Published July 15, 2011
the wind sept cold over my shoulder
the air was soft
but it kept getting colder
i left my sole once to die
quiet
and in the woods i lie
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,299 Literary Works • 672,099 Reviews
I liked your poem! It was short and sweet and simple, which made it kind of creepy. Keep writing, I would love to read more from you
Thnx for the advice mistakes were my suckish computers fault but I like it the way it is and no one can change it I hoped u liked it and I will post more soon
Hey!
I like the simplicity of this poem.
A few things though:
In your poem, "i" needs to be capitalized. It always should be.
I think you meant "swept" instead. And maybe, and this is just a suggestion, you could take away the word cold in the first line of that stanza? If you say it's getting colder, we understand that it's cold already and will continue to get cold. The first cold isn't necessary.
What? It is probably just me...cause I can be slow sometimes (and now is one of my momnets maybe)...but this doesn't really fit.
For one, I think you meant to say "soul."
For two, you say you left it once to die, quiet and in the woods you lie. How does that fit together? The first two lines match, but the last one does not.
Again, just a suggestion. It can't appeal to everyone in every way.
This was a good poem, really.
-Brie
Hi. I like the formatting and simplicity of this poem, as well as the rhyming, In the first phrase if the first stanza, I think you meant "swept" and in the first phrase of the second, I think you meant "soul". Also, while I'm usually fine with bending rules of grammar for poetry, I don't really see the omitting of capitalization for 'I' to be of particular significance, so you might want to fix that. The originality of this is great. I don't know, it just seems like this sort of poem is so common but this piece is different from the rest. Thanks for sharing.