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12+ Violence Mature Content

Eddie’s origin story

by vampricone6783


*This character isn’t important to “Eloise-the demented doll woman” either,but I thought it would be fun to see things from his perspective.

In the 1960s, there was a little six year old boy named Eddie, who was taken by his Mom to go to a boring boutique. He didn't know what it was called, for he couldn't even read.

But he hated the boutique and he wanted to show the black-haired lady, the owner of the store, how much he did.

He'd put his snot on her clothes. She'd see him do it and she'd tell his Mom, but he always acted like he never did anything and Eddie got the satisfaction of seeing the black-haired lady get yelled at.

That wouldn't last for long.

One day, when he was carelessly running around in the boutique, he accidentally bumped into the black-haired lady.

Then, the black-haired lady did something most horrible. She clamped a hand over his mouth and carried him away to a dark room.

Eddie couldn't see anything in the dark room. That little problem was fixed, because she turned on the lights. They were dim, but enough for him to see.

And he wished it were dark again.

The room had a long table, some fabrics and a sewing machine. It also had big scissors and other sharp tools he didn't want to go near.

The black-haired lady put him on the table and began nailing him to it. He could feel the sharp nails bleed into his skin, their points digging at his bones.

Why, why couldn’t the pain stop?

"Mommy!  Help!  The lady has got me!"

"She can't hear you, Eddie. These walls are soundproof.”

As if that wasn't pain enough, she taped his mouth shut, so he couldn't talk at all.

Then, she gave off the creepiest smile he had ever seen in his life. She held the giant scissors in her hand.

What was she going to do with those?!

"Now, this won't hurt a bit."  She said, placing them on the table.



Good. He didn't want to feel any more pain after what she did with him now. He also didn’t want those scissors anywhere near him..

"Who am I kidding?  This is going to be the worst pain you've ever felt in your life!

With that, the scary black-haired lady picked up the scissors, again. Probably to do something horrible to him.

He didn’t want to think about it..


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Thu Dec 30, 2021 11:18 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the 1960s,there was a little six year old boy named Eddie,who was taken by his Mom to go to a boring boutique.He didn't know what it was called,he couldn't read.

But he hated the boutique and he wanted to show the black-haired lady,the owner of the store,how much he did.

He'd put his snot on her clothes.She's see him do it and she'd tell his Mom,but he always acted like he never did anything and Eddie got the satisfaction of seeing the black-haired lady get yelled at.

That wouldn't last for long.


Oh I can just already see where this one is headed here right from this one. I'm going to make a little guess and say this is the boy who ends up getting murdered in the story and well, it seems like this is someone who really took out their anger at having to go to the boutique on Eloise here, which no doubt enraged her and didn't exactly give her a high opinion on children. Its an interesting look at perhaps the catalyst behind Eloise's initial actions.

One day,when he was running carelessly around in the boutique,he accidentally bumped into the black-haired lady.

Then,the black-haired lady did something most horrible.She clamped a hand over his mouth and carried him away to a dark room.

Eddie couldn't see anything in the dark room,but that wouldn't last for long,because she turned on the lights.They were dim,but enough for him to see.

And he wished it were dark again.

The room had a long table,some fabrics and a sewing machine.It also had big scissors and other sharp tools he didn't want to go near.

The black-haired lady put him on the table and began nailing him to it!

"Mommy! Help! The lady has got me!"


Well I'm almost a little bit torn here. On one hand, this is an innocent child who by the sound of just the initial description is about to find themselves rather thoroughly tortured and killed, which is horrible...but also he technically did bring this whole situation upon himself with his behavior earlier.

"She can't hear you,Eddie.These walls are soundproof!"

As if that wasn't pain enough,she taped his mouth shut,so he couldn't talk at all.

Then,she gave off the creepiest smile he had ever seen in his life.She held the giant scissors in her hand.

What was she going to do with those?!

"Now,this won't hurt a bit." She said,placing them on the table.Good.He didn't want to feel pain after what she did with him now.He also didn’t want those scissors anywhere near him..

"Who am I kidding?! This is going to be the worst pain you've ever felt!"

With that,the scary black-haired lady picked up the scissors,again.Probably to do something horrible to him.He didn’t want to think about it..


Hmm, well I see you didn't continue that one too much further which is probably a good idea because it was certainly going to dip towards some horrifying territory there and change the rating of this to a much higher one. As it is, we have an even more chilling ending because we only have Eloise statement about how horrible things will be for the poor boy. Well...I think that's a good choice of ending there at any rate and overall, you've done a pretty decent job with this particular story. Its an interesting look at something that might have guided Eloise's horrible actions and I think it tells an interesting extra perspective.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed Dec 29, 2021 10:54 pm
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josierae98 wrote a review...



Hey vampricone!

This was a chilling, but fun little read. I don't have much to critique, there are many places that are missing a space but I'm sure another reread and you'd catch those.

Other than that just a few spots have some little corrections to be made. I accented them below. :)

He'd put his snot on her clothes.***She's see him do it*** and she'd tell his Mom,but he always acted like he never did anything and Eddie got the satisfaction of seeing the black-haired lady get yelled at.

One day,when he was ***running carelessly running*** around in the boutique,he accidentally bumped into the black-haired lady.


With that,the scary black-haired lady grabbed scissors... The only thing with this last part is in a previous line she had already been holding scissors, so this seemed off, when did she put down the scissors?! :)


Overall I really enjoyed this read, Ive seen several of your pieces now and enjoying them all a lot. Keep up the great work, and have a Happy New Year!!!

josierae




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks for the review! I%u2019ll go edit it.




You must believe in free will; there is no choice.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer