z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence Mature Content

Qetsiyah Martin’s story-Circus of horrors

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*This is the origin of a character from my story “Circus of horrors”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

In 1982, there lived an eighteen year old ballerina by the name of “Qetsiyah Martin”. She was delicate, dark-skinned, and dainty. She wore a lavender ballerina costume that seemed to have small silver sparkles twinkle in the tutu, like little faeries. She wore white tights with lavender bows stitched on. Her very ballet slippers matched with her costume. Qetsiyah’s face was covered with either a black veil or minimal makeup. Her head was adorned with a white, jeweled flower crown.

Qetsiyah performed for “The Circus of awe”. Her stage name was “The Lavender faerie”, but she was seen by the audience as “The beauty amongst the freaks”.

She didn’t appreciate the phrase, for it put down her fellow performers and only mentioned her appearance, but what was she to do? She was a performer, that was all.

Qetsiyah still had to perform, along with Elaine and Miles, the trapeze twins, and Malcolm the magician, even after the odd, peculiar deaths of Zippy and Cookie the clowns, and a little girl named Abigail.

She could see the uncertainty and worry in Teresa’s eyes, the very ringleader of the circus. She could see how Teresa put on a mask, just like Qetsiyah did.

All for the sake of keeping people happy.

…………………………………………………..

It was on a bright, sunny, fun-filled day, just like any other day at the circus, that Qetsiyah was forever changed.

She had finished twirling away for all to see and was at the moment, walking back to her car. There was a private parking lot for the performers, away from the audience.

To get to the parking lot, one had to walk on a dirt path through an overgrown forest. Qetsiyah was walking on said path, face covered with veil. Even though only wildlife was around, she felt safer with her veil on. She’d take it off when she went home, when she was alone, without people commenting on how it was a “pity to perform”. Performing was her passion, she wouldn’t have it any other way!

Besides, Qetsiyah could see perfectly fine with her veil on.

As she walked, she caught a black, void-like shadow moving amongst the leaves.

Qetsiyah dismissed it as nothing at first, for rustling leaves looked like shadows in the daylight.

But the shadow kept coming, moving more rapidly, as if it were an animal circling its prey.

A voice sang out to her, a demonic mockery of a woman’s:

“Tis’ I who killed the clowns

Tis’ I who tore the girl

Tis’ I who will break you

Accept your fate”

Qetsiyah tore off her veil, just to see the world in its true, natural colors.

All was colorful, all was bright, save for the shadow which morphed and deformed into a pale female creature with inky black eyes and a matching black dress. Her very hair was black too. So was her sad, decaying wings.

“I was once like you, my child. Human and full of such vibrancy. I was only Miriam, the neighbor across the street.”

“But now that I’m gone, why should you live?”

Qetsiyah tried to run, but she was paralyzed, trapped in a state of stillness.

Miriam smiled at her with a gaping, black mouth. She raised both hands in front of Qetsiyah.

Qetsiyah’s lips stitched and morphed together, sealing her screams. Pain, red-hot pain, scorched through her skin, bringing bloodied scars throughout her body. One of her eyes began to blur and then fade in vision entirely.

Qetsiyah felt herself losing control, something that never happened. She was the immortal, infinite ballerina, so full of grace and movement. She couldn’t just…die.

But she couldn’t help it. She was so weak…she fell to the ground, the world growing strange and dreamy around her.

Miriam disappeared into nothingness, as if she were only a mere nightmare.


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5 Reviews


Points: 99
Reviews: 5

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Sun Aug 20, 2023 12:33 pm
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Azathoth wrote a review...



Hey, here's my review of your great story from my inexperienced perspective.

First of all, I loved how you opened the story with the introduction of the time period, instantly giving the reader an idea of what type of setting the story takes place in, despite a location not being mentioned which is something that the story could've benefitted from.

I love the description of Qetsiyah's appearance, especially since it is such a big part of her character and how the world views her. I enjoy the idea of Qetsiyah being an outcast amongst the outcasts for the fact that she is not one. She is the freak of the freak world in a way.

The mentioning of the disappearance of the clowns was a good way to foreshadow that something was off and it set an unsettling vibe for the rest of the story (unsettling in a good way of course).

Qetsiyah wearing a veil is a nice touch. It is interesting how she hides herself as if her appearance is a problem when in fact she is considered beautiful. In a way, it is like the opposite of Phantom of the Opera. It also helps add to the suspense and mystery due to the fact that she can't properly see the world around her.

I think that the monstrous descriptions of Miriam are very good, especially the constant mentions of darkness such as her eyes.

I understand that this was a short story but I do feel that the dialogue when a bit too quick and this story could've been better with slower and more ominous dialogue, possibly an uncomfortable conversation between the characters before Qetsiyah dies (I don't know if she dies or not but I think it's implied, otherwise I'm just dumb.)

Overall you made an entertaining story with an interesting plot and well-worded descriptions, good job.






Qetsiyah does die in the end of the story.

Thank you for reading! :>



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1488 Reviews


Points: 154686
Reviews: 1488

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Thu Aug 17, 2023 8:52 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi again vampricone! I’m back for another quick review :)

In 1982, there lived an eighteen year old ballerina by the name of “Qetsiyah Martin”.

Because you start off with the time, it might be nice to add in the place too, just to fully set the scene of where this is all happening (bar the circus of course).

She wore a lavender ballerina costume that seemed to have small silver sparkles twinkle in the tutu, like little faeries. She wore white tights with lavender bows stitched on.

I love this description of her, but maybe you could change the way one of these two sentences starts. The ‘she wore’ one sentence after the other makes it feel a bit repetitive.

We also jump quite quickly from a description of the character to events suddenly happening. I think this would benefit from more of a transition, even if it’s just ‘one night’. I also wasn’t sure what the point was of talking about Teresa’s feelings in the first section when she isn’t mentioned again in this story.

I liked the second section, particularly the description you’ve used. Miriam certainly is super creepy! I feel like there might be more impact if the line about Miriam disappearing comes before Qetsiyah dies, just because I feel like we should end with a focus on the character the story was about.

Thanks for sharing, hope this was helpful!

Icy





The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller