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Crybaby and the clown-There’s nobody home (Chapter Eight)

by vampricone6783


*This is a Creepypasta and Melanie Martinez crossover fanfic. The Creepypasta in this fanfic is Laughing Jack, a demon clown who was created by Snuffbomb. Melanie Martinez is a singer and these chapters are based on songs from her album titled “Crybaby” and on her persona in the story, who is “Crybaby”.  This chapter is based off the Melanie Martinez song “Mrs. Potato Head”. This is all a fanfic, so what happens is not canon. You can find Gacha Club character designs on my wall and the rest of the chapters are in my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. I hope that you enjoy reading this!*



Crybaby walked into her house, opening the door carefully so as not to disturb anyone.

It had been a long walk, but she had made it home.

“Laughing Jack? Hello? Is anybody here?” Crybaby asked.

No one responded. Her brother must have been at school, and Mom must have been out to get a drink.

But where was Laughing Jack? Wasn’t he supposed to be home?

“Hello?” Crybaby asked, walking down the hall.

She stopped in the living room, to where the TV was blaring. It appeared that he was watching TV while she was gone.

On the screen, a black and white commercial played, showing three girls with blond wigs. All were smiling, all were blond. All were beautiful.

But that wasn’t the only commercial. There was a pill to be taken to keep a female a certain way.

Crybaby stood still, enthralled by the TV. If she were gorgeous and poised, like the girls and women on TV, would people like her more?

The commercials had ended and turned into a movie of a woman who would do anything for her husband. Even get plastic surgery.

Crybaby walked up to the TV. Perhaps she could learn a thing or two about keeping people in her life.


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Mon Jun 17, 2024 8:17 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


First Impression

Well I haven't gotten to the earlier parts of this but I saw this has been languishing in the green room for some time and thought I'd give it a look. It looks like we've jumped in at quite a crucial time here with Laughing Jack missing and Crybaby enthralled by what looks like a scam.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Crybaby walked into her house, opening the door carefully so as not to disturb anyone.

It had been a long walk, but she had made it home.

“Laughing Jack? Hello? Is anybody here?” Crybaby asked.

No one responded. Her brother must have been at school, and Mom must have been out to get a drink.

But where was Laughing Jack? Wasn’t he supposed to be home?


Well this is a start and a half to proceedings here. Looks like we're in the middle of where that tension really starts to build with Crybaby coming home to see Laughing Jack even though it appear that he was very much supposed to be home. Lovely start there already.

“Hello?” Crybaby asked, walking down the hall.

She stopped in the living room, to where the TV was blaring. It appeared that he was watching TV while she was gone.

On the screen, a black and white commercial played, showing three girls with blond wigs. All were smiling, all were blond. All were beautiful.

But that wasn’t the only commercial. There was a pill to be taken to keep a female a certain way.


Well this is interesting. The TV being on suggests Laughing Jack was in fact here but was taken away by something. That's definitely a very concerning situation to be in at the moment. Very much something to think about in terms of how and why Laughing Jack is gone. The program is very interesting advertising what looks like one of those take this and look pretty products that Crybaby I feel could be someone to fall for.

Crybaby stood still, enthralled by the TV. If she were gorgeous and poised, like the girls and women on TV, would people like her more?

The commercials had ended and turned into a movie of a woman who would do anything for her husband. Even get plastic surgery.

Crybaby walked up to the TV. Perhaps she could learn a thing or two about keeping people in her life.


Well looks like the real threat in this moment isn't even that Laughing Jack is missing, but the fact that this TV looks like its in the process of tricking Crybaby here into doing something a little rash in the interesting of keeping more people in her life.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a very tense little scene, starting out really strong with Laughing Jack missing and then leading into the true problem at heart there with this scam or given the world we're in maybe even a dangerous trap of some sort.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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Sat Mar 02, 2024 9:09 pm
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LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hello, vampricone!
This review is brought to you by review team Potato!

Get ready... Get set...
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Keep Your Eyes Peeled - My Interpretation

This chapter contained a lot of things that made Crybaby think. She comes home and looks for her brother, mother, and LJ, but the house is eerily empty. As she watches the TV, she begins to question people’s perception of her and how she would be viewed differently if she was similar to the “perfect” women on TV. It also makes the reader think about how people act and the standards that women face to stay pretty and likable.

It's The Tot That Counts - Some Advice

I think you could describe the mood of the chapter a little more here. The house is completely empty and the black and white TV is playing in the background. That is a spooky and horror movie-like mood to me, and I think you can develop it more so that the reader can feel how quiet and lonely the house is, and how that relates to how Crybaby feels.

That's Absolutely Mashing - My Favorites

I’ve got to say, this is probably my favorite chapter in this series. The problem that Crybaby thinks about in this chapter is very real, and probably relatable for most people. It’s interesting how you incorporated this into the story based off the song too. It tells us a lot about Crybaby and that she has insecurities about these kinds of things.

Time Fries When You're Having Fun - Final Words

I actually really enjoyed reading this chapter, I think it was really thoughtful and well written, even though it was so short. Also I realized that this review template is perfect for this chapter because it’s about Mrs. Potato Head. :wink:

Chip, chip, hooray!! Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!

I'll see you tater! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




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Mon Jan 29, 2024 1:11 am
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RazzleDazzle says...



That last line is haunting! Ouch. This is a really unique spin on 'Mrs Potato Head' and I really like it!
'




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks. :>




Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away.
— Carl Sandburg