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12+ Violence Mature Content

Ethan-Clowns,Magic,Murder and Lies

by vampricone6783

*There are Gacha Club designs on my wall.This story is from the perspective of Felicity’s husband,Ethan.

There was once a man named Ethan Lopez.Ethan had a lovely wife named Felicity and two twin daughters named Angelita and Maybelline who were fourteen years old.

Ethan should have been able,like Felicity,to continue living his happy,boring life.

But like his dear wife Felicity,such was not the case.

It was at this one night,when he and his wife were going out on a date and leaving the girls behind with a babysitter (Felicity's insistence) that would change everything.


The two finally arrived at their destination,a top-notch restaurant everyone was talking about,one which they wanted to go to,but never had the time or money for.

Until now,that is.

Ethan and Felicity ran to wait in the frighteningly long line,willing to do anything to spend some time together.

Sometime later,a teenage girl with blond hair and violet eyes started asking people if they could help her find her parents and everyone turned her down,telling her to "go away" or "get lost,this is a restaurant line."

Ethan and Felicity,feeling pity for the girl,offered to give up their night of indulgences and help her find her parents.

The girl smiled,relieved and started speaking frantically to them.


She was walking,leading them somewhere,uttering nothing but gibberish.

"Excuse me but could you calm down and tell us what you're doing? Don't you want us to help you find your parents? Why are you leading us..."

Ethan stopped talking.Somehow,they had ended up in an abandoned carnival.


"You fell right into my trap." A raspy voice said behind them.

They turned around....

Behind them was a purple-haired,pink dress wearing...

"Clown?!" Ethan asked,confused.

The clown rushed towards them and then...darkness.


Ethan finally woke up in a circus tent,lying next to a green-haired,pigtailed clown.

"Hey,you kinda look like my wife,but as a clown." Ethan said.

"That's because I am Felicity Lopez!" She yelled angrily.

"Huh?" Ethan asked,furrowing his brows.

Her face softened.

She stood up,facing him.

"I'm sorry for getting angry at you,Ethan.You didn't know.Let me explain what Violet told me:That clown? From earlier? That's Violet,that's her name.Violet has to kill humans like us to maintain a human form.That's what she did to us.She killed us.Now she has a human form,which is the same form as the girl who lead us here.I suspect that the girl was Violet in her human form.Anyway,we're clowns forever.We also can't ever leave the carnival,we're stuck here forever.Apparently some rare transformation happened where we were bloody demon humans...I don't care about that.The point is,we can't ever see our children,family or friends again." Felicity said.

"Who...told you all of this?" Ethan asked.

"Violet! The clown!" Felicity said.


"Because-it's not like we can do anything with the information! She feels comfortable telling us because we'll be stuck here anyway! How are you not following?!" Felicity screamed.

Ethan said nothing.

"I'm-I'm sorry.I shouldn't yell at you like that,it's just..I'm scared and frustrated.Scared of what will happen to us,to the kids and frustrated by this ridiculous situation." Felicity said,sitting next to him.

Ethan put his arm around her and she sunk into his body.

He had faith that they'd find a way out of the carnival.



"I want you to know that even though we're stuck here,for what may seem like an eternity,we have each other.We have each other to keep company.We'll also find a way out.Remember that."

But Felicity seemed to only focus on one detail as she drifted off to sleep..


"Stuck here forever,but we have each other.." Felicity said.

Ethan could feel his wife becoming...stiff and wooden.

He wasn't cuddling a clown anymore.

He was cuddling a puppet of some sort.

As quick as it happened,she turned back into a clown.

"Huh.It appears Felicity can turn into a doll as well as a clown.Interesting."

With that,Ethan welcomed sleep.

Is this a review?



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457 Reviews

Points: 23466
Reviews: 457

Wed Jun 08, 2022 2:48 pm
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Liminality wrote a review...

Hi there Vampricone! I’m here with a review based on the Story review template!

First impressions

This short leaves me feeling curious about what will happen to the main characters. It also feels a bit odd that it ends on such a cliffhanger (we don’t know based on just this work if they will get out alive) but I guess this is part of a wider collection of stories, so that might not be such a problem in the end. I thought it was heartwarming, how Ethan comforted Felicity about their situation. Even though the situation is really something out-of-this-world, I thought Felicity’s fear and how it was expressed helped to ground it and make her more sympathetic.


I like that the events of the story start quickly, just a few lines into the work. Quick starts help grab the reader’s attention. Another thing I liked about the plot was the twists that happened towards the end. I hadn’t expected the two main characters to already have been killed while Ethan was passed out, so that was quite a scary discovery. The final twist about Felicity also being able to turn into a puppet was unexpected as well. I wonder if that means she is different from Ethan somehow.


Although I liked the conversation between them, I thought the characterisation of Ethan and Felicity at the beginning of the story was a bit confusing. At first, it seemed like Ethan was the main character, since most of the information we know is about him (e.g. has a boring but happy life, is married, has kids . . . these all apply to Felicity to, but the sentence they are shown in is talking about Ethan). But then later, only Felicity is awake when Violet reveals her whole plan, which seems to me like the main event of the story. It also felt a bit odd that we only start learning what Felicity is like after the clown has killed both of them.

At times, I couldn’t really understand why they were doing or saying what they were. For example:

Ethan finally woke up in a circus tent,lying next to a green-haired,pigtailed clown.
"Hey,you kinda look like my wife,but as a clown." Ethan said.

This part made me chuckle, even though I feel it wasn’t supposed to, because the two characters have just been kidnapped. It just seems odd that the first thing Ethan says after waking up in a strange place isn’t ‘where am I?’ or ‘Felicity, where are you?’, but that he instead he tells the only person in the room with him that she looks like his wife.

"Huh.It appears Felicity can turn into a doll as well as a clown.Interesting."

I don’t know if this is just Ethan’s personality, but he seems to underreact to a lot of situations he’s in. I feel like if I’d just found out my wife and I were turned into clowns, I’d be a lot more freaked out. Then I’d probably try to warn her if I saw she was turning into a wooden puppet as well. So Ethan’s course of action and train of thought just doesn’t feel very believable to me here.

Unusual Concepts

Now for something I think you can be proud of as a writer! I think you did a great job in coming up with an unusual premise / starting situation for the story. The idea of clowns being a whole different species from humans is something that never occurred to me. It sparks so many questions. Are there no humans working in a carnival then? What do the clowns do in society? Violet seems to be wreaking havoc here, but are all clowns like that?

Overall, this is an interesting short story that’s quite a wild ride to read! I like that the characters are placed in an unusual situation and that they react in different ways. I also like the idea of there being supernatural creatures that rely on transformation to get around – disguise is always an interesting concept for thrillers and horrors.

Hope some of this is helpful and feel free to ask for more feedback!

vampricone6783 says...


Thank you for your review!

Yes you were supposed to laugh.Ethan does undereacct.I%u2019m not very serious sometimes and would like to add some kind of humor.

Glad you liked it.

vampricone6783 says...

Felicity is a lot more panicked than him in her story.

Ethan is just..Ethan.

Liminality says...

Ah, I see! That's all good then :D I guess I was confused whether I should read that scene as being funny since Felicity seemed quite upset, but I guess two characters can be on very different wavelengths.

User avatar
353 Reviews

Points: 56
Reviews: 353

Tue May 10, 2022 10:20 am
Fishr wrote a review...

Hi there!

So, one element I noticed straight off was you didn’t use the space bar for your commas. That is a grammatical error.

Second, reading this story was jarring, if not, boring. Every paragraph, the narration telling the reader what’s happening but the trick to a try captivating story, and watching the character flourish, is showing us what’s going on. Characterization is key, and it is exhausting, and the writer might even find themselves losing sleep because those developed people refuse to shut up and let there writer sleep. Lol! This is a good thing, a grand thing. It means your characters are taking the reins and leading their writer. They are slowly becoming fledged out.

If you would be interested in a few examples of ‘showing’ and not ‘telling,’ please ask.

Hope this review was helpful.

vampricone6783 says...

Yeah thanks for the review.

And I think I might help with the whole character thing.I%u2019m trying to make it as interesting as possible.But apparently it%u2019s not working.

So what I can do to %u201Cshow%u201D and not %u201Ctell%u201D?

Fishr says...


https://www.masterclass.com/articles/ho ... ion#quiz-0

https://self-publishingschool.com/show- ... l-writing/

Here are some helpful websites that I have used for editing and inspiration.

Do not fret. We all struggle with the concept. It%u2019s actually difficult and not as easy as it sounds. I hope these links will help.

vampricone6783 says...

Thank you.I feel a little better now.

I just get nervous because I think that if I don%u2019t explain things to a reader it won%u2019t be good.What if they don%u2019t know what they%u2019re reading?

Also, I want to get a story moving.I don%u2019t want the entire story to be just descriptions and dialogue.I want it to make sense.

But thanks.I%u2019ll get to it.

Fishr says...

Actually, I am a character writer. I rely almost solely on dialogue and narration, more so, dialogue. I use description when it is necessary. My style is exclusively invoking emotion. Of course this tactic is extremely difficult. More than a decade later, I think I might have achieved this tactic but it took a lot failures and accepting hardcore critiques. As I have told Snoink, %u201CTare it a part.%u201D

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot