There's certainly a heightened feeling of emotion and drama from this poem expressed by the shift in formatting in flow - at the beginning it is in a reminiscent mood about the relationship between the two and the speaker realizes what's going on and becomes wrathful with their hurt so the lyrics shift to all caps and single lines rather than couplets.
I think that part where you put "(once William agreed)" is a little distracting - little asides like that in poetry + lyrics although sometimes good for context, end up distracting from the flow and narrative a bit too much I think, so would remove that portion.
Though this piece is listed as lyrics, it seemed more poetic than lyrical to me I think based on the un-evenness of the lines and lack of rhyme / sound-devices - for lyrical pieces I think you would find benefit in adding a little more repetition, sound-devices, and evening out some of the lines so that a reader might imagine how the writing sounds melodically.
Hope that helps!
alliyah
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