grow, grow, and grow.

On December 24th, 1867, someone broke into their house and stole valuable jewels and money. Not only that, they completely destroyed most of the furniture in the house.

Their reputation was ruined, because they had gotten robbed. They, the notorious Chriselle family, got robbed. But more importantly, they had to find a new place to live, because their home was gone.

Rebecca Chriselle didn’t want the embarrassment of being homeless and dirty. So she had married another man who had money.

She was not so “beautiful and gentle” as many thought.

What became of Sandy, Jack, and Susie?

Poor Sandy couldn’t believe his own wife, the woman he loved, left him for someone else. His main priority then was taking care of their children.

The three of them became homeless, dirty, and alone. They were all cast out to the streets, while Rebecca was living a lavish and lovely life.

Not a soul gave them hospitality.

Not even on Christmas.

Once they lost their money, the family lost their love from others. They meant nothing now that they had nothing.

They died on Dec 25th, 1868. The day when Susie would mistaken this day to be a wonderful Christmas.

On that day, those who crossed the streets of where the heap of a family latched onto each other, could recall Jack and Susie lying next to each other, looking as if they were in a still, deep sleep, but too pale and skeletal to really be asleep, and Sandy crawling on the snow, towards passerby, solenbegging for help, barely in any clothes, skin reddening and peeling off, opening his cracked mouth to say something, only to be followed by a stream of blood and phlegm, and then Sandy dropped fast first into the snow.

Rebecca was still alive, happier than ever.

They say that Sandy couldn’t take it anymore.

He and his kids were dead. If only Rebecca stuck around, maybe they all could have figured it out as a family.

But no. Rebecca had to leave them.

Those say that Sandy searched the entire neighborhood, searched it until he had found Rebecca, in her mansion.

There, in her room, he had choked her to death, for leaving them all behind.

They say that Sandy and his kids haunt their old house and Rebecca haunts the little New York town, now a hustling, bustling city, as a demon.

They say that on Dec 25, 1868, there was an air of despair and that not a single caroler sang on the streets of which the Chriselle family slept.




Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4266 Reviews

Points: 298085
Reviews: 4266

Donate
Sat Dec 17, 2022 8:50 am
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKayyy well this was quite the tale here. ONe of the more unique ways I've seen vengeful spirits forming in one of your stories and arguably one of the potentially saddest ways.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the year 1866, in a small New York town, there was a wealthy family.

The Chriselle family.

An honorable and well-liked man named Sandy Chriselle, a beautiful and gentle woman named Rebecca Chriselle, an intelligent and strong eleven year old boy named Jackson Chriselle and a sweet and bubbly four year old girl named Susan Chriselle.

But everyone called them Jack and Susie.


Well seems like a pretty standard introduction there for these two. I'm going to safely assume there's a little more that's going to be happening with this particular family than what this rather almost idyllic introduction is hinting at.

They all loved and cared for each other, as any good family would.

Many people wanted their money, which would only grow, grow, and grow.

On December 24th, 1867, someone broke into their house and stole valuable jewels and money. Not only that, they completely destroyed most of the furniture in the house.


Oooh it looks like we're starting to take that turn right there from things being all nice and simple for this pretty well off family to it all starting to slowly and slowly go down the drain. Well, let's see what more we get here.

Their reputation was ruined, because they had gotten robbed. They, the notorious Chriselle family, got robbed. But more importantly, they had to find a new place to live, because their home was gone.

Rebecca Chriselle didn’t want the embarrassment of being homeless and dirty. So she had married another man who had money.

She was not so “beautiful and gentle” as many thought.

What became of Sandy, Jack, and Susie?


Ohh well that escalated rather quickly there. I was expecting more of a gradual sort of process but it seems we're just driving straight in with a full on BANG, BANG, BANG progression of things going from a bad robbery to a much worse situation.

Poor Sandy couldn’t believe his own wife, the woman he loved, left him for someone else. His main priority then was taking care of their children.

The three of them became homeless, dirty, and alone. They were all cast out to the streets, while Rebecca was living a lavish and lovely life.

Not a soul gave them hospitality.

Not even on Christmas.


Oh wow, I was expecting at least the children end up getting some more care but it seems their mother really did just straight up end up dumping them all out onto the streets there. I suppose this is going to be the start of the potentially supernatural elements.

They died on Dec 25th, 1868. The day when Susie would mistaken this day to be a wonderful Christmas.

On that day, those who crossed the streets of where the heap of a family latched onto each other, could recall Jack and Susie lying next to each other, looking as if they were in a still, deep sleep, but too pale and skeletal to really be asleep, and Sandy crawling on the snow, towards passerby, solenbegging for help, barely in any clothes, skin reddening and peeling off, opening his cracked mouth to say something, only to be followed by a stream of blood and phlegm, and then Sandy dropped fast first into the snow.


Well that... also escalated quickly there. I did not expect that death to be quite so sudden, but this is arguably the saddest way this probably could have happened there just forgotten and all alone out in the cold.

Rebecca was still alive, happier than ever.

They say that Sandy couldn’t take it anymore.

He and his kids were dead. If only Rebecca stuck around, maybe they all could have figured it out as a family.

But no. Rebecca had to leave them.


Ooooh well I sense the vengeful ghosts starting to form here. This one definitely also seems pretty justified there as far as some of the reasons we've seen over the years are concerned here.

Those say that Sandy searched the entire neighborhood, searched it until he had found Rebecca, in her mansion.

There, in her room, he had choked her to death, for leaving them all behind.

They say that Sandy and his kids haunt their old house and Rebecca haunts the little New York town, now a hustling, bustling city, as a demon.

They say that on Dec 25, 1868, there was an air of despair and that not a single caroler sang on the streets of which the Chriselle family slept.


Well...that is quite the ending there. Love the eeriness it creates by switching to this tale being talked of as it were lost to time. There's something about setting a tale like this in a tone like that has an incredible power to it.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, a solid little tale to add to the dozens more. I think this was perhaps one of the more powerful ones that I've read from you.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar


Points: 414
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Nov 22, 2022 9:31 pm
View Likes
E11ie wrote a review...



Hello! What a lovely way to get into the Christmas spirit! I really enjoyed the simplicity of this piece. The message rang through clearly and choosing to set your story in the past, during Christmas, really magnified the effect. It felt vaguely reminiscent of a Christmas Carol which was really fun! As much as I enjoyed the sort of bare bones approach you took here, I think you story was slightly too skeletal at times. The plot began to disintegrate around the end with the introduction of the ghosts and Rebecca's death. I think the disconnect came mainly from the disparity in chronology. Sandy died, and then later in the story he kills Rebecca? I became a little lost, although I did understand it enough to enjoy reading! Another possible plot hole would be Rebecca marrying another fellow. It is a fantastic move as far as plot progression is concerned but it needs a few more details to be fully fleshed out I believe. During the time period you picked, divorcing your husband and abandoning your children, as far I understand it, would have been extraordinarily shameful and I doubt Rebecca could have achieved a divorce, remarried, and been rich and happy, especially considering the time constraints. That aside, I think for clarity, it would be nice if you explained how she separated herself from her husband? Maybe explain the divorce or whatever method they were separated by? Its definitely not a critical thing, it was just something I happened to notice. It hardly draws away from your story. I truly enjoyed this piece and I loved the way you focused entirely on your message and allowed the usual struggles of writing to fall away instead of allowing them to draw away from the style of the piece. It was a really fun choice! I can't wait to see what other Christmas stories you come up with!!




vampricone6783 says...


Alright, thanks for the review.




When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
— Eric Hoffer