Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

I think this was quite nicely done here, bringing to light everything Elijah did. Its an interesting picture of how he never fully sees any horrors he does maybe up until the last moment and of course how despite his arguments against it he is very much doing terrible things here.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Elijah Mortem held up the bottle with a shaking hand. All his life, he wanted to create inventions that would change the world. The art of inventing fascinated him, even though his Mom and Dad discouraged the idea.

As a child, Elijah believed that if one dreamed hard enough, then anything was achievable. If one had put enough heart into their dream, then anything would happen.

But then there was the woman in the soft chair who was sucked right in, her screams still ringing in Elijah’s ears.

Well looks like quite the opening there. A young boy with a wonderful dream and quite an amazing attitude there on top of it towards actually admitting itt and what looks like a horrifying little tale.

And there was the little boy who ate the meal that was supposed to make him strong, but instead poisoned him.

Elijah sighed. The bottle of “Instant Intelligence” would work. His new invention would work. It had to work, after everything that happened.

There was Grace…Grace, his wife, who tried the meal…who looked at him with fearful eyes before the foam bubbled out of her mouth…then she died.

Elijah swallowed hard. He promised her and their son, Christopher, that he was going to give them things that would better their lives, build things only seen in dreams.

Well looks like no matter his attitude the inventions that he tended to come up with were not so successful and he keeps trying it out on very precious people on top of that too and losing them.

But he failed Grace, just like he failed the woman and the boy. She wasn’t around to watch Christopher grow, to share in the family moments.

If she hadn’t died, then maybe Elijah would be famous. Maybe they’d all have a life without a single worry, money without a single care. The house the Mortems lived in was given to Elijah by his Grandpa, and it was too big for the three of them, so Elijah made it an all-boy school and a place where he could invent, because he thought that he could do more than one good thing.

But more importantly, if Grace were alive, then Christopher would still love him. Christopher wouldn’t have grown distrustful, and he wouldn’t have looked at Elijah with such accusatory eyes.

Well looks like losing the mother definitely ended up doing nothing good for the household which is very much a true thing when it comes to situations such as this one.

There wasn’t time to worry on the past. Grace was dead, Christopher was a twenty-six year old man. No longer a little boy, but a man. Elijah knew that Christopher was trying to leave their house, he heard it in Christopher’s on-the-edge-of-breaking voice.

But there wasn’t enough money for Christopher to leave. Not yet.

However, there was still time for Elijah to make things right.

Well looks like this is going to come down to a bit of a climactic moment although I wonder if this is going to be a saving grace or just something that just ends up dooming it further.

“Behold: Instant Intelligence! One sip of this and you’ll get all of the intelligence in the world!” Elijah exclaimed, gesturing towards the bottle he mixed many liquids in the other night.

He was standing in front of one of his classes, the boys watching in awe. The teacher, Ms. Alaine, stood in the corner. Though the students were boys, he hired both men and women to be teachers, it was all the same to him.

Christopher was strapped to the repurposed soft chair. Repurposed, because when Elijah tore off the soft fabrics it was left with iron gears, much like bones. The iron gears and gadgets bonded Christopher to the chair, preventing him from running away.

Well looks like this is going to be more of a torturous one than something consensual but then given what we've seen of just far Elijah ended up falling at that point, it does not surprise me all that much.

Elijah made him the poison food, but only with a pinch of the poison.

His failed inventions gave him some kind of purpose, at least.

Elijah walked up to Christopher, who had his lips firmly closed, looking up at him with defiant eyes.

No worries. Elijah was going to help him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the mouth-separator, useful for people who couldn’t use hands to eat.

Well this is turning into a bit of a murder from the looks of it, things really starting to pan out in various terrible ways there. Elijah's toolkit is certainly capable of much torture.

But Elijah brought the object up to Christopher’s mouth, forcing it to open. He was using it for a different purpose than intended, a better purpose.

Without a second to waste, Elijah corked open the bottle with one finger and poured it all in Christopher’s mouth, poured it all down like champagne.

He watched as Christopher was forced to swallow it down, forced to drink it all. After much of it was gone, Elijah took the mouth tool out and waited.

There was nothing. Christopher didn’t say anything, the silence hung heavy in the air.

Well looks like Elijah fully goes through with it there, now to see what effects its going to have. It looks like it will end up just being some straight up murder there but we'll find out soon.

Then, his chocolate brown eyes began to lighten to a lemon yellow, his pupils growing into long slits, his fingers contorting into claws.

What’s going on with him? What is this? Elijah thought, heart beating with the same anxiety that was growing in him when Grace died.

At least he’s bonded in the ch-

With a loud, penetrating crack, Christopher broke the bonds in the chair.

The children screamed, Ms. Alaine rushed to the door, Elijah fell to the ground.

Well looks like we've gone an accidentally created a horrifying monster there from the looks of things. That's turning out to be quite the creature there oh dear. I don't think this will end well for Elijah.

For looking down at him was a yellow-eyed, clawed, pale monster with black, feathery wings that flapped in fury.

Elijah heard the click of the door open, listened as Ms. Alaine and the boys ran out for freedom.

He wanted to run, but his legs were heavy. He wanted to turn away, but his eyes stayed fixated on Christopher’s ruin, on his son’s brokenness.

With each step that Christopher took closer to him, Elijah knew that he was close to his very last breath.

Welp looks like Christopher isn't holding back in the slightest there and Elijah knows very well too what's about to become of him. Given all the horrible things that went down, it is quite fitting.

“You treated me as though I had no thoughts, as though I was nothing more than a being to be fed…well, look at me now. I’m nothing but a being that wants to eat.” Christopher seethed in a raspy, echoing, out-of-touch tone.

He grinned at Elijah without love, without humor, before closing the distance between them, pinning Elijah to the ground, bringing him to the very end. Elijah didn’t even have time to think or scream, for he felt the flesh on his face being torn apart by Christopher’s jagged, starving teeth.

At least he would be able to join Grace…

Well that ended about as well as one would expect that to given how Elijah treated Christopher and well I suppose there's something of a bittersweet note right at the very end in that Elijah can meet Grace again although I doubt Grace will want to meet him.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think you've done an amazing job showcasing this horrifying tale but showing at the same time where Elijah was coming from doing all of these terrible things.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate