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Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Siren’s Desire-Part Three

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

*This is part three of my series “Siren’s Desire”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Not a word was exchanged between Lorelei and Israfel since they had set on their adventure. It seemed as though both had forgotten how to speak, focusing only on the goal, flesh robots at work.

But Lorelei’s head pounded with thoughts. Thoughts of her parents and her little brother, Tristan, wondering where she was. Thoughts of Finn and Skylar, noticing that she wasn’t at school, and thoughts of Israfel, the living dream and nightmare, holding her hand, leading her on, long, silver hair glistening in the rising sun, along with the green-silver scales that were speckled in his pale skin.

Was Lorelei frightened of him? Yes and no. He saved her life once, but he could very well attempt to end it.

Besides, beauty tricked many people. Who’s to say that he wasn’t hiding a gruesome horror underneath the mystic splendor?

“Little human fair, are you afraid of what my secrets may bare?”

It took Lorelei a good three minutes to understand that he was asking her if she was scared of him.

“Well…I…”

Israfel stopped swimming. He turned to look at her, his seaweed green eyes patiently awaiting her answer.

What if she said the wrong thing? What if he killed her? What if-

He didn’t seem like he wanted to kill her. He hadn’t tried to kill her before, why would he kill her then?

“I…I’ve only ever read about beings like you. I never thought that you would be…real. Now that I know you’re real, it’s just that…how am I supposed to trust you?”

Israfel’s eyes tinted with sadness, as if it hurt him to hear those words.

“I see. You think me a villain, as plain as can be. But let me tell you a tale of family love, the greatest of all love, that took place in this very sea.”

Israfel took her hand and swam on, eager to get on with the voyage, with his story.

“Tis’ father, mother, me, and Eve. Eve was the young one, rosy cheeks and innocent eyes. We set out to sea, on a little boat, to find the treasure lying afloat.”

His hand felt less cold than it did before, more lifelike.

“Never did we find such beauties, but it was quite good fun! The four of us, against the world and the sun!”

What would life be like if Lorelei was a siren, if she had to live in a cave? Day and night, feasting on naive, unsuspecting humans, living off the blood of what was once her people? What conclusions would her family draw about her? How much of a loss would she be to everybody?

“I miss them terribly so, but I’ll be sure to take you back to your own.”

Lorelei smiled in spite of herself. He sounded so sweet, so genuine. Though there was the possibility of it being all a lie, it was nice to hear that he wouldn’t let her die.

……………………………………………………

Since that conversation, the two spoke more to each other, breaking the ice a bit.

Well into the afternoon, Lorelei wondered where they were going. How did Israfel know where to take them?

“Where are we going?” Lorelei asked, for it did trouble her just a bit.

“To Eunice Winston, I can smell her blood! I know the scent of souls that die to me, I know the scent of families. Winstons smell of clementine and rosemary.”

Did he know that she was a Winston the second she fell under his spell? If he could smell the Winston girls from the distance they were in, did that mean that he…lured her so that she could help him?

Did Israfel know that Lorelei lived close to the beach?

……………………………………………………

It was still the afternoon, but the sun was beginning to hang lower. The sea had looked the same for miles. Clear water with squirming creatures, not a single change in sight.

But in one moment, Israfel swam faster, gripped Lorelei’s hand tighter. She screamed, Israfel’s tail unintentionally whiplashing her face, but her screams were garbled, muffled.

Finally, Israfel stopped in front of an archaic wooden ship, white sails torn and withered.

“Is this where one of my ancestors lie?”

Israfel only nodded, no poetic rhyme drifting from him.

……………………………………………………

He swam towards the ship, careful not to let go of Lorelei. It may have taken longer for a human to swim to the ship, but it took only a few minutes for him.

Inside the ship were the skeletons of many people, dressed like…like…pirates?

“We’re in a…a pirate ship?” Lorelei asked, unable to stop herself.

She never thought that she would ever be in a pirate ship before. But then, what did she expect when traveling with a siren?

Floating in the middle of the ship was a young girl, only partly rotting, blond hair floating in a ghostly manner around her slightly decaying face.

Israfel let go of Lorelei and swam towards the girl, caressing her half-eaten cheek as soon as he was close to her.

“Warrior Eunice, she tried to resist me. But didn’t she know that it wouldn’t be easy?”

Israfel beckoned Lorelei to him. Lorelei complied, swimming over to him.

“Take her to the little island. It’s very close, you’ll see it when you rise from the water. It used to be where my family lived, before everything happened. She’ll be safe there.” Israfel said, handing Eunice over to Lorelei.

It was the second time he sounded human and not like a singing demon, his words genuine, authentic. Though his musical notes were enchanting, it was comforting to hear him actually speak.

A thought struck down upon her, a troublesome thought. They may have Eunice, but there were still four more girls to find. They were far out in sea, where anything could happen.

Would it be as easy to find the others as it was to find the pirate?

“We got lucky with Eunice. I can’t imagine us having the same luck with the other girls.” Israfel said, seeming to read her mind.

“But they’re out there and we have to at least try. Right?”

“Right.” Lorelei said.

She hoped that nothing too terrible would happen. Deep down, she knew better.


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229 Reviews


Points: 9163
Reviews: 229

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Tue Sep 19, 2023 11:13 pm
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foxmaster wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Once again, an amazing, cliffhanger-ish story, made by you! You once again expertly write tension, slight horror, and your trademark description when things die! Now, to the review:

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
What I can tell is that Lorelei ended up with Israfel and now they're in love, swimming together (or at least I think they're in love) and they go to see one of Lorelei's ancestors in a ship, who's apparently dead. Maybe she'll come back to life? Who knows?

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Overall, this was actually a really good story! You described well, and it wasn't just mostly dialogue. But, I did happen to notice some things.
I just mainly noticed that you weren't clear on some parts. For example, when Israfel talked about his past, or when he was saying how they were seeing her ancestor.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece

It seemed as though both had forgotten how to speak, focusing only on the goal, flesh robots at work.

I loved your description of calling them "flesh robots." It was really cool, and a really original way of saying that.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, you rocked a well-described, spooky, underwater story!
happy writing,
-foxmaster




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1487 Reviews


Points: 154417
Reviews: 1487

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Sat Sep 16, 2023 9:43 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hey vampricone, just popping by for a quick evening review!

But Lorelei’s head pounded with thoughts. Thoughts of her parents and her little brother, Tristan, wondering where she was. Thoughts of Finn and Skylar, noticing that she wasn’t at school, and thoughts of Israfel, the living dream and nightmare, holding her hand, leading her on, long, silver hair glistening in the rising sun, along with the green-silver scales that were speckled in his pale skin.

I really liked this paragraph, the way she’s so worried about what everyone will be thinking and then gets distracted by Israfel! It felt very realistic (obviously apart from the fact Israfel isn’t human lol)

“Little human fair, are you afraid of what my secrets may bare?”

This felt a bit too convenient given that she was literally just wondering if she was afraid of him. Maybe she could be surprised to herself that it’s like he’s reading her thoughts? Or something to make it seem more natural.

Israfel took her hand and swam on, eager to get on with the voyage, with his story

I’d actually forgotten they were swimming so this was a helpful reminder.

I like the way this chapter builds the relationship between Lorelei and Israfel. They may not be super close yet but I think this section does a good job at starting to establish a foundation. Now I’m more bought into her trusting him, but I like that she’s still questioning everything because that feels realistic.

Definitely my favourite chapter of this story so far! Looking forward to the next one!

Icy





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