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16+ Violence Mature Content

The Playground:Part Two

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*Part two of my story “The Playground”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Chapter One

Vivian, Evan, Vicky, and Samuel may have all been dead along with the other kids in the playground, but they had a plan.

They would come back and they would torture Juliet and her groom.

They would get justice.

No matter what it took.

Chapter Two

Of course, they weren’t actually trapped in the playground. They were trapped in a carnival, that was in a forest, outside the playground.

But, the playground was where they were lured. It was still a nightmare to be in.

They wished to burn down the carnival. Burn it all to the ground.

“But where would we find fire?” Samuel asked Vicky.

Vicky smiled. She grabbed thick sticks lying on the ground.

Mr.Woof, the dog sewed on her arm, started barking with excitement.

Vicky shushed the dog.

Everyone was counting on her.

“Let’s start a fire.” The little girl said, grinning from ear to ear.

She vigorously rubbed the two sticks together. Then, they fell to the ground.

The orange-yellow flames licked the dirt and spread around the carnival, like a demented parade.

They reached into the Heavens, as if Hell wanted to invade God’s space. It felt and looked like a blazing inferno.

Vicky and the children ran as fast as they could from the scene.

They would never return. Ever.

Chapter Three

When they were freed, naturally, they caused panic in their town. How else could anyone react when a group of undead children came out of nowhere and started marching in their town?

“WE’RE FREEEE!” They rasped, spitting up blood and mucus along the way.

“FREE AT LASSSSTTTT!” They cackled.

Their sickening laughter filled the dark night sky, ringing in the ears of those who dare opposed them.

These kids were no longer innocent.

They were zombies, hungry for revenge.

And they would get their deserved revenge.

Chapter Four

JULIET

Juliet knew that the children were out when she of the town being attacked.

So, she woke up her groom and they prepared themselves to finish them off.

Chapter Five

Juliet and her groom spotted them in the middle of the street. The group of undead children.

They were ready to attack.

Chapter Six

There were more kids than just the two of them. Each kid had a higher level of revenge than the next.

All had jumped at them, nails and teeth bared.

Chapter Seven

The children had to figure out what to do with them. They had their opposers at their grasp! Lying on the cement ground, overpowered by them, the children!

“Should we torture them?” Samuel asked.

“How would we do it?” Vivian asked.

“We could…fry them alive?” suggested Evan. He heard that it was a terrible way to die, so why not give it a try?

“NO! Also, how would we even fry them alive? We don’t know how to fry things.” Vicky said. Sure, they took them down, but frying them alive? That was a whole other battle, one they wouldn’t yet fight.

“I have a better idea..” Vicky said, with an evil smile on her little face.

Mr.Woof barked at the sight of Vicky’s twisted happiness.

Chapter Eight

“I’ll take the clown. You guys go ahead and torture the bride. Do whatever torture you can think of, but doable.” Vicky said. She didn’t want them to try stupid things like burning her alive.

She dragged the clown away, preparing him for torture…

Chapter Nine

Vicky took him to the front yard of her house. She looked at him and thought of all the things that he had done.

Killing her and Samuel, sewing Mr.Woof on her arm…

She was more than ready to give him the same treatment…

Vicky looked deep into his eyes. He didn’t protest or anything…

He just stared at her, not saying a word.

“Excuse me, but why aren’t you scared? You’re supposed to be screaming and crying. Be scared!” Vicky yelled, stomping her foot.

The clown mumbled something.

“Speak up!”

The clown grinned, showing off a row of bleeding teeth.

“You’re all alone with me, little girl. All alone with me.” He said, standing up.

“Why would you do something like that?” He asked.

Chapter Ten

The clown grinned widely. He seemed like such a monster, such an unearthly creature of Hell, in his faded makeup and withered wedding suit. He could take her out. She was just a little girl. She couldn’t hurt him.

No. Vicky wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a ghost and she was about to end her monster, once and for all.

“I just want you all to myself.” Vicky smiled.

“Mr.Woof, that’s food.” She said, pointing at the clown.

Maybe it was her imagination, but did Mr.Woof laugh?


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Tue Jun 06, 2023 7:33 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hello again vampricone - happy Tuesday! I don't think I've read part one of this (though I may have because I think I've read quite a lot of your work by now) but I was surprised to see we're starting at chapter one! Does that mean part one is a prologue or are they two separate stories?

I've mentioned on other works, but I don't think you need to break all these things up into separate chapters. Personally I'd prefer a bit more of a scene transition between these so it's not just short sharp bursts of a scene and then moving on immediately - it can feel a bit jarring and makes it hard to settle into the story at any given point. But if you are set on delivering the story like this, I think you can still get rid of the chapters and just mark the scene changes with *** or something similar.

I like the narrative tone and the characters used in this piece, but I think there's a lot more you could write without compromising any of that. Chapter five onwards tells us about some action but I'd really like to read more of that happening in a bit of depth so I can imagine the scene and get invested in the outcome. At the moment I feel a bit like I'm just reading a recount of what happened and it stops me getting attached to the story or the characters which is a shame.

My favourite paragraph was definitely this one:

The clown grinned widely. He seemed like such a monster, such an unearthly creature of Hell, in his faded makeup and withered wedding suit. He could take her out. She was just a little girl. She couldn’t hurt him.

love to see more of this!

Hope this was helpful!

Icy

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vampricone6783 says...


No, you didn%u2019t read the first story. Both stories have ten chapters. I made an origin story for Juliet and one for Christopher (the clown).

Glad you enjoyed!



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Sun Mar 26, 2023 11:49 pm
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fatherfig wrote a review...



Hello this is gem leaving a review!!

This definitely had a lot of plot progression! You broke it up into really short acts -> In my other reviews I mentioned that I think more descriptions of the areas surrounding the scenes and the characters expressions and body language would be beneficial and I still agree with that on this work! I also think that you could make this a script if you wanted to, but if instead you want a story, I would suggest connecting these chapter parts and going one chapter at a time!

I particularly enjoyed reading the last few lines of the story!

"The clown grinned widely. He seemed like such a monster, such an unearthly creature of Hell, in his faded makeup and withered wedding suit. He could take her out. She was just a little girl. She couldn’t hurt him.

No. Vicky wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a ghost and she was about to end her monster, once and for all.

“I just want you all to myself.” Vicky smiled.

“Mr.Woof, that’s food.” She said, pointing at the clown.

Maybe it was her imagination, but did Mr.Woof laugh?"

The character faces her fear pretty valiantly and its definitely a winning moment!

Good job! Keep Writing!

This is gem signing off!

gem- he/him~





Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
— David Foster Wallace