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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Lily-Clowns,Magic,Murder and Lies

by vampricone6783


*This takes place after Philippa’s death and is from the perspective of her little sister,Lily.I have Gacha Club character designs on my wall.Enjoy!

Once,there was a little girl named Lily.She was three years old.

Lily had two older siblings.One was an adult.His name was Conrad.The other was Philippa.She was a teenager.But Philippa was dead.

Lily didn’t understand why Philippa had to die.She loved her older sister.She performed at her family’s circus as a clown and Lily loved to watch her.She was fascinated by her big sister.

So when she and her Mom went home from the candy store and found Philippa,dead,in the kitchen,Lily didn’t talk to anyone for days.It wasn’t fair! Why did her cool,lovely older sister have to die?!

Conrad visited her and talked with her,but it wasn’t the same.She missed Philippa.

Soon,it was Lily’s birthday.She’d be turning four! She wanted to go to her family’s circus,because she believed Philippa would be there,somehow.

When she and Conrad arrived at the circus (Her parents didn’t want to take her),Lily was overjoyed.She had a birthday cake and everything!

However,the party started to thin out and get boring.To make the game less boring,Conrad decided that they play “Hide and Seek.”

Lily stood in a circus tent,impatiently waiting for Conrad to find her so he could take her home.

Suddenly,a tall,purple haired female clown in a pink dress tapped her shoulder with a pointy finger and said:

“Follow me.”

“Why?! Who are you?!” Lily asked.

The clown just smiled.

“You can call me Violet.” Violet said.

“Violet? My older sister Philippa used to talk a lot with someone named Violet..” Lily trailed off,about to cry.She couldn’t say her name without crying.

“Aw,don’t be sad.Follow me and I’ll make you feel better.I promise.” Violet said.

Lily looked around.No one was watching.

She took Violet’s hand.

Violet brought her to a dark tent,where she told Lily to stand still.

“What are you-“ Lily was saying,but Violet came rushing towards her with a machete.

Lily couldn’t scream.She was too frightened to.She could only watch in horror as Violet sliced apart,one by one.Red blood was pooling on the dirt floor,the tent reeked of fresh blood.

………………………………………………………………

Lily woke up.She looked down at her body and felt her face.

“You’re a clown now.I killed you,so I gained a human form.” A voice said.Violet.

Instead of the clown she saw earlier,it was a blond haired girl with purple eyes.

“Here’s a mirror.” She said.

Lily screamed in horror.She was ugly! She was a purplish-pinkish haired demon clown.

Violet snickered at her and turned to leave.

“Oh and before I go,you should know that you can’t leave this place.You’re trapped.” She said.

“Don’t worry,I’m doing the same thing to your big brother,too.Soon you’ll be together.” Violet cackled.

Lily felt like crying.She didn’t like this! Not one bit!


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232 Reviews


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Wed Sep 28, 2022 5:34 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi Vampire! I really liked this story, especially the bittersweet end to it. It feels like your writing has grown a lot these past few months, and I really like your creativity when it comes to horror. My one critique is that the format does still sometimes feel choppy in a few places, I'm sure if you give it another proof-read you'll be able to see where. You could also utilize show don't tell, where you can show something about a character instead of saying. She is sad, or, her lip quivered. Other than that, I really liked this!




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Fri Mar 18, 2022 3:35 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hello! Having just read Conrad's story I was interested to see what happened to Lily so I thought I'd pop over and review this piece too.

Once,there was a little girl named Lily.She was three years old.

I'm not sure if this intentional, but in the story with Conrad she was four years old. Did this happen a year before that one? I'd love to see a timeline with the events to keep up!

The other was Philippa.She was a teenager.But Philippa was dead.

Would a three year old really understand this? It's written very simply which fits with her age but the concept of having an adult brother and a dead teenage sister seems a bit too complex to be understood by her.

I think my overall comments for this one are much the same as the version with Conrad's story. This one I think is much more complicated to increase tension and suspense as we're seeing it all through the eyes of a young child. But the graphic description didn't really align with that. I'd love to see it explained more simply, as though a child was telling that part of the story too.

This review is more short and sweet, but hopefully you can combine it with my comments on the other piece to be more helpful!

Icy






So%u2026she%u2019s three,but turning four.It%u2019s the same day.



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Fri Mar 11, 2022 4:42 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This story was kind of very predictable, to be very honest. In the previous story, we did get to see some character traits of this Violet and that genuinely made me suspect her.

There's one thing which I do wonder about. Why is Violet doing this? I mean I understood the case of doing it with Lily but I am confused about Conrad. What benifit will Violet get from killing Conrad? I don't see any benifit at all. Would really like clarifications. Another's thing which I would like to point out is the age of Lily. Like, first of all the story is set in 90s. I really don't expect a three year old person to know what dating is and that also in the 90s. Maybe you could just say that there was a friendship between them.

Not very important but I think you could be a bit more appropriate in using the terms in that organ slicing thing. Again not that a three year old would know very much about the internal organs but hm... Like little minds are very much curious about everything. And eh, they do have the sense that if they are being sliced, they would die. So, that's a thing you could insert there.

Overall, I think this was a good story. I really liked how Lily was very heartbroken after her sister's death. That portrays the love she had for her sister. And also Conrad too portrayed a good character sketch. He portrayed the "adult" thing.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






Thanks.

I will edit this.




Just because you don't feel like a hero in your own story, doesn't mean you're not a hero in someone else's.
— Tenyo