z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Alessandra and Jayden-The car crash

by vampricone6783


*I wouldn’t call this an origin story,because these characters aren’t important and it’s only showing their perspective in the car crash.But I’d thought I’d post it.Yes,this does connect to “Eloise-the demented doll woman.” As always,you can look at Gacha Club character designs on my wall.

In the year 1985, a man and a woman named Alessandra and Jayden were driving from a date together, to their teenage son, Lycidas.

But they were driving at night and they couldn't see the car in front of them, because it had no headlights.

And then, suddenly…

A sickening bang and crash. It was bleeding into their ears and the next thing they knew, darkness. 

Just darkness.



Overwhelming, abysmal darkness…

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
701 Reviews

Points: 49988
Reviews: 701

Donate
Wed Jan 12, 2022 2:33 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This, without doubt is the shortest story ever that I am going to review(if that can actually be written). Okay I think that this was honestly not the most required one but ah, will not hurt. Reading a 5 line story is fun :)

The fact that you have put it as an origin story makes me wonder a bit about the car accident. I mean was it a normal car accident or was there any specific evil reason behind it? That headlight one kind of confused me. There were in total two cars. Which car exactly didn't have headlights? Their car or the car moving in front of them? I don't know and I don't kinda care. If you see it logically, the headlight of one car is enough to make the other car feel it's presence. So, that's a point to be seen.

Well, it's quite pathetic that they actually died when they were driving to Lycidas. That probably made him more sad. One another thing that is just striking me(I am not at all sure about it) but how forcefully did they hit the car? Very, that it immediately led to their death? Perhaps. I wonder what they are gonna do after hearing that their son too is dead.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever






Well%u2026You%u2019re right,it doesn%u2019t have a purpose.I just put it here.It%u2019s irrelevant.

But Lycidas%u2019s story is important to the story.Also,Lycidas isn%u2019t dead,he%u2019s a vampire.

But Alessandra and Jayden are dead.

Thanks for reading.





Thanks for the clarifications!

Oh I didn't know that he wasn't dead. I thought he died. Thank you very much for clarifying that he wasn't dead.





You%u2019re welcome!



User avatar
4102 Reviews

Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102

Donate
Mon Jan 10, 2022 11:24 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In the year 1985,a man and a woman named Alessandra and Jayden were driving from a date together,to their teenage son,Lycidas.

But they were driving at night and they couldn't see the car in front of them, because it had no headlights.

BANG!

CRASH!

BOOM!

Darkness...


Well I've reviewed some super short origin stories from you before, but I believe this one manages to take the cake for the shortest piece of them all here. There is essentially only two sentences here and while the idea this is trying to convey here is pretty clear on first glance, I have to wonder what purpose this story really serves here. All we know if who the two people are, where they are going and why, what caused this crash to be a thing and then just what I assume is a few words implying these two crashed and burned quite severely and potentially ended up very dead.

Besides that I don't know exactly what it tries to provide, maybe its perhaps because I haven't read this main story, maybe this car crash is more of a mystery there and we don't know the reasoning of anything or it looks like something else, but otherwise this just seems like a super quick and rather random scene of a car crash with people we don't really have any sort of time to form a bond with or anything, so while its an interesting scene, that's about all it manages to be, there's not really a story here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






I wrote this because I thought it would be fun to see it from their perspective.But this story doesn%u2019t serve a purpose.Neither does Eddie%u2019s,Enisa%u2019s,Leona%u2019s parents,Eloise%u2019s parents or any sister besides Eloise.

But thanks for reading!



KateHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D




You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling