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Young Writers Society

12+ Violence Mature Content

Family always finds each other

by vampricone6783

*This is fanfiction of the Creepypasta “Laughing Jack”, from the Creepypasta fandom. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb. This comes after my stories “What’s going on? Where am I?” and “A Christmas Eve tragedy”.  Canonically, he is a demon clown entity. In these stories, he is a little boy reincarnated as a demon clown. If you want to check out other Creepypasta stories, you may look underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. This will be the last part of the story. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!*

Harriet Madison sat in her rocking chair, a withered old woman, wearing a violet shawl over a deep red dress. Eugene was chopping up a Christmas tree. She told him not to do it, but he insisted on going. He said that he would do it until the end of his time.

It was Christmas Eve. Years ago, their son, Jack Madison, died of yellow fever. He was only seven, the poor child. Years ago, Harriet made a deal with the devil. He promised to give Jack a new life, one where he would never get sick.

She wondered where he was. If he was happy with his new life. Did Lucifer make him an angel? A being of light? That would make sense. Angels couldn’t be harmed.

Neither could demons.

Harriet shook off the thought. There was no way Lucifer would do that. He may have been the devil, but he was reasonable.

In the middle of the room, a black smoke cloud formed. Harriet stared at, intrigued. She hadn’t seen much in her life since Jack’s death.

It stopped and became a monochromatic black and white clown, head almost touching the ceiling, shaggy black hair almost covering his pale eyes.

“Jack?” Harriet asked. He didn’t look anything like her son, but she felt that it was him, deep in her veins.

“Yes, Mom. It’s me, Jack.” He said. His throat sounded scratchy, like he cried for hours and got a demonic hoarse quality to his voice.

“I remembered everything when I was left to rot in a box. I was made into a Jack-in-the-box for a child named Isaac. He played with me until he left. I started to get strange dreams. I started to see you.”

Jack’s eyes filled with tears, tears that were gooey, gray, glittery liquid.

“Why didn’t you let me die? Those thirteen years trapped in a box were the most miserable years of my life. When Isaac came back, he was…different. He started to…to kill people…and I liked it! I still like it! It’s better than having to think about the box…it’s so dark…so cold…”

“I’m different. I’m a monster. I’m Laughing Jack. That’s my new name now. Laughing Jack.” Jack said.

“No, you’re my son and you’ll always be my son.” Harriet said earnestly.

He walked up to Harriet and held her in his arms. The expression on his face was a mixture of sorrow, regret, and insanity. He didn’t know who to be anymore.

“I love you, Mom. I love you even though you made me this way. You didn’t mean it. I know that you didn’t.”

“I…I never meant for this. I just thought that you deserved to live.” Harriet said. It hurt her to see him in pain, to see him so broken.

“Mom, I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill Dad too. I don’t want you to be suffering anymore. I don’t want Dad to suffer either.”

Kill her? Kill her? But he would never kill any living thing, not even a bug!

With a slash of his claw, he sliced the back of her head. Harriet could feel the blood spewing from her brain, but could still see her child.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you.” Jack said.

“I…love…you…too…” Harriet said through bleeding gasps.

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8 Reviews

Points: 533
Reviews: 8

Sat Dec 23, 2023 2:44 am
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catapparently wrote a review...

Hi, Cat here!

Heads up: I have no idea what Creepypasta is. But then again, I'm here to enjoy the work and to review it, not to understand and know all the backstories and the context.

I thoroughly enjoyed the way you write your dialogue, I can practically hear the voices and the tones of voice in my head as I read. I also really like the vocabulary used. It's perfect; not too complex to be too much but not too simple and basic. It makes the work easier to read. I often find that when the vocabulary is too advanced and the context of the sentence doesn't allow me to understand what the word means, it ruins the 'mood' and I have to take a break to go and check a dictionary.

Areas of improvement:

"Said" comes up too often. I would recommend finding other words to use, Pinterest shows pins with a bunch of alternatives for "said"! This would also allow you to add more description to the way a piece of dialogue was said.

Another thing I noticed was that the first two paragraphs feel a little choppy. Consider adding transition words! They're life changers.

A last thing that stood out to me was the repetition of "years ago" in P2.

That's all! :) I hope my review was helpful to you.

There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable