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12+ Violence Mature Content

It’s all a bit tragic isn’t it?

by vampricone6783


*This is the origin of the clown from my story “The clown and the little girl.” Gacha Club designs are in my wall.Enjoy for I have been excited to show you this story.Description idea was from @Horisun.

Introduction 

The first day of third grade in 1974.

The day when kids think they’re all grown up.

When they think they’ve got everything figured out.

When they think they know what’s cool and isn’t.

Little did eight year old Alexander know that this was the beginning of a horrid life.

He jumped out of his soft,white bed and frowned for a moment at his bare room.

Alexander only had an Oak desk,three spinning top toys scattered on it,a wood chair and a green fluorescent light on the bumpy white ceiling.

He wanted to have more things in his room,but his parents didn’t let him.They said it was too much money,he didn’t remember.

Alexander walked over to his closet on the cold floor and opened the door.

He had a wide variety of colorful clothes that his parents did let him have and he loved every single one of them.

A bright red shirt.Pants that were yellow like mustard.Maybe some pink socks with purple polka dots,knee high.

The perfect outfit to start off third grade.

Alexander grinned,pulling out the shirt and pants from his closet and closing the door.He’d get the socks from his drawer later.

As he was changing his clothes,he remembered when a girl called him a clown for what he wore.She didn’t know that he liked clowns and that the comment actually made his day.

But this was the nicest thing any other kid had said to him.She wasn’t one of the kids who would call him stupid or weird.She wasn’t like that one guy in the neighborhood who would rather nurse a squirrel back to health than a boy who fell off his bicycle.

No.He couldn’t think about that.Not right now.

He slipped the pants on and then the socks.Then,he looked at the long mirror on his wall.

It was happening again.His bones were sticking out.At least that’s what he was told.He was just thin.Sickly thin.He’d be called:”Skeleton.”

It wasn’t his fault that he was skinny,that was just how he was.

Alexander brushed back his soft black hair with his hand.He stared at his own brown eyes.

Nothing would go wrong today,nothing would go wrong today,nothing would go wrong today-

“GET DOWN HERE AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST OR YOU’LL BE LATE!”

A voice.His mother.

He ran to his door and rushed downstairs to the dining room table,where his Dad was reading the newspaper and his Mom had just cooked breakfast.

Alexander pulled up a chair and sat down.Maybe his parents would be happier if he said hello.

“Hi Mommy-“

“Eat.”

“But I want to say hi-“

“Eat!”

The sunny-side up egg was burnt so badly it was black and the orange juice in the plastic cup was a muddy brown.

“This looks bad-“

But one look from his Mom told him that she wouldn’t want him to complain.So he quickly ate his breakfast.



Chapter One-Lydia and Michael 

1974-Eight years old-Oakland Elementary 

After eating breakfast,Alexander rushed to fasten his velcro purple shoes on and grabbed his backpack.

The repetitive beep of the school bus.

He had to get there quick or he would be late.

After saying a quick goodbye to his parents who probably weren’t even listening,he ran over to the school bus just in time to get inside.

Alexander nodded to the driver (Just because it was the nice thing to do) and sat on the front row.

“Look,it’s clown boy!”

“Want to make us laugh?”

“Come on,freak!”

“Perform a little show for us!”

“Yeah,come on!”

Alexander just smiled.Clowns didn’t cry.They didn’t care what others thought.They just kept on performing.

Just keep smiling and you’ll be okay!

So he sat in silence while the boys mocked him and the girls giggled.

……………………………………………………

“We’re here!” The driver yelled.

Alexander peered out the window and smiled to himself.

He knew that school,it was familiar to him as life itself. “OAKLAND ELEMENTARY” ,the place where he could try and find friends.Every year he hoped to find a friend.He never did,but maybe this year would be different.

“Hey.Get off the bus.”

Alexander blinked and realized that he was the only one on it.

So,he got off his seat and jumped out the bus door,almost falling on his face,but stopping himself with his hands in the process.

Alexander pretended to brush off the dust on him and skipped to school,singing softly to himself along the way.

“Hey kid!”

He turned toward the voice.

There were three older and taller boys,one had blond hair,the other had black hair and the last had orange hair.

Maybe they were eighth graders,he didn’t know.

But why were they talking to him?

The one with black hair walked up to Alexander and said:

“Come to the auditorium after school.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.We have a surprise for you.”

“Um..okay.”

How odd..

……………………………………………………

School had just ended and Alexander was only left with a few kids and teachers who were in the after school programs.

He was walking down the long hall until he saw the doors labeled “auditorium.”

Alexander walked inside and found the three boys in the rows,with some other kids who were doing their own things.

They gestured at him to come over and he did.

“Go up on that stage and sing.”

“Sing?”

“Yes.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“We want to see you sing.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You mean it?”

“Yes,now get on the stage!”

Alexander scurried over to the stage and started singing.

Then,he noticed that were buckets of paint up on the stage ceiling.

Maybe they wouldn’t fall on him..but what if they did? What if it all came crashing down?

“Are you sure I’ll be okay?“

He didn’t like that the paint buckets were over his head like that.What if they fell on him and made Alexander look like a fool?

“Trust us.You’ll be fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

The teenage boys grinned at the unsuspecting child.

So,he continued to sing and then-

Cold white sticky paint covered the boy.He couldn’t even see,his eyes were squeezed shut by the paint.

Alexander opened his eyes slowly and saw the boys laughing at him.

They were laughing at him.

And there were other kids doing it too,he could see with his blurry vision.

He saw a girl run out of the auditorium and a boy his age walk up to him.

“My friend Lydia is getting help for you.I’m Michael.Come on,follow me.I’ll help you.” 

Alexander nodded while holding back tears..

Chapter Two-Seeing Maisie

1974-Eight years old-Alexander’s bathroom.

He tried so hard to scrub the paint off his body.

Standing in the bathtub,Alexander scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed,trying to get that awful sticky stuff away from his skin.

As he washed it off,chunks of skin that was covered in paint fell off and joined the paint clusters that was going down the drain.

His skin had patches of raw pink on them.

“My skin..the paint is making my skin come off!” Alexander cried.

He had to continue,in order to make the paint come off.He had to keep on washing himself until all of it came off,until his skin was down the drain.

Alexander sobbed while washing it all off,helpless in the situation he was in..

……………………………………………………

1980-Fourteen years old

“So Alex,want to join the school talent show?”

Alexander was walking to school with his friend,Lydia.Ever since that incident when he was younger,she’s always been protective of him and really cool to be with.

They were talking about the school talent show in the auditorium and Lydia wanted them to join.

Alexander pretended he didn’t care about it,but in reality,he did.

The patches of raw skin never left him.So,people in school made fun of him for it.They always picked on him for his fashion choices and his skinniness,he could never win.

What if they made fun of him again when he joined the talent show? What if they all laughed at him?

But what if he could make them laugh for a good reason and not a bad reason? It was a thought,after all.

…………………………………………………….

Lydia and Alexander finally reached their school.

That’s when he saw her.

That girl with the long,black hair,sparkling gray eyes and lavender sundress.

“Who is that?”

“That’s Maisie.She’s new here.”

“Maisie…she’s pretty.”

“Yeah and she’s way out of your league,Alexander.Let’s go.Michael is waiting for us.”

But he couldn’t stop thinking about Maisie..

Chapter Three-He agrees



1980-Fourteen years old

When Alexander and Lydia arrived in school,Michael was waiting for them in the halls.

“So about the talent show-“ Michael was saying,but Alexander interrupted him.

“Why is everyone talking about the talent show? It’s just one stupid show-“

“We’re the only ones that talked about it,Alexander and don’t act like you aren’t excited about it.” Lydia said,a sly grin on her face.

“What?!” Alexander asked,growing increasingly nervous by the second.

“You know you want to join.You want to be a clown and what’s more is that you will join the show to impress Mais-“

“Don’t say her name!” Alexander blushed at the mention of her.

Michael raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“So you like someone,huh?”

“Maybe..I guess..yeah..”

“Go for it.Join.”

“But what if she doesn’t even care about my performance?”

“Then it’s her loss.”

With the reassuring smiles of Michael and Lydia,he had the confidence to join the talent show.

Chapter Four-The performance that really stole Maisie’s heart

1980-Fourteen years old-Oakland junior high-auditorium-11:03 A.M.

Alexander stood on the stage,covered in his clown makeup and costume,in front of the whole crowd of kids.

Today was the day.

For once,the crowd wasn’t going to laugh at him.They would laugh with him.

He took a deep breath and-

*The colors of the auditorium melded together perfectly*

……………………………………………………..

1980-Fourteen years old-Oakland junior high auditorium-11:25 A.M.

“Bravo! That was amazing!”

He opened his eyes and saw the whole crowd doubling over with laughter,smiling and cheering him on.

Even Maisie seemed excited.

If..if this was a dream…

…He didn’t want to wake up..

Chapter Five-The wedding 



1980-Fourteen years old-Oakland junior high auditorium-11:25 A.M.

Alexander walked out of the stage in a blur of colors,happy that he was being praised.Loved,even.

Maisie walked up to him,smiled,said some words he didn’t hear.He was too happy to really pay attention.

All he knew was that everyone liked him…

……………………………………………………

1987-Twenty-one years old-Oakland church

He felt the same as he did years ago,walking down the aisle of the church,about to marry Maisie,the love of his life.

How could such a thing occur?

Chapter Six-Mallory’s birth

1987-Twenty-one years old-Alexander’s childhood home-The living room.

After saying their vows,Alexander and Maisie danced with each other in the living room of his house inviting everyone to come over.His parents didn’t seem too happy about it but he didn’t care.They were never happy.

As they were dancing,Alexander looked into Maisie’s eyes and asked:

“Why did you marry me? You used to scoff at me after that talent show years ago.It’s like you only liked me then and didn’t care afterwards.Why did you do it?”

“Because I love you.”

“What made you love me?”

“You’re entertaining.”

“Oh..um..okay.Do you promise to stay by my side forever?”

“I already said that on the altar.”

“But can you promise me when no one is paying attention to us?”

“Alright,fine.I promise to be by your side,forevermore.Even if the entire world wants to crash us down,I want to be by your side.Happy now?”

Maisie asked this with sarcasm in her voice,but he just laughed lightly and said:

“Yes.”

Then,in a softer voice,almost a whisper,only for Maisie to hear,he said:

“I promise to hold your hand through the darkness,the chaos and the madness.I promise to sacrifice my flesh and blood for your safety.No matter what.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit dramatic?” Maisie asked.

“I like it.” Alexander said.

……………………………………………………

1991-Twenty-five years old-Oakland hospital-Mallory’s birth.

He had to sit in that waiting room.That horrid,white waiting room.He was expected to sit and wait patiently.

Maisie was in one of the rooms,giving birth to their daughter,while he just had to wait in here,with everyone else.

It didn’t help that his parents had told him he’d have an “ugly child” because he was the father.He just wanted to let them in his life a little!

But that was a mistake.He never should tell them anything.

They were “okay” with the fact that he had a job at an office,annoyed that he was also a clown and they couldn’t believe their ears when Alexander told them he was having a child.

What if those expired foods they fed him when he was younger caught up to him and killed him? Those moldy,disgusting eggs and brown orange juice?

Could his genes affect the baby?

What was he thinking?! Alexander wasn’t the one carrying the baby! His genes couldn’t do anything!

But..what if they could? What if they hurt her? What if she lived her whole life feeling alone and misunderstood? What if she was the butt of everyone’s jokes,the laughingstock of her school-

“Alexander Jackson?” A lady called out.

He got out of his trance.

“Yes?” He asked.

He could feel the judging looks of everyone else.They probably thought he didn’t care about his wife’s birth,that he was so uninterested as to forget about it,but in reality-

“Your baby has been born.Come on.”

Alexander got up and followed her down the long hall,until they reached Maisie’s room.

There they were.

His beautiful wife,holding his beautiful daughter.

As he walked into the room,he noticed the baby was..gaunt.With black marks on her face.

But if she were alive,then that was all that mattered.

“What are you going to name her?” Alexander asked.

“I was thinking of calling her Mallory.”

“That’s a lovely name.I like it.It kind of sounds like your name.”

Mallory cooed and touched Maisie’s face,who responded with “I love you” to her.

Alexander was going to hold Mallory,but before he could do so,she grabbed his finger!

He giggled at the action.Why did she have to be so cute?

But then,she spit out clusters of blood and started coughing.

A nurse came in and told them she didn’t know what was wrong with her,but maybe they could wait until she got older to figure it out?

Nothing else.

Just “wait until she gets older.”

That’s it.

Chapter Seven-When Mallory was gone

1995-Twenty-five years old-Alexander and Maisie’s house-The fight.

“Why are you always so protective of her?!”

“I just want her to be okay!”

“And I want her to be happy! She deserves to have joy in her life!”

“Yeah,she deserves to live!“

“You’re not helping her! You’re just keeping her away from everybody,that’s not helping.I don’t know what you think you’re doing,but you need to stop.”

“I’m done with you.”

“Great.I’m done with you too.”

They were fighting about four-year old Mallory,who was sleeping upstairs,in her room.Maisie didn’t like seeing other kids call her “skeleton” and often locked her in her room,preventing her from leaving.She’d open the door to feed her and give her water.

But Alexander wanted Mallory to enjoy life.Clearly,she wasn’t.She was always a crying mess around him,so that’s why he made the funhouse doll for her at the circus he performed in.

It was a porcelain clown doll,with blue eyes,curly black hair and a red dress.He would take her to see it,without Maisie knowing and the light that flashed in her eyes gave him life for a moment.

Only a brief moment,though.

And now that he brought it up with Maisie,she was yelling at him for caring.She thought she was doing a good job.

She didn’t care anymore.She just didn’t care.

……………………………………………………

1996-Thirty years old-At Alexander’s house-Mallory’s death.

Alexander had just drove home from his job at the circus,back to his home,where it was just him.Maisie took Mallory away,to live with her.

When he opened the front door,the phone was ringing.

Huh.Who could he be calling him right now? Who would want to talk to him,besides his two friends?

He went to the living room and picked up the phone.

“This is Oakland hospital speaking.Are you Alexander Jackson?”

“Uh..yeah.What..why are you calling?”

“Oh,you didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Mallory is in the hospital right now.Some kids were bullying her and Maisie shot her.”

“Excuse me,what? She shot her? What do you mean? What’s going on?”

“This is the hardest part of my job.Doing this.She’s-“

“What? What is she?”

“Well,you see she’s..she’s..”

“What?”

“She’s dead.”

Silence.

“Hello? Mr.Jackson?”

No.No,it couldn’t be true.They didn’t try hard enough.Surely,there was a chance for her to live,right? Why would Maisie shoot her? What was going on?

“Hello?”

He dropped the phone,not saying another word,not daring to speak.He’d stop breathing if he could.

Mallory was dead.

Chapter Eight-A crashing fate

1996-Thirty years old-At Alexander’s house-Alexander’s death.

Well..maybe..he..could still see her..right?

Maybe..they didn’t know what they were doing after all.Maybe she was still alive..why would Maisie shoot her? He..he needed to give her a talk-maybe more than that-

Alexander opened the door and ran out of his house,desperate to get to the hospital,not wanting to face traffic.Why,he’d run miles for Mallory-

A flash of white headlights.A car screeching.

All he saw was the blur of the sky and blood..wait..blood?

…………………………………………………

He was lying on the street,covered in his own blood.He couldn’t move,he couldn’t speak.

But somehow,he knew that he was alive.

A truck driver and his comrade stared down at him.

“I didn’t even see him coming.” The driver said.

“Who would be crazy enough to run in the street like that?” His friend asked.

“I don’t know.But if we say anything about it,we could get in trouble.”

“And that’s more concerning to you?” The other guy asked.

Alexander wanted to say that he was alive,he wanted to tell them he was still living,but he could only watch them while helplessly lying on the ground.

“We have families to feed,lives to live.Do you really want to spend your life in jail after running over some clown?” The driver asked.

They didn’t have to talk about him like that,he was right there.

“So what we do?” The second guy asked.

The driver took Alexander in his arms and said:

“We bury him.We never speak of this again.”

Wait,they were going to bury him?! Where?! What were they going to do?!

He remembered that there was a new sidewalk being built across his street…oh god no..were these guys construction workers? Were they going to bury him in the-

Alexander paid attention to what they were wearing this time.

Yes,they were construction workers.Yes,they were going to bury him in wet cement.

He knew that as they plopped him on the ground and covered him in the disgusting slimy and sticky stuff.

They were turning him into a sidewalk.

People were going to walk all over him.

Chapter Nine-Maisie Again

1996-Thirty years old-Outside-Afterlife.

Alexander woke up on the wet cement ground..wait..when did he get in wet cement?

Then,he remembered the construction workers who buried him in the ground after accidentally running him over.

Alexander turned around and looked at the soft cement on the ground,completely covering the fact that his body was in there.Soon,it would dry up and no one would know.

“Maybe I can see Mallory.She’s..she’s gone,too.Maybe then I can be with her.” He said.

Maisie didn’t ever want him to be with her,but she let them have some time together anyway,even though it was obvious that she didn’t like them together.

Why didn’t anybody in the court believe him when he said that she would only hurt Mallory? Why didn’t anybody listen to him?

Now wasn’t the time to ponder,he had to figure something out.

What was there to figure out? He was dead,he couldn’t do anything.

Or maybe he could-

Alexander felt his body being pulled back to his house,by some unknown force.

“What-what’s going on-what’s happening-“

He was being pulled closer and closer to his house,the whole world caving in and turning black-He was inside-and then-

The front door slammed shut.

Alexander tried vainly to open the door.

Nothing.

He tried opening the windows.

Still nothing.

Maybe if he were a ghost,he could pass through.

He tried running through the walls,only to be pulled back again by the invisible force.

“No..no..no-“

This couldn’t be-

“Not again.”

-But it was.

“I’m trapped.”

……………………………………………………

1996-Three weeks after the death of Mallory and Alexander-Maisie visits their old house.

Day in and day out,it was the same thing.

Walking aimlessly in his house.Trying to escape.

Going to Mallory’s old room.

Staring at the toys that were already starting to collect dust.

Trying to escape again.

Nothing.

Then,it would all go the same.

He tried using the old calendar,to connect in some way to his old life,to make sense of this mess.

But soon everything would go out of order and he would have to accept that.

Alexander sat on Mallory’s bed,vainly gripping the bed frame,thinking anger rising in his heart at all the times he has been wronged-

-The front door clicked open.

Who could be here right now?

“It’s been awhile since I was here.” A soft,familiar voice said.

Maisie.It was her again.

What was wrong with her? Why did she get so crazy with Mallory? Why did she keep them apart?

And why didn’t his friends even try to come here again? Why didn’t they check to see if he was..okay or even alive?

“I..I never wanted to hurt her..I didn’t even know it was her..I thought it was…a bully.Hey,I must have been imagining!”

She chuckled lightly and he gritted his teeth.How could she make jokes at a time like this? How could she walk in this house and-

-and then he remembered.

1974,eight years old,playing outside.

He was just riding his bicycle and a girl had called him a clown for his clothes.

That wasn’t the only time the girl picked on him.She did it every time she saw him.Why,she chased him home with a broom one time.

He never paid attention to those moments again.

Until now.

There was something..similar about Maisie and the girl.

Was..was she the girl who called him that? Did she used to hit him with a broom?

“It’s kinda nice being here again.” Maisie said.

Yes,yes she was.

“Damn you!” He yelled.

“Who is there?” She asked worriedly .

He didn’t think.He didn’t care.

He just sat up from Mallory’s bed and ran at the speed of light to the living room,facing her,his enemy he fell in love with,the lady with problems,the freaking monster-

“What..what are you doing?” Maisie asked.

Genuine fear clouded her eyes.

For a moment,he hesitated.Could he really hurt her,much less,kill her? Wouldn’t that make him no different than her?

But..she had hurt him..first by bullying,then by breaking his heart,last by destroying his and Mallory’s lives.

She didn’t deserve life.She didn’t deserve anything.

He walked towards her and tightly wrapped his hand around her neck.

“You…what are you doing?”

He didn’t know how his hands were solid,he didn’t know how he was able to hold her neck..

..But he wouldn’t let this chance go to waste.

He squeezed her neck as hard as he could,his fingernails sinking deep into the bare,soft skin.

Her eyes went white and her teeth gritted against each other.Even her face turned purple.

Maybe he couldn’t get rid of his parents.

But he could get rid of her.

“This is for taking her life when she had so much to live for.This is for making this me terrible ghastly beast.This is for everything,my love.”

He could feel himself changing into a demon,something that he wasn’t even surprised about.

His hands-now black claws,outlined with neon pink-dropped the lifeless woman.

Huh.She almost looked peaceful.She almost looked calm.

Almost.

He dragged her body down the hall and to the basement,right where she deserved to stay.

Forever.

Chapter Ten-Alone

1999-Alexander’s house

It’s been years since those deaths happened.People would come to visit the “haunted house” ,not caring at all who was in it.Usually,Alexander scared the adults away.Maybe teenagers if they were being intrusive.

But never kids.That’s where he drew a line.He tried talking to them,but they always cried or ran away.

And he was all alone,with Maisie’s vengeful ghost,following him,taunting him.

Maybe his friends,Lydia and Michael,were living peaceful lives.Hopefully.He didn’t know.

Would the rest of his afterlife be spent roaming around in his rickety and destroyed house?

Chapter Eleven-The little girl

?????-Alexander’s house

He didn’t even bother to look at the calendar anymore.

Every day,people would come.The living people.They all wanted to see him.”The evil and scary clown who haunts the spooky and abandoned house” or “The clown who killed his own wife.”

If only they looked past that.If only they realized that he was constantly,constantly trying to escape the wretched prison he used to call “home.”

Sometimes there would be families,with children.

He didn’t want to scare the kids away.He just..felt so desperate..and alone..and..empty…every time he looked at a kid,he wondered if maybe they’d be like his daughter..who smiled with her weak face..

..and Maisie just..she always tried to escape the basement,just like he was trying to leave the house.

Did killing her solve anything? Should he let her go?

He could..but he didn’t.

Something was wrong..with him.

And he didn’t know how to fix himself.



The front door creaked open.

He looked up from his sitting position in Mallory’s closet.

Someone was coming.

He stayed in the closet,waiting for the people to come in.

Small footsteps.A child.

Then,those same footsteps,only..closer.

Alexander peaked through the creak in Mallory’s closet.

A little girl.Crying.In front of the door.

Huh.Mallory used to cry.A lot.Seeing her happy made him happy.

Could he talk to her?

But what he bothered her? What if he scared her? Was it really worth it? Should he just be doomed to drown in his own loneliness?

Maybe he could try.Maybe she wouldn’t run away.

Oh god,what if she was afraid? He really didn’t want to be the cause of her fear.

Well,it was now or never.

He stood up,walked to the door (It was a walk-in closet) and opened it.

The girl jumped back,her eyes turned with the terror all children had and she could only weakly stutter:

“W-What?”

Mallory used to stutter.He hated it because she didn’t deserve to be so afraid.

But he just let her speak.He thought if he gave her time,she’d talk more freely.

“It’s okay.I won’t hurt you.” He said,trying to soothe the sweating child.

Alexander wasn’t lying.He wouldn’t hurt her.

“H-H-How d-d-did y-y-o-o-u g-g-get h-h-e-r-r-e?” She asked.

Amazing.She got this far.Most kids didn’t want to even talk to him.

“I’m dead,little one.I’m a ghost.This was my house.”

“Prove it!” She shrieked,pointing her finger at him.

“Prove it?” He asked.He forgot how demanding a kid could be.

“Yes.What if you’re some weird guy who is hiding in my room and you’re not a ghost?”

Interesting thought.

“Fair point.” He said.He placed his hand on the wall and there was only air.

The girl raised her hand,trying to touch him,but it went straight through.

The only time he was solid was when he killed Maisie.

“Okay,maybe you are a ghost.But why are you a scary clown?” She asked,nervous.

So he was scary now? He didn’t even try or want to be that way.

“Scary.That must be what you kids think of me now.”

“I wasn’t always scary.I was…funny.Yeah,that’s what I was.Funny.I…was performing as a clown in my life..I had a daughter.She was like you,little one.”

The girl looked up at him with eyes full of light and interest.

She wanted to hear his story..she wanted to hear him.

But just to be sure,he asked:

“Want me to continue?”

She nodded excitedly.

“I had a little girl once.But…”

“But what?”

How to say it? How to explain she had a sickness from his own infection? How could he explain it to her?

“She..she was very sick.”

“Sick? I’ve gotten sick before,but my parents were always there to help me.I’m sure it was no big deal.” She said,shrugging.

“No,not sick as in a small cold or a headache that only lasts a day,sick as in…deathly.The sickness was so bad,it could kill someone.”

“But she lived,right?”

He said nothing.The poor child was so innocent,she didn’t know about death.Not the full gravity of it.

“Right?” She asked,more worried.

“My child,I wish I could say yes.She’s in Heaven now.” He said.

In truth,Alexander didn’t know where she was.He just hoped that Mallory was in Heaven.He hoped that she was away from Maisie.

Just like how he hoped she wouldn’t be scared of him.

“What happened to you?” She asked.

“Hm..I..died in my carnival while performing.No one seemed to care after I died.It’s fine.I live here now.”

He always wanted to die in his carnival,it was such a beautiful and bright place.He would’ve liked to have his final moments there.

“Don’t be sad.It’s okay.” She said,trying to console him.

It was very cute of her to try and think that everything was okay and fine and dandy.

But he wouldn’t scare her with his tragedies.She deserved better.

“Thanks,kiddo.I hope you remember that when you’re sad,you can always talk to me.I’ll come right when you’re feeling down.”

He would calm her down,as long as she was okay.

“Same thing goes for you.We friends have to stick together,you know.” She said.

And he felt himself disappearing,but the good kind of disappearing,like he was finally set free,like he could finally feel joy.

Chapter Twelve-A Promise

????-Alexander’s circus-reuniting with Mallory.

Alexander woke up in his circus,except it was more rickety and worn.

He escaped! That little girl helped him escape!

Now,he had to go find Mallory-

“DADDY!”

He turned around and saw a little gaunt girl in pink pajamas smile at him.

She ran towards him and he opened his arms out for her.

When she was with him,she whispered:

“Do you promise to be together,with me?”

He kissed her forehead and replied:

“Yes,I promise.”

All was well and right now.

Mostly.

 A/N:Thoughts on the story? How do you think child Alexander would react to himself in the future?


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Sun Jul 24, 2022 1:59 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi vampricone6783,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

From the title, I thought we were moving a bit in the direction of something sarcastic or similar, so I was surprised to go in a completely different direction.

Let's start; what struck me positively was how we got more insight into Alexander's not so nice life. I found it a little highlight that you described him in a narratively good style by actively inserting it into the story.

Your relaxed pace gives the reader the opportunity to build up sympathy for Alexander and also for the moments when he is bullied by his classmates. I think this is definitely a good introduction and introduction of the character.

I found the middle part a bit fast. Especially when Maisie and Alexander died one after the other, I found the narration very fast compared to the beginning, which made it seem rather "insignificant" to me, although it is the trigger for the ending. On the positive side, however, I noticed that we saw more of Alexander here, where we could follow his thoughts. There was not so much of that when he was a child.

Other points I noticed while reading:

The day when kids think they’re all grown up.
When they think they’ve got everything figured out.
When they think they know what’s cool and isn’t.

I think the beginning is very well written, almost like a poem.

His bones were sticking out.


This part of the description was a bit strange to me and at first I thought you meant that his ribs were visible?

“Go up on that stage and sing.”
“Sing?”
“Yes.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“We want to see you sing.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes,now get on the stage!”

Since this dialogue is only about two characters, it is not directly important, but think it is helpful to insert who is speaking now and then, especially for slower readers.

Have fun writing!

Mailice






He is speaking to both friends in that dialogue.

When I say his bones are sticking out,I%u2019m saying he%u2019s gaunt.Sickly thin.

Thank you for reading!





I should also point out that Maisie used to beat him with a baseball bat,resulting in him forgetting certain things.When she turned twelve she switched to a broom because she was afraid people would stop her from doing it.Her parents encouraged this behavior.HIS parents,well..you know about them.

He completely forgets what she looks like until later on,when he%u2019s dead.That%u2019s when he puts two and two together.

When he finished a performance in adulthood,he would forget exactly what he did which is why his performances are never described.This also happened when he was a teen.He remembers that he performed.It%u2019s just that he forgets what he did during that time.

As a child he didn%u2019t spend a lot of time thinking.He did more of it as an adult.



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Thu Jun 02, 2022 12:33 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hiya! I saw this in the Greenroom, and I remembered your name from all the kind reviews you've left me. I figured it was about time I returned the favor!
In that regard, it does not prove very difficult to share the praise. I was fully invested from start to finish, and there was not a moment throughout this work where I could have predicted what would happen next. So many twist and turns in the stories will certainly keep things fresh -and in that sense, you certainly succeeded- but I shall also warn you that it is important to keep a direction in mind when writing your story. Too many sudden twists can also have the opposite of the intended effect. I.e., causing your readers to lose interest.
I would suggest starting your story towards your current middle section. For an example, you could start with Alexander finishing up a performance, bowing to the audience, before meeting with his wife and kid after. This is, of course, just an idea, but it would be an ample opportunity to exhibit each characters personality, and give clear and simple exposition. (Again, that classic and cliched rule, show don't tell)
The reason I recommend beginning later in the story is because little of the introduction plays into later story beats. Let me ask you this; what is your story about? As a reader, I'd sum it up as "Following the tragic death of his daughter, a mourning clown murders his wife" Well his backstory is important to Alex's character, you do not need to devote entire chapters, especially your introductory ones, to telling us about it. I'm not saying you need to cut it entirely, but toning it down/having your main character reflect on it might be a better solution.
One last thing. I felt that this story was really well written. There were several lines that genuinely gave me the chills. However, I do have a few small critiques in regard to your formatting. (I promise I'll make this quick)
The first thing I noticed upon reviewing this work was that you start a new paragraph every other sentence. I originally thought this was a poem, before I began to read. My personal rule (though I'm sure it may differ between writers) is to start a new paragraph whenever I start to cover a new idea or whenever a new character speaks. This is a pretty easy fix, as you have the sentences, you just need to string some of them together a tad bit.
These are just little nitpicks, but I would also avoid using bold letters and ALL CAPS in narrative writing. It's not something done in published works and can look a little unprofessional. If you want to highlight something beyond italicization, use the text itself to really emphasize a point.
One final tiny little nitpick, (and this is mostly me as a reader, so if you disagree feel free to disregard) but I generally dislike onomatopoeias. Instead of "SNAP" I usually prefer, "Something snapped." Again, that might just be me.
Finally, to answer the question you ask in your Authors Note, I think it would depend on which future you mean. I think Alexander would be overjoyed to discover himself happy with a wife and a career he loves. It would give him hope to know that though things were bad then, he would eventually overcome it. On the other hand, he would despair to know that it would all eventually slip from his grasp, and that he'd lose everything he held dear. I mean, how would you react if you found out you were forced to haunt your dead families house for all of eternity?
All that aside, I genuinely really enjoyed reading and reviewing this! Your story was beautifully tragic, and a perfect example of how actions have consequences. I hope to see more stuff from you in the future! Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day! :D






Thank you so much for your review! I%u2019ll take note of what you said.





I think the %u201COther father song%u201D from the Coraline movie would fit Alexander.What do you think?



Horisun says...


Honestly, if a song reminds you of your character, it matters very little what I think! But I did give it a listen, and it definitely does fit.





Ooh thanks!




If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming