Hi, I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This was a short but also interesting backstory. One day, Samantha's brother comes unannounced into her house and kills her brother. She tries to get revenge, but instead she gets killed instead.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Samantha screamed as she fell into the piano, the lid closing shut on her.
I was a little confused in this scene because how exactly did she land right under the lid? She would have had to have fallen at a very specific and awkward angle. And if that did happen, maybe you could describe how exactly that happened. I was just a little confused at that part.
Another thing - I think the part where Rhian sliced off Anthony's head was a little rushed. It happened so fast, like he walked in, and then immediately cut his head off. What did Samantha feel while it was happening? What did it look like? Was there a lot of blood? A little more description on that part might make it a little clearer.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
As always, you do a great job of describing the characters' thoughts, and especially Samantha's was vivid in this story. And the description of the scene and mood at the start was also good, along with Samantha's feelings when Rhian entered the house, and when she decided to take revenge for her brother. Great job!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this is another interesting story! I hope you will make a second part of this, because I really want to know what happens to Molly! Anyway, good luck in RevMo if you are participating!
Happy Writing!
Points: 15247
Reviews: 116
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