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Young Writers Society

12+ Violence Mature Content

Michael’s story

by vampricone6783

*This is the story of Alexander’s friend,Michael.Gacha Club character designs are on my wall.


1974-Michael’s backyard

This story all starts with a seven year old boy named Michael,who is playing in his backyard right now.

One single boy who will contribute to another’s life tremendously.

Michael Davis was his name.

Chapter One-Skipping to school

1974-Oakland sidewalk

“Why are you skipping to school, Mikey?”

“It’s fun to skip.”

“But what if you trip and-“

“That can’t happen, Elsa.”

“It can’t?”

“Of course it can’t! Why would anyone trip on themselves while skipping? You’re a dumb kid-“

“Hey,that’s mean!”

“Okay. I don’t care.”

“Michael Anthony Davis! DON’T say that!”

“Sucks for you, because I still don’t care.”

Michael grinned as he skipped to school, his annoyed little sister, Elsa trailing behind him.

Chapter Two-Lydia

1974-Front entrance of Oakland elementary


“Bye bye!”

She skipped (Skipped! After she JUST said people could trip on themselves!) off to her section of the school (For pre-kers) and Michael walked off to his.

Along the way,he was met with-

“Lydia! Hi!”

His best friend.

“Hey Michael!”

Chapter Three-Hand in hand,to class

Michael and Lydia skipped to class,hand in hand,not a worry in the world.

Oh,how innocent they were!

Chapter Four-That boy

Some time after school

Since the school day was done,Lydia and Michael could go home!

They were skipping past the auditorium and…


Who could it be?

The two of them peeked in.

There was a little boy their age,covered in paint,while everyone else,including three teens laughed at him.

“Lydia! Get help! I’ll go calm him down.”



He didn’t waste any time.

He ran over to the boy and said these words:

"My friend Lydia is getting help for you.I'm Michael.Come on,follow me.I'll help you."

Chapter Five-Daisies

1974-Michael’s backyard

Michael and the boy (Alexander was his name) were picking daisies in his backyard.

Ever since that paint incident a few months ago,Alexander had patches of raw skin where the paint spilled on him.

But that didn’t stop Michael from being his friend. Alexander was nice and his parents always said that if a person was nice, then they were a friend.

And that’s what Michael saw in him. A friend.

“These are pretty!”

“I know they are.”

“Thank you,Michael.”

“Of course!”

Chapter Six-Maisie

1980-At Michael’s house-Michael is thirteen-Lydia is twelve-Alexander is fourteen

“But I like her!”

“Wasn’t Maisie that girl who bullied you?”

“No! I’m sure she’s different.”

“Alexander,do you know what you’re saying?”

“Yes! Trust me!”

“You should listen to Michael.He’s right.”

“Lydia! Please?“



“Well...if it makes you happy.”

“Thank you! See now he gets it!”


Chapter Seven-Talent show

Somewhere at school

“Hey Alexander, you should join the talent show.”

“Me? But I have no talent.”

“Yes you do!”

“No one likes clowns.”

“Listen,I will keep bringing this up if this is the last thing I do.Want that girl to like you? You’ve got to show her your worth.”


“I have faith in you.”

Chapter Eight-Happy with Lydia

At the talent show

“Wow, Alex, that was amazing!”


“Right, Lydia?”


Chapter Nine-A friend’s conversation


“Are you sure about this marriage, Alex?”

“Of course I am! I love her!”

“But what if she-“

“I don’t have a doubt in the world!”


“Not a single one!”

Chapter Ten-An escape

Michael was making pasta for Lydia and Elsa, who were visiting him out of a (foolish) kindness, as they had seen how worried for Alexander he was.

Alexander seemed okay with his life so far.He had better things ahead of him…

Smoke began to fill up the entire kitchen.

He couldn’t stop it.

It was covering everything.



He couldn’t do such a thing.

Chapter Eleven-Smoke

All he could see was smoke...all he could smell was smoke…

What did he do wrong?

Would Elsa be okay?

Would Lydia be okay?


Chapter Twelve-Death

It was too late.

Somehow, he felt that he was dead.

Dead and done for. 

Characters in Gacha Club:

Michael (angel):

Is this a review?



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646 Reviews

Points: 79424
Reviews: 646

Sat Sep 03, 2022 6:28 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...


RandomTalks here with a short review!

While I was reading the story, I was very confused as I thought it read very similar to something I have read before. The characters and even the situations felt very familiar and it took me a moment but I finally made the connection with your other story named Lydia's Story.

Once I had placed it, the experience of reading this story became somewhat different. I was viewing the same story from a different lens and it made me all the more attached to the characters and concerned about what I knew was going to happen to them.

I loved how the introduction reads more like a prologue that engages our curiosity at once and pulls us into the story and into the lives of our main characters. I enjoyed the fast-paced narration which was directed almost entirely by dialogues. It presents us with an interesting situation as our entire perception of the characters depends on the interactions between each other. So here, I would suggest giving each character a distinct voice so that their personality shows through their dialogues.

For example, here:

“Of course it can’t! Why would anyone trip on themselves while skipping? You’re a dumb sister-“

“Hey,that’s mean!”


This exchange between the siblings was going very steadily and their reactions were very typical of the relationship we usually get to see between brothers and sisters. Elsa calling him mean made me smile but then the entire interaction ended suddenly with Michael responding with a single word, "okay." This response felt a little unnatural to me (in line with the conversation at hand), unless you were trying to reflect Michael's character through this. He does feel like someone who would avoid confrontation unless he absolutely no other option.

I also liked the extra insight we got into Michael's life and the different take on the ending. The ending of Lydia's Story still left the question of their survival unclear, but here we are told that they did not make it. I do feel that you could have been a little less direct about their deaths, so that it could have left a deeper emotional impact on the readers.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

User avatar
232 Reviews

Points: 2978
Reviews: 232

Sat Sep 03, 2022 5:44 pm
LadyBug wrote a review...

Hi Vampire! Jade here to give you a review. I saw in the green room that you didn't have any, and I wanted to stop by. That aside, let me get right into it.

I'm going to start with the formatting. I know this is old, and your style has probably changed, but bolding chapter titles (Chapter 1) and so on would be really good. It seems counterintuitive, but it would help keep us in the story more than wondering who is saying "Chapter 3." Finding another way to differentiate speaking from set-up is italicize words. it would also help. For example: This story all starts with a seven year old boy named Michael,who is playing in his backyard right now

Moving on a little. At first, it seemed you didn't do much set-up with dialogue or describing scenes, and there was a lot of talking. HOWEVER, I realized this was maybe an interview, and this was how it was supposed to be set up. If it is, maybe mention the interviewer? If it's not, try using less talking and more action in your work.

Right now everything is one long conversation, and while that can help, I want to know more about the scenery and background.

As for the contents of the chapter itself, you do a good job with dialogue! It felt young and I wasn't bored reading, so I really enjoyed it. My one concern is "you dumb sister" as someone with siblings, I don't call them brother/sister, I call them "dummy, stupid" anything immature. We don't need to state they're related.

I really liked your work and I hope to see more from you soon! Have a good day!

Maybe what most people wanted wasn't immortality and fame, but the reassurance that their existence had meant something. No matter how long... or how brief. Maybe being eternal meant becoming a story worth telling.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality