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Eloise’s parents-Their story

by vampricone6783


*So,these are the parents of a character in my story:”Eloise.” Eloise is from:”Eloise-the demented doll woman.” These parents aren’t actually in the story,but I’d thought it would be fun to see things in their perspective.This is the same for Leona’s parents.You can look at more pictures of them in Gacha Club on my wall.

Once upon a time, there were two wealthy people named Camilla and Nathaniel Blake who had five daughters:Lyra, Emily, Eloise, Ariana, and Sarah.

They had high expectations for their children and if they weren’t met..well, then they weren’t their kids.

Not only were they wealthy, they were also a family of witches. So..they were invincible.

That is, until they died of old age.

Camilla and Nathaniel, up in Heaven (Don’t ask how they got there) thought their kids would be just fine. In fact, they thought they’d be just like them.

They had no idea how messed up and emotionally scarred their daughters became...

Characters in Gacha Club:

Camilla Blake (as an angel):

Nathaniel Blake (as an angel):

They both died of old age,in their sleep.Somehow,don’t ask how,they made it to Heaven.


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137 Reviews

Points: 21503
Reviews: 137

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Thu Dec 02, 2021 8:39 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hey there, hope you're having a great (insert time of day), here to drop a quick review :D

Ooh the characters are extremely lovely, gacha really brought them to life ^^
However I felt like this story? didn't really expand enough on this extremely interesting idea you're taking your story in.
Showing Eloise's life from the perspective of her father and mother is interesting, maybe we could've learned what emotionally scarred Eloise, what made her the way she is now.

What I mean is that, showing her story from her parents' perspective is basically a way of showing Eloise's backstory to the reader.

But you kinda brushed across that great idea, and instead of a backstory, you wrote a kind of summary about their lives.
If I had to write an essay about either of the parents, i wouldn't be able to, because you didn't give any insight on about them, and it's quite a shame.

The way they died could be something terrific to explore: maybe their deaths caused Eloise to snap, or maybeeeee.. Eloise killed them!- quite a missed opportunity there.

Overall, i felt the story was underdeveloped. Interesting idea, just needed a bit more work :)


However, this is honestly just my opinion, you do you with your characters and story, this was just how i felt reading this :)




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4346 Reviews

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Reviews: 4346

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Thu Nov 25, 2021 10:42 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Once upon a time,there were two wealthy people named Camilla and Nathaniel Blake who had five daughters:Lyra,Emily,Eloise,Ariana and Sarah.

They had high expectations for their children and if they weren’t met..well,then they weren’t their kids.

Not only were they wealthy,they were also a family of witches.So..they were invincible.

That is,until they died of old age.

Camilla and Nathaniel,up in Heaven (don’t ask how they got there) thought their kids would be just fine.In fact,they thought they’d be just like them.

They had no idea how messed up and emotionally scarred their daughters became..


Okkayy...so I'm back for yet another one of these. Aaand this one..somehow is shorter than the previous one was. I didn't think that would be possible, but I suppose when you take things from the perspective of people who by the looks of it died well before the events of the story even started to happen, that's not exactly surprising.

This one though, I feel like you could expand on a bit more. We get to see what the parents were like roughly and the family and a warning for how this treatment as a powerful set of witches ended up causing all sorts of mayhem, but we don't really see too much on the part of what led the parents to do all of this. You simply mention their wealth and what they imagined for their daughters after their death...but there's not much about what those earlier wishes were or what led them to have those wishes. I feel like those are things that would be important to this backstory and they've been somewhat glossed over.

Soo...overall, this one feels like its a bit short on information. Its not bad, its just not got all that much happening.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





If you have a Kuzco in your life and they don't turn into a llama, bail.
— Alan SeaWright