Young Writers Society

Hi there, once again! Ellie here again to leave a review on these lyrics of yours Let's jump right in to the review!

Take away all of my pain

Make me laugh again

Stuff my face with your candy

Want to die in sugary oblivion

You’re sweet and you’re sour

Mi payaso, mi amor

You’re a friend and you’re a foe

Mi payaso, mi amor

You know how to rid me of my woes

They tell me you don’t exist

You tell me you only want to kill kids

Who cares what they say? Who cares what you are?

I’ll let you end me

Together, you and I will stay

Make me feel young again

Hey there, vampricone! Rebel here for a short review! :p

This is an interesting poem, I wonder why it hasn't been liked or reviewed for 4 months, but well, here I am! Late served but well served!

Although vampricone says that poet is about a creepypasta character Jack, to me, however, without the introductory paragraph, the poem would have seemed to be an ode to the frolicking, fun-loving, caring, and lovable beloved of the poet - well, except for that You tell me you only want to kill kids line - that... sounds ominous. Except for that line, the idea of Jack the Clown being a haunting, terrifying, and dreadful psychopathic murderer could have been hinted a bit more throughout the poem - but that's just a small detail. Maybe that's just me though. Or maybe I would have been less critical if the mango I just had wasn't as bitter as it was sweet - who knows?

Well, now for the analytical structure of the poem - I do not really emphasize the importance of rhyming patterns a lot as long as the flow of the lines sound natural and cool enough. And your poem had a nice, lyrical, and rhythmic beat throughout. Perhaps the lines We’re drowning in our past / Clinging onto what is lost sounded a bit less natural to me, for the change in rhythmic pattern (AABB) from the previous stanza You want to be colorful again / You want to be with that boy again / You hold onto your rainbow self / I hold onto my childlike self felt a little off. Or, perhaps it's just me.

Overall, the oxymoronic lines, the verbose use of romantic yet still horrifying metaphors and similes, the little Spanish words (I am sorry, but Spanish is just sweeter than English, so I like it whenever there's a Spanish word in an English poem), the overall rhythmic and lyrical pattern - and the idea of the poem itself in light of the context was really nice to read. It's a really nice and thought-provoking poem... well, only if you think about it, otherwise it's just disturbing - in a good way, however. Well, that's all. Keep writing! :p

P.S.: This review is brought to you by Team Tortoise! :p