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12+ Violence Mature Content

Ghost Girls

by vampricone6783


*This was the very first story I posted on YWS. After receiving helpful reviews, I have edited this story to become “Town of Richardson” which I prefer over this one. While I did edit it and add new characters (Gabriel Edwards being an example of a new character) I still kept the circus theme and the two Richardson girls, Leona and Amelia. I’m proud that I have come so far in my writing and that I will continue to do so.  You’ll notice that this story isn’t as “good” as my other stories (and bad punctuation), but still has a special place in my heart. My writing has changed, but this is still valuable to me. If you want to read “The town of Richardson”, you can find that in my “scary-ish stories” folder. I have a sequel for this too. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Chapter One-The arrival

Avita Charlotte was a normal thirteen old girl,who lived a normal thirteen year old life.

That is,until her mother got famous and became a praised author.

To celebrate,they moved to the place she always wanted to go.

"The town of Richardson!" Her mother squealed in delight.Her father was driving the car and her eight year old sister,Cassie,was playing video games on her tablet.

Avita rolled her eyes.

"Mom,do we HAVE to go to the town of Richardson? This place looks weird.." Avita complained.She didn't like the look of run-down carnivals and abandoned houses.Plus,there was no main street to shop in.

"Oh come on,Avita.If we just fix up this town,then maybe it'd look better.Try to live here and if you don't like it,then you can tell me." She said sweetly.

"Are you a scaredy-cat,Avita? I think you're a scaredy-cat! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT!" Cassie squealed with delight.Nothing made her happier than making fun of her sister.

"Oh yeah? Well,how do you like this?" Avita grabbed the tablet from Cassie's hands and threw it out her window.

"That's enough,girls." Their parents said,but they began to yell at each other

"THAT'S ENOUGH,GIRLS!" They repeated louder.The girls were silenced,but they glared at each other.

Finally,they stopped at a creepy and old manor.A woman dressed like she was attending a funeral waited for them.

"Are we living here?" Avita asked shakily.

"It's just a house,don't worry." Her father consoled.Avita was still shaken.

The four of them walked to the house.The woman greeted them and said:

"Welcome to the Richardson family manor.I'm Annabelle-Lee Richardson,your tour guide.Come,right this way." She gestured towards the manor.They followed her.

The house must have been beautiful once,but it was dusty and some furniture was broken and covered up.

"This town was named after the Richardsons.In 1993.." Annabelle-Lee went on to tell the history of the house,but Avita wasn't paying attention.She was gazing at the pictures hung on the wall.Two pictures caught her eye.They were identical pale,brunette little girls with brown eyes.One had shorter hair and dressed in casual attire,the other had longer hair and was more girly.

"Who are those girls?" Avita asked,pointing at the pictures.

"Why,they are Leona and Amelia Richardson.Do you want to hear about how they died? It's a real tragedy." Annabelle-Lee said.

"No thanks." said Avita and Cassie,but their parents insisted on it.

Chapter Two-The tragedy

"It all started back in 1993,the year Mr.Richardson started this town.A business rival of Mr.Richardson couldn't believe he started a whole town.The Richardson family was making a ton of money! He was jealous,insanely jealous.He wanted more money than him.So,he opened up a circus.It was doing extremely well,for even Mr.Richardson's daughters,Leona and Amelia went to the circus.But one night,The rival came to their house.He had discovered that he could turn people into..whatever creations he pleased.He tried to make Leona and Amelia..skeleton-vampire hybrids,so he could showcase them at his circus.But the family wouldn't allow it.So,he burned the whole place down.Mr. and Mrs.Richardson got out of it alive,but their daughters..they died here.Some say that if you can listen closely,you can still hear them scream.Well,just sign these papers and the house is yours!" Annabelle-Lee thrust out the papers cheerily,like she hadn't told a creepy ghost story.

Her parents signed them.

Annabelle-Lee left and said:"Enjoy the house!"

Avita didn't like this.Not one bit.

"What's wrong,sweetie?" She asked.

"It's just..I don't like this house.I think it's..haunted." She said worriedly.

"Calm down,Avita.It's just a story.Now,eat dinner with us." Her Mom said.

They sat and ate Dinner.Avita was feeling a little better,but she was still uneasy.

After Dinner,Avita walked upstairs to the bathroom.She turned on the sink,but for some reason,water didn't come out.But blood did.

"Avita...Avitaaaa...come and playyyy with ussssss." said the voices.

"Ummm...Mom? Dad? I think you should see this.." Avita said.She was extremely scared.

"AVITAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The voices screamed louder.

"Who's there?" She asked.

The voices stopped talking,but a violet light floated towards her.

Chapter Three-Ghost Girls

The violet light shifted and turned into..Two little girls.They looked..familiar.Yet,they had no faces...But she recognized them by their sillohouettes.One had long hair and a fashionable coat.Amelia.The other had shorter hair,a denim shirt and black cargo pants.Leona.

"Leona and Amelia..Richardson?" Avita asked.

They nodded their ghostly heads.

"Play with us,Avita.PLAYYY WITTHHH USSSSS!" They screamed.

"Sure,I'll play with you.What do I do?" She asked.

The girls frowned.Then they brightened and said:

"You must dieeee if you want to playyyy withhh usssss." The girls said.

"NO! NO! Not me!" She screamed.

"Thennn we willl killl Cassieeeee." The girls seethed.

"Not my sister!" Avita screamed.

"You have three daysss.After those three days,she diesssss."The girls said.

"NO!" She screamed,but they disappeared.

Chapter Four-Nightmare

"Avita,why are you screaming?" Her Mom asked worriedly.

"Leona and Amelia..they're going to kill Cassie! We have to go! Now!" She screamed.

But her Mom's face hardened and she said:

"Avita,that's enough.Go to bed."

"But Mommmm!" She wailed.

"I said go to bed." Her Mom repeated.

After brushing her teeth and taking a shower,Avita sadly crawled in bed.

She thought she would be too scared to fall asleep,but miraculously,she did.

The dream started out pretty normal.Avita and her family were unpacking their stuff for the new house and her Mom was getting bombarded by adoring fans of her writing.

Avita was bringing the boxes upstairs to her room,but she felt hot all of a sudden.

"Momm..it's terribly hot up here." She cried,but no one came.The heat continued.Suddenly,fire started billowing all around her.The place was burning down.

Avita could see Leona and Amelia laughing.They were disturbing,high pitched laughs.

Avita burned to death,hearing that unpleasant laughter.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Avita screamed.

She woke up in a cold sweat.

Chapter Five-A typical creepy circus

Avita couldn't go back to sleep after that.Suddenly,she heard strange tinkling music.

"I wonder where that music is coming from." Avita said to herself.She got her coat on and out on her boots.She was going to find out.

Avita stepped outside and into the cold,dark,rainy night.

She still heard the music playing.

She followed the sound.

The music led her to an abandoned circus called:

THE PLACE OF FUN!!!

"So,this is an abandoned circus,eh? Well,I'm going to explore it!" Avita said to herself.The circus echoed unpleasantly.It sounded like the very walls were mocking her.

Avita saw cracked mirrors in the Funhouse,broken down cages for animals and:

The Hall of Freaks.

Avita paled.This place must be old,because circuses didn't do that anymore.Avita didn't like going to circuses for two reasons:

One:The clowns.They were utterly creepy.

Two:The "hall of freaks." She didn't find seeing other people suffer amusing.People were people,no matter what!

Avita brushed her personal feelings aside and explored the place.

A green light floated towards her..

"Oh no..not another ghost!" Avita wailed.

Chapter Six-Yes,there is another ghost.Deal with it.

The green light materialized and formed..

A rather handsome looking thirteen year old boy.He had soft dark hair,sparkling green eyes..

He was also wearing a ringmaster suit.

Avita stiffened.

"Whoever you are,did you agree to doing..this?" She gestured towards the hall of freaks sign.He looked startled and said:

"I never saw that! Not until now...My father told me to never go farther than the animal cages..but I would never agree to this.Never.People are people.I'm William.William Ladouceur and you are?" He asked nervously.Avita swore that he blushed.

"I'm Avita Charlotte." She said

"Oh! What a wonderful name! I brought you here,but I didn't know that you had such a splendid name! Wow! I believe that your house is...haunted?" He asked.

"How did you know that?" She asked.

"I knew the girls when I was alive and I know them in death.They're going to kill your sister and possibly anyone in this town.I'm here to help you." William said.

"Why would you want to help me?" She asked.

"Uhhh...I just want to help you! Now,wait here!" He floated away.

Avita felt suspicious.This boy sounded like..like he had a crush on her! For many years,boys didn't like Avita and now,when little ghost girls were threatening to destroy everything around her,someone had a crush on her!

Avita giggled.

Chapter Seven-To stop a haunting

William came back with a small music box.

It was white decorated with small,pink roses.He opened it and it revealed a dainty ballerina in a white ballerina tutu.The music box played the same tune that Avita heard from her house.

"Why are you showing me this?" She asked.How was a music box going to save them?

"It belonged to Amelia.Leona was jealous because she thought Amelia was the favorite.They fought over it.They didn't want to share it.Just like they didn't want to share anything else.If we play this,it might drive them out for good." William said.He looked confident that it might work.

"Sure,I'll give it a try." She said.

They walked back to the mansion.

William began playing the box.

The violet light appeared again and the little girls looked blankly at them.Their faces brightened when they saw the box.

"It's mine!" Leona screamed.

"No,it's MINE! It was mine FIRST!" Amelia screeched.

The girls fought over the box,slowly fading away.

Then,they looked up.

"William? You're helping HER? Eww..were you trying to TRICK US? HOW DARE YOU! We will not just kill Cassie,we will kill everyone!" They screamed.Then they flew out of the manor.

"Oh No.." William trailed off.

"We just made them angry." said Avita.

Chapter Eight-Burn and burn

They ran outside.The girls were burning the whole town.Everyone ran away and scattered from different places.They thought it was a freak accident.But no,this was a paranormal occurrence.

"What do we do NOW?!" Avita asked hurriedly.

"We have to...drive them out." He said.

"BUT HOW?!" She screamed.

"Perform a show for them.They always loved the circus." He said,smiling.

Suddenly,out of nowhere,a ghostly circus appeared.There were animals,music,everything.

The girls stopped what they were doing.

They floated,watching the scene.

Suddenly,they disappeared,taking the destruction with them.

"Thank you so much for helping me,William.I couldn't have done this without you.William?"Avita turned to look at him,but he wasn't there.

Her family ran over to her.

Chapter Nine-Gone

"Who is William,Avita? Why are you out here,anyway? The whole town almost burned!" Her parents shrieked.They didn't understand.

Cassie was alive and well.Avita never felt happier to see her.

But she couldn't find William.

"William,where are you?!" She screamed.Nothing.

"William,are you..gone? Forever?" She asked shakily.

"I'm right here." He said.It sounded like he was talking from inside her.

"Are you..inside me?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, I am.When I performed that show for them,it was so powerful it almost sent me to heaven.But I wasn't ready to leave yet,so I had no other choice but to live in your body.I might possess you from time to time,but I'll never embarrass you." He said.

"I'm just glad you aren't gone." She replied,not getting worried over possibly getting possessed.

Chapter Ten-After the trouble

The Charlotte family was planning to move away from the Haunted House.The freaky "weather incident" unsettled them and they decided to move to Vermont instead.

Avita was packing up her things,thinking about all of the cool and freaky things that happened here.

"It's a shame you're a ghost.We could be best friends." Avita said in the mirror.She was talking to William.He still needed to adjust,being inside of Avita's body and all.

"We are best friends.But Avita,I have something to tell you-"

"You have a crush on me.I know.I..like you too.But you're dead and I'm alive." She said in the mirror.

William didn't say anything.Then he said:

"Well,it will take a while for me to get to ready to go to heaven,so I'm going to be here for a while. I hope you enjoy my company." He said.

"I will always enjoy your company.You're my Ghost Boy." Avita smiled.


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Sun May 28, 2023 9:34 pm
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Kaia wrote a review...



I don't honestly even know where to begin reviewing here. This was an AWESOME piece. You have a very cool imagination to be able to come up with all of this on your own. Rewriting it or editing it was totally worth it. This short story is amazing. It really sounds like something you'd hear around a campfire, only it's better written. (And congratulations on editing it and republishing it. You did a fabulous job here)

STYLE
I really like how simple and easy-to-read the style you chose to use here is. It really makes it sound more authentic, as the main character is a little kid. Using more complicated sentence structure and heavy detail just wouldn't be appropriate to mirroring the way a child looks at the situation. So, you did an awesome job choosing a writing style that reflects your main character. Good job!

CHARACTERS
Do you have younger siblings by any chance? I mean SERIOUSLY. Your writing here definitely reflects common knowledge about siblings--they fight, but they still love each other. Take for instance, this scene:

Avita rolled her eyes.

"Mom,do we HAVE to go to the town of Richardson? This place looks weird.." Avita complained.She didn't like the look of run-down carnivals and abandoned houses.Plus,there was no main street to shop in.

"Are you a scaredy-cat,Avita? I think you're a scaredy-cat! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT!" Cassie squealed with delight.Nothing made her happier than making fun of her sister.

"Oh yeah? Well,how do you like this?" Avita grabbed the tablet from Cassie's hands and threw it out her window.


Back in the day when I was younger, this is sounds like the kind of thing that would happen between me and my siblings. It's really realistically done. Especially the part where Cassie starts a whole chant to make fun of Avita (Which, by the way is an awesome name!) The line "Nothing made her happier than making fun of her sister" is so true! When you've got older siblings, you just want to make yourself look more mature and better than your older sibling. Makes you doubly cool, right? That's exactly how little kids think, and you got it down on paper just splendidly! Wow! And let's not forget the fight with the music box. Little siblings are constantly attacking each other for possesion over the "cooler" objects.

Let me also say, you wrote about a large number of characters here, but I didn't get confused between any of them because you introduced them in a very natural style and not all at once. Good job there, too!

PLOT
I loved it! This was my favorite part:

"I'm right here." He said.It sounded like he was talking from inside her.

"Are you..inside me?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, I am.When I performed that show for them,it was so powerful it almost sent me to heaven.But I wasn't ready to leave yet,so I had no other choice but to live in your body.I might possess you from time to time,but I'll never embarrass you." He said.


Wow! She's got her crush INSIDE her. That's really odd, but super thrilling. I mean, it almost sounds like she's got this imaginary friend, here, but it isn't stated whether all of this is real or not. Maybe it's her imagination that's coming up with all of this. Or it's real. Either way, she's got an awesome friend inside her, and now probably everyone around her thinks she's strange. I mean, just imagine what would happen if she makes another friend at school and tells her, "Hey, guess what? I'm gonna tell you my deepest secret. I've got a ghost boy inside me." Yeah, she'd probably look pretty weird. But that'd be awesome to experience that. Maybe not about the creepy ghost girls or anything, but still. That'd be awesome.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was long, but it didn't feel that way because of your simple style and ease at getting a reader hooked. Well done. Well done.

Have a great review day, and keep up the fantastic work!
-Kaia




vampricone6783 says...


Thank you! Glad you liked it!

You can read %u201CTown of Richardson%u201D which is an edited version of this. It%u2019s in my %u201CScary-ish stories%u201D folder and on my wall.

It%u2019s longer than this story.



Kaia says...


I've have to check it out. Thanks! :)



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Sun May 28, 2023 1:37 am
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Greetings!

I just finished reading "Ghost Girls: Chapter One - The Arrival," and it's once again a amazing ghost story that I found really interesting. The idea of a haunted house and two ghost girls haunting the protagonist, Avita, definitely grabbed my attention.

Avita's character was relatable in some ways. She had a normal life until her mother became a famous author, and she had to move to the town of Richardson. I could understand her initial skepticism and unease about the town, especially with its old carnival and abandoned houses.

"Are you a scaredy-cat,Avita? I think you're a scaredy-cat! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT! AVITA IS A SCAREDY-CAT!" Cassie squealed with delight.Nothing made her happier than making fun of her sister.

"Oh yeah? Well,how do you like this?" Avita grabbed the tablet from Cassie's hands and threw it out her window.

"That's enough,girls." Their parents said,but they began to yell at each other

"THAT'S ENOUGH,GIRLS!" They repeated louder.The girls were silenced,but they glared at each other.

Avita's relationship with her younger sister, Cassie, added a realistic dynamic to the story, with their arguments and teasing. I'm pretty sure that it is also relatable for many people. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be funny, but I happened to find it quite hilarious XD. And Avita actually threw the tablet out of the window? Okay, that seems less funnier, ha ha?

I must say that the introduction of Annabelle-Lee Richardson and the history of the Richardson family added a spooky element to the plot. The tragic story of Leona and Amelia Richardson, who died in the fire, was quite chilling.

"It all started back in 1993,the year Mr.Richardson started this town.A business rival of Mr.Richardson couldn't believe he started a whole town.The Richardson family was making a ton of money! He was jealous,insanely jealous.He wanted more money than him.So,he opened up a circus.It was doing extremely well,for even Mr.Richardson's daughters,Leona and Amelia went to the circus.But one night,The rival came to their house.He had discovered that he could turn people into..whatever creations he pleased.He tried to make Leona and Amelia..skeleton-vampire hybrids,so he could showcase them at his circus.But the family wouldn't allow it.So,he burned the whole place down.Mr. and Mrs.Richardson got out of it alive,but their daughters..they died here.Some say that if you can listen closely,you can still hear them scream.Well,just sign these papers and the house is yours!" Annabelle-Lee thrust out the papers cheerily,like she hadn't told a creepy ghost story.

I absolutely loved this part, because this is the creepy explanation which we all want to know. The circus added a whole other mysterious layer to the story and it seems quite fascinating. The fact that there is also a very scary rumor about it adds to the house its intrigue.

The description of the haunted house and the eerie encounters Avita had, like the sink turning into blood and the appearance of the ghost girls, created a sense of suspense and kept me engaged.

I found the addition of William Ladouceur, the ghost boy, intriguing. His appearance in the abandoned circus and his willingness to help Avita added an unexpected twist. The idea of using a music box belonging to Amelia as a way to drive the ghost girls away was a clever plot device. The climax of the story, with Avita and William putting on a circus show to distract the ghost girls and save the town, was really exciting.

However, there were a few aspects of the story that I found a bit confusing. Avita's sudden acceptance of William's presence in her body without much hesitation seemed a bit unrealistic. I think it would have been interesting to explore Avita's internal conflict and the consequences of having a ghost inhabiting her body in more depth. And I do feel that you could rewrite some of the scenes, and maybe improve the punctuation. But other than that it's absolutely incredible.

Overall, "Ghost Girls" was an enjoyable read. The story had a good balance of mystery, suspense, and supernatural elements. The characters, like all your other characters, were unique and interesting but also relatable and added to the overall charm of the story.

Keep on doing what you do!


Me,

Red Riddle Rose




vampricone6783 says...


Thank you for reading!




"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
— Pablo Neruda