Young Writers Society

Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!

This story was really adorable! I love the idea of two clown friends just honking each others noses. The conversation felt very natural and like something that could actually be said in real life. Nova being so innocent and curious also adds to the adorable-ness factor.

I would suggest adding a little bit more background, though. Where are the characters when this is taking place? When is it taking place? I kind of liked to imagine that the two are goofing off at work (their work being a circus), but it would be better if there was a concrete answer.

Again, I thought this was a really cute story! I hope you’re having a good day/night!

—GengarIsBestBoy

Hey there! This is such a sweet short story!

Positive elements:

-The dialogue between Nova and Philippa is well written and captures a certain playfulness in the characters.
-The description of Nova's childlike fascination is sweet and charming and adds to the overall lighthearted tone of your short story.
-The sudden shift in Philippa's reaction from embarrassment to annoyance to playfulness is a nice touch and adds depth to her character, even in such a short piece.

What could be improved:

- Your story could benefit from a bit more context or setting. I know this is a short story using characters from your other works, but as it stands, it's a bit unclear where and when the events are taking place. This does somewhat detracts from the reader's ability to fully immerse themselves in the story.
- While the dialogue is well written, there could be a bit more action or movement described to break up the blocks of text. There isn't much action or description to bring this piece together more.
-A more concrete ending or resolution to the story would also be a nice addition, like a message the reader could take from reading it. It feels a bit like the story ends a little abruptly.

This story was quite lighthearted and fun to read! It was enjoyable to read the small banter of two clowns over honking each other's noses. The concept is quite humorous and you executed it quite well! Conversation flows well between the characters and its easy to know whos talking even without any clarification. The only thing I can point out is the layout of the story. I'm not sure whether this has an intentional look to it or it just happened to turn out this way. But some of the sentences can be put together instead of being seperated by page breaks. The quotes by characters should stay isolated to fully understand their are speaking, but when it goes too a characters thoughts or narration, they can be put together to create more of a short paragraph rather than one sentence, then two, then one again. Other than that, it is a great valentines story, well done!