Young Writers Society

Hi again vampricone! =D

It's always nice to read your writing!

I'm not familiar with the characters, but I can tell they have a very complicated relationship. I could figure that out just from the first bit of dialogue! There's a lot of tension between these two, and I like how it's written. You are very straightforward when it comes to the characters' intentions in the conversation! It's better to go straight to the point because I assume this is only an excerpt of a bigger story, but I'm not sure! Either way, it has a solid plot.

The relationship status between Sandy and Rebecca is very confusing though. Like I said, I don't know them, but I wish there was a little more backstory. They could just be friends, but they could also be related in some way! They must know each other quite well to mention certain things, but it's never directly stated. I think going for something less direct would be perfect for this since it's shorter, but I'm missing the actual context here! A little more couldn't hurt anyone.

This is really interesting though! The ideas you play around with are really significant in real world issues, even though this is fantasy. That's always cool to see because it shows what you've built your world from! The characters could represent a lot of things as well. They have their faults, but they are both trying to some point across.

I'd love to see more from this! It's cool!

— Solstice

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well I'm back to review another one of your pieces and well once again this really is a very powerful piece here. I think I am familiar with the story of the characters mention here if I remember correctly and this ends up being such a powerful conversation here. It seems so simple on the surface but it just tells you so much more than just the words going on here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Hello dear.”

“Rebecca. It’s you.”

“A nice greeting, Sandy! Give me a nice greeting!”

“Why? You left us! We died alone! We could have been together. We could have gotten our feet right back up again.”

“I did the logical thing. I didn’t want to die of starvation. You three, on the other hand, died of something that could have been prevented. Why didn’t you marry another woman?”

“Because I loved you! I couldn’t just marry someone else as if you were nothing! Besides, it’s not like anyone would have loved me anyway.”

“Why didn’t you take the kids? The least you could have done was take them with you to your lavish life, instead of leaving them to die with me.”

“I didn’t want them.”

Sandy’s throat went cold. She just admitted that. In front of him.

Good thing Jack and Susan weren’t around. They would have been devastated.

Then again, they didn’t remember much about Rebecca, so maybe they wouldn’t care.

“That’s not true.” He himself didn’t even want to believe it.

She nodded.

“It is. I didn’t want them. Is that such a bad thing?”

“Yes! Yes it is! They are your children! Our children! Hate me if you must, but don’t hate them!”

She wouldn’t look at him. He hated that. She had to face him. They were having a conversation.

“I didn’t want this. Can’t you see? It’s all about the money. I’m sorry you fell in love with me, because that got you killed in the end. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go.”

She said this in a softer tone, still not looking at him.

And suddenly, despite everything, he felt sorry for her. He could see that she didn’t want this either. She seemed to care, just like him. Only in a different way.

“Rebecca.”

She looked up.

“Will you be going to Heaven soon?”

He knew she was sent to Hell. He knew she was paying her debt. He knew souls stuck to where they were, whether they liked it or not.

But maybe she deserved to go to Heaven. Maybe she shouldn’t suffer the way she did.

“I can’t. I’ll be sent to you and the kids.”

This stung Sandy, but if she wanted to be alone, then he would leave her be.

“You can’t go to Heaven? Why can’t you and your man go to Heaven together?”

“I don’t even know where he is.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Hell isn’t that bad. Just hot. I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Re-“

She disappeared, leaving Sandy alone. Demons never got to stay in Heaven for long.

Why did he still love her?