Young Writers Society

Hello Once again, Ellie here to leave a review on these five very short stories! I love it! Let's get started:

Story 1

Tears slipped down Philippa’s eyes. Just the thought of it made her want to tear off her skin.

No, she wouldn’t cry. Philippa would listen to the sounds of the world.

Awe, this one had a sad but sweet ending. Poor Philippa. It seems like she is stuck in a hard situation, but is choosing not to listen to what others say or do to hurt her. I love your descriptive language in this one!

Story 2

Sophia felt herself being pulled to somewhere else…the clowns screamed…she couldn’t leave…Violet just wanted to leave the carnival…exist as a monster…feast on those unworthy…

The world spun into a dark spiral.

Wow, Sophia is being pulled somewhere else and hears a lot of clowns screaming. What do their screams sound like? Are they high pitched? Children? What does it looks like? I sure love all the internal thoughts from Sophia that we get in this. Feast on those unworthy... WHOA I wanna know more haha!

Story 3

“Sometimes I wish that I could just…ruin your life to save our circus. But then, that wouldn’t solve anything, would it?” Violet asked.

Philippa nodded sympathetically, soaking in every word of her story. Violet didn’t have a “family failed circus”, but Philippa believed her. As far as Philippa was concerned, Violet was a human, just like her.

Everything was going just how Violet wanted it to go.

Huh, is this the same Philippa from before? I like the details you add with her nodding, this shows us a lot about her character and how she is feeling. I really want to know more about Violet and where they are!

Story 4

Nova wished she hadn’t the truth. That Mom would have trusted at her.

At least she would help Nova.

Hmm, that sentence confuses me. "Nova wished she hadn't the truth" maybe you mean "told the truth"? It just feels like it's missing a word. But besides that, I love the dialogue between mother and Nova. I like how you bring witches into this one too! But why does she wish she had not told the truth?

Story 5

Oooh we are back to Philippa again! And now we have ghosts!

She felt it, deep within her, that Violet didn’t die. That Violet was something else. That Violet was somehow responsible for Philippa’s death.

And the worst part of it all?

There was nothing she could do about it.

Yessss!! What an ending! There was nothing she could do about it. I love this spookiness mixed with sadness. I want to know so much more. How did she die and what happened to violet and the circus??

Overall, very quick stories but I love short things like this so it was perfect for me and kept me very engaged. Keep writing, Vampricone!! So glad you are here on YWS!

Your friend,
Ellie

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: These are quite nice. As usual they are a bit small, but I'm always surprised with how much detail and emotion you manage to pack in even to the smallest of these and this is no different.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Philippa lay in bed, staring out the window, which was open a crack. She listened to the sound of tryhards on motorcycles and airplanes flying in the sky. They weren’t frequent, so the sight of the planes and the dull thrum of the motorcycle was peaceful. Cool air flowed into her room.

Jennifer made her feel safe, but even when she was alone in her room, she felt less like a six foot tall clown freak and more like a girl.

It was so rare, though. Almost nonexistent.

Tears slipped down Philippa’s eyes. Just the thought of it made her want to tear off her skin.

No, she wouldn’t cry. Philippa would listen to the sounds of the world.

That's quite the little snippet there. A look into a little bit of distress there, an quite severe one at that as we also look out upon some kind of show. A pretty powerful little scene that one. Definitely leaves you thinking there.

Sophia felt herself being pulled to somewhere else…the clowns screamed…she couldn’t leave…Violet just wanted to leave the carnival…exist as a monster…feast on those unworthy…

The world spun into a dark spiral.

Well that one's a little on the extra short side in terms of what its trying to say but hmm looking at the title and then reading through it you do in fact get a bit of sense of what's happening. I think you manage to tell us a surprising amount through so very little there.

“Sometimes I wish that I could just…ruin your life to save our circus. But then, that wouldn’t solve anything, would it?” Violet asked.

Philippa nodded sympathetically, soaking in every word of her story. Violet didn’t have a “family failed circus”, but Philippa believed her. As far as Philippa was concerned, Violet was a human, just like her.

Everything was going just how Violet wanted it to go.

Ooooh that's a spicy one. It starts off looking like we're seeing two people having a nice agreement that validates both of their feelings, but it looks like one of them's trying to just trick the other there if that last line is anything to be judging by there. Definitely a bit of a chilling tale that.

Nova walked downstairs. Mom was watching TV, curled up on the couch.

“So when were you going to tell me?” Nova asked when she made it downstairs.

“What?”

“That I’m a witch. I found out for myself.”

Mom sighed and said:

“I’m sorry I kept it from you. I just didn’t think that you’d handle it, you were already so frightened of clowns. I didn’t want you to be afraid of anything else.”

“This is who I am. You really thought that I’d be afraid of myself?”

Oooh that's not a confrontation you see too often in one of these, but definitely an interesting one, especially to try and identify the exact reason this mother actually went ahead and produced a lie like that in the first place.

“I don’t know…I was just worried about you…I wanted to protect you…”

“Well, I’m fine now. I know now. It would be nice if you’d help me, since you’re a witch…right?”

“Yes, yes I am. I’ll help you.” Mom said with a soft smile.

Nova wished she hadn’t the truth. That Mom would have trusted at her.

At least she would help Nova.

Hmm for all the betrayal surrounding that in terms of that beginning we have ourselves a surprisingly wholesome little ending where they both seem somewhat happy that at least their witches together and the mom is going to be able to help out Nova there. Definitely a bit of a twist that one.

Philippa sat in the corner of her room. The house was overwhelmingly silent. But that was to be expected. Only her ghost lingered.

She felt it, deep within her, that Violet didn’t die. That Violet was something else. That Violet was somehow responsible for Philippa’s death.

And the worst part of it all?

There was nothing she could do about it.

Oooooh well that appears to be the aftermath of that earlier story where the trust there led to Violet doing some betraying and it seems it went as far as to just properly end in death there. That's definitely quite an extreme outcome there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a nice little collection, I especially that this time a couple of them were linked to each other. I think it ends up creating a bit of a better flow when they are all put together in this manner.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate