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12+ Language Violence

Leona’s origin story-Eloise’s daughter.

by vampricone6783

*Leona is a character of mine from my story:”Eloise-the demented doll woman.” If you are interested in what she looks like,you can even look in my wall or my story:”Eloise-the demented doll woman.” There will be pictures of her there.Anyway,let’s get this started!

Once upon a time,there was a little witch girl named Leona.Leona Fiztgerald.

Leona loved to play hopscotch,eat lollipops and wear pretty clothing.

She had a Dad who just simply adored her.Her Mom…never noticed her.

Every time Leona tried to do something to impress her mother,like doing a complicated tap dance or reading the longest page in a book to her,her Mom still seemed unimpressed with her.

She was so confused.Why wasn’t her Mom paying attention to her?

One day,Leona needed new sweaters.So her father took her to a place called:”Eloise’s boutique.”

The place was pristine,the clothes all beautiful,everything was so neat,shiny and pretty.

A woman walked up to them.She had short,black hair,glasses and freckles.She was wearing the store uniform.Her name tag red:”Eloise Blake.”

“Are you the owner of the store?” Leona asked,wide eyed.

Eloise smiled and nodded at her.

Leona gasped.She couldn’t believe she was talking to THE owner of this amazing,wondrous place.

Leona got her sweaters from that place,but every time she needed new clothes,she’d always tell her Dad to go to Eloise’s.

Eloise was more of a Mom to her than her birth mother was.

If she’d get upset,she’d go to Eloise.If she needed advice,she’d go to Eloise.If something amazing happened to her,she’d go to Eloise.If she just wanted to talk about random things,she’d go to Eloise.

She started calling Eloise “Mom” and her mother “Mother”.

She never called her birth Mom “Mommy” or “Mom” ever again after she met Eloise.Just “mother”.

When Leona was fourteen,she asked her mother  a question:

“Why don’t you pay attention to me?”

Her mother stared at her.

Finally,she said:

“Because I never wanted a child.”

“Then why didn’t you get an abortion? Why’d you let me be born if you never wanted a kid in the first place?” Leona asked furiously.

She cleared her throat.

“If I did THAT,this whole family would blame me for murder and I don’t want that.” Her mother said.

Now,Leona understood things from her mother’s perspective.But that didn’t change how she felt about her.

Leona ended up avoiding her mother and when she grew up,she decided to start her own circus.

She wanted to showcase the unnatural wonders of the world.She knew children would be awed by what she had and she wanted children to be happy.Leona wanted kids to experience the same things she felt when she first met Eloise.

Leona told Eloise all about her circus and Eloise was excited for her.Eloise supported her and that was all the support she needed.

At first,Leona just had some clowns run around,confectionery sold,jesters dance and all that other fun stuff.

But Leona wanted more.

So,Leona went to Eloise’s boutique to tell Eloise about her dilemma.

When Leona got there,she found Eloise selling a dress in some sort of leather to a woman.She called it:”new material.” This material was like skin.Leona wasn’t surprised that Eloise discovered a brand new material.She was intelligent and hard working.

That’s why Leona needed her now.When Eloise was done selling the dress,Leona asked:

“What do I do? I have a circus,but I want more.”

Eloise walked up to her.

“Listen,You’ve worked hard for this circus and I love you for that.But you need to relax.Here,I’ll give you some powers.They make hard work easier.” Eloise said.She gave Leona some magical witch powers.

Leona thanked her and walked away.

Relax? What? She’d never relaxed before.

Leona went back to her circus and continued having people visit her.

As she was working at the circus,she a family.

A Mom,a Dad and a little girl.

The Dad and little girl were saying hi to the clowns and jesters.The little girl smiled as she bit into cotton candy,holding balloons.Her Dad laughed with her.The Mom seemed to be the only one who didn’t pay attention the child.

Leona stared at them.They reminded her of her and her family.

The child giddily ran around.She accidentally bumped into Leona in her excitement.

“Oops.Sorry.” The child whispered.

Leona smiled.

“It’s alright.My name is Leona.What’s your name,little one?” Leona asked.

“Esmerèe.My name is Esmerèe.But you can call me Esmè.” Esmè said.

Her parents found her talking to Leona.

“Sorry about that.We’ll leave you alone now.” The parents said,taking the child with her.

But that wasn’t the last she saw of the child.They kept visiting her,because Esmè loved the circus.

One day,Esmè,wearing the same outfit she saw her in last time,only her hair was in braids,ran up to her giddily and asked:

“You don’t happen to have any circus freaks,do you?”

“Esmè! Don’t say that! That’s rude!” Her father chastised.

A lightbulb went off in Leona’s head.That’s what she needed.Circus freaks.

But she couldn’t find any…

…she didn’t have to…

…if she couldn’t find any,she’d make them.

She smiled at Esmè and her father.

“Would you like to help me?” Leona asked.

“Of course!” Esmè squealed.

“Then follow me.You can come too.” She said to the Dad.

They followed her into a dark corner in the circus.

Leona imagined them as humans,but with snakelike abilities and snake scales.

“W-What are you doing?” Emsè asked nervously.

Leona raised her hands..

…and turned them into snakelike people.

“Hhheeyyy!! Whhhatt was thhat for?” Esmè hissed.

Her father glared at her,but Leona just brought the mother over and told her what happened to them.She wanted to see if she was just like her mother.

Sure enough,after she told her,she took one look at her family,called them ugly and walked away.

“I’m doing you guys a favor! You don’t have to deal with that woman anymore.” Leona said.

Leona snatched the child,locked her in a cage and only fed her rats.

She sent the father away.Why,you ask? Because in her eyes,the child deserved to suffer.She wanted Esmè to know the pain she felt growing up.

Of course,Esmè’s Dad tried to get to her,but she’d always stop him.

Time passed and Leona had gotten bored with sitting around in her circus all

day.So,she went to visit Eloise’s boutique.Eloise’s sisters were there,too.

Leona tried to find Eloise,but she couldn’t find her anywhere.

“Maybe she’s in the backroom.” Leona said.

She opened the door to the backroom and there she was.Murdering a child.

Leona held back a huge gasp of surprise.She never knew Eloise was a killer.Whatever.She still loved Eloise.

Her sisters found her looking at Eloise.

Of course,when her sisters found out,they decided to kill her.Leona couldn’t stop it.She tried to,but she couldn’t.

Her sisters used their powers and pushed a shelf on her.Eloise got crushed.Leona went up to Eloise…

Eloise was dead.

Leona called the police and told them she found her like this.They wouldn’t believe her if they told her it had something to do with magic.

Leona held a funeral for her and to her disgust,she was the only one who attended her funeral.How could her sisters be so cruel as to murder her?! Even though Eloise was a murderer,she didn’t deserve to die.Not in Leona’s eyes.

Leona went back home and changed out of her funeral clothes.She wanted to relax and reflect life at her circus.

When Leona got to her circus,she was calmly strolling it.

Then,she smelled something.


The place was burning down.

Esmè,in messy hair and rags,held a burning tree branch.

“I hhattte tthhiss pplace.This all deserves to be burned uppp.” Esmè dropped the stick in the ground.

“Come back her,you ugly snake girl!” Leona screeched.

Esmè ran away.

Leona tried chasing her,but the smoke was too much.

She let the smoke fill her lungs and clog her senses.

Leona lay on the ground,dead…

…When Leona picked herself back up again,she realized that she was a ghost and she let Esmè escape.

Leona wished she wore something more dark and stylish.She imagined herself in a black dress and black cloak,her blond hair billowing in the wind.

The outfit appeared on her.

Leona was standing in her circus.But it was a hellish version of it,an evil dimension.

She smiled.

Leona walked out of the circus and found Esmè running away.

“Oh,no you don’t.” Leona cackled.

Leona grabbed the child and locked her in a cage.Then,she took her to the circus.

“Even though I’m dead,I’ll never stop torturing you.” Leona said with false sweetness.

“Whhhyyy are you doing this?! I loveddd you!” Esmè sobbed.

Why did Leona’s birth mother never love her? Why did Eloise have to die? Why did people mess with Eloise’ boutique? Why did she have to burn in a fire?

Life just wasn’t fair for Leona.

So why should she make it fair for Esmè?

“Because you’re an ugly brat.” Leona hissed,trapping the child.

Is this a review?



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1232 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

Thu Dec 09, 2021 11:05 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi vampricone6783,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I´m here to kick your story out of the Green Room, so let´s get started! :D

We have a great little horror story here with some twists and turns and I especially like that I remember a little bit of other stories and then see a connection between all of them. That's something I really like, that you put so much effort into showing the different perspectives and always create new revelations.

I like how you start the story and it comes to a short introduction. We get more information from Leona and even a bit of a motive from her and how she came to meet Eloise. I think you've done a good job of getting those moments across so that the reader always has a glimpse of it and can also get into the story. One thing, that I missed is here:

Leona ended up avoiding her mother and when she grew up,she decided to start her own circus.

It wasn't clear at the beginning that Leona wanted to do something with a circus and I think you could try to introduce that in more detail at the beginning. Because it was more of a surprise for me, to read this.

Here to, I have a question:

Eloise said.She gave Leona some magical witch powers.

I know from another story that there is also magic in your stories, but you could have maybe expanded on that a bit more so that the reader knows something about it. It was a bit unexpected and turned the whole context in a new direction.

In general, I liked the story. I would just be careful that you don't jump from one point to another too quickly and expand them a bit more. Also, sometimes there are problems with the spaces, that they are missing especially after the end of a sentence.

Have fun writing!


User avatar
27 Reviews

Points: 208
Reviews: 27

Fri Nov 05, 2021 7:50 pm
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Col3 wrote a review...

This whole story made me so sad. The fact that Leona's mother never paid attention to her, but she still knew happiness but still did the things she did made me feel so sorry for Esme`. I was really into the story though, and really enjoyed it. The thing that didn't make any sense was this part

"Leona raised her hands..

…and turned them into snakelike people."

She had powers? I didn't know that. I was confused at first but decided to go with the flow. But anyways, I really liked this story and thank you for posting such a wonderful chapter! Have a good day/night.

vampricone6783 says...

Thanks for reading!

I edited the story so that you know that Leona has powers.

life is so much better with tater tots
— AilahEvelynMae