z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Anne alone

by vampricone6783


*This is about my OC. It would help if you read “The origin of Vampricone6783” and “Vampricone6783 does not like to be bothered…” before you read this. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Anne stared at the circus tent.

It’s cloth was torn. It’s white stripes were yellow.

But it was her home.

Her home for now, at least.

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224 Reviews

Points: 32152
Reviews: 224

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Thu Sep 21, 2023 11:23 pm
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AmayaStatham wrote a review...



Salutations, curious mind!



Image

Rinisha is back here and ready to review 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a bumpy ride. I’m going to keep it short alright!✨

All in all

This party rocked, let's take a quick look!

I didn’t know you did poetry. Gosh, this was a nice one! I love your title, lovely choice. It gives away eerie vibes, but it also makes readers curious. The fact that you wrote an origin story of your username is a fun concept, great thinking. I would love to read more poetry by you, if that’s your wish.

You could work on:✒️

To be honest, I was kind of sad that your poem was this short. I would suggest you maybe expand it with using more hints instead of saying how things really are. And then at the end you reveal what actually is happening.

Anne stared at the circus tent.
It’s cloth was torn. It’s white stripes were yellow.

A world, where her secrets lay
Both eerie and dark ones

It was her wonderland
Where her dreams came true.

After being banished
For being different

Anna’s heart tore to shreds
As she slowly walked out.

Now,This was her home.
Her home for now, at least.


Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha – Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉




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659 Reviews

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Reviews: 659

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 11:59 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hi vampricone!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I haven't read the previous parts so I am basing this completely on this single piece. I apologize beforehand if I get something wrong!

This reads more like a poem to me than a prose, especially with the way you have structured your sentences - they convey an almost somber poetic effect which lasts even after reading the poem. The "its cloth was torn, its white stripes were yellow" suggests the passage of time and implies that even though it was not perfect, it still held a special place in her heart. I liked how you claimed that it was her home, and then clarified by adding 'at least for now.' Somehow that adds an even more somber vibe as it makes us wonder why she lacks the stability of her home and why she is going to lose it in some time.

I am not sure if I interpreted this correctly! But I like how it runs along your usual themes with the setting of a circus!

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day/night!




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105 Reviews

Points: 33
Reviews: 105

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:55 pm
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fatherfig wrote a review...



Hello Vampricone! It's gem here leaving you yet another review Haha!

This piece says a lot without dialogue! And usually, at least with the works of yours I have read in the past, you are pretty reliant on dialogue, so I think this was a very interesting and good experiment for you! This piece was relatively short however and felt much more like a prologue to a larger story part. It definitely has me curious for what is to come in the future! This was very interesting the character seems almost nomadic with their plans of moving homes, perhaps the character instead wants to fix up the home? I'm very curious XD!

Keep writing!

This is gem signing off!

gem- he/him~





The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain