It was dark. Being trapped inside a school with your best friend doesnt give you the best feeling of comfort. At least he was there with me. It didnt seem so bad i mean because it gave us a chance to talk. But then a light at the end of the hall turned on. I thought that we were the only ones in here? I was curious. I walked down the hallway but a hand grabbed my mouth and another one grabbed my hand. I forced myself to look up. I knew her. I knew her face. But i couldnt remember who it was. My mind was clouded with thoughts but none of who she was. I couldnt keep my mind off of Shane. He was sitting on that bench at the end of the hall waiting for me to return. What if this was it? What if i will never see him again? If i die he'll never know how i feel about him. As soon as i could focus again another figure came into sight. But i couldnt see the face. Then she let go of me and went after the figure. But she was to slow. The figure hit her with a hammer. She fell to the floor. I knew she was knocked out temperarally. But then it came after me. The figure came closer and closer. It was Shane. He had saved me. I looked at him, we had the same thought who was the person who grabbed me. I walked over to her and I suddenly knew who it was. My L.A. teacher Mrs. Herr. She was lying on the floor with a huge bloody gash on her head. I wanted to stay there and look at her but Shane grabbed my hand. He pulled me away, down a flight of steps and to our homeroom. He picked the lock quickly and opend the teachers cabnet where we had found a hidden door a few months ago. We climbed into the secret room. Yet it was still dark. I could feel Shane breathing on me. He pulled me close to him and told me to listen.
"Rachel" he said "This may be the last time we get to see each other forever. So you need to know how i feel about you." I knew he couldnt see the smile that had peaked on my face. "Rachel I....I..." he stumbled over his words for what seemed like forever. "Rachel I love you." My heart neerly stopped.
"I've been trying to tell you for years but I never got the courage to say it. Shane I love" Before i could finish my sentance his lips touched mine. It was long and sweet i never wanted to stop. But we herd her. Mrs. Herr was coming down the hall.
"You cant hide forever" she said.
I knew she was right. Shane kissed me one more time. Then whispered "I love you" because we both knew she was right.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Woah major tingly suspense!!! Hey Vamp! I will be reviewing your story now.

Firstly I absolutely loved the suspense with the right amount of romance. And also this was so interesting. It kept me on my toes the entire time I was reading this. And I think this piece was a pretty decen one seeing that you do not write much or something( it has to be that or you are not posting your writings anymore.)
Now secondly, this requires a major touch up. You see this story feels like as if it started halfway and then stopped halfway. The ending would have been alright if you posted a second chapter. But the starting was also not bad but if you start this way then it requires you to give some descriptive and introductory details which of course is up to you. The thing is that this story is vague no matter how mysterious it sounds. Also, everything is fine here other than the length and lack of much desired details. You see we need more details regarding were they of the same grade? Then how did Shane look..his expressions? Etc etc. Eithout killing the suspense you could have put up much details.
Third and lastly, this story was a nice one. I hope to see more of your works so keep writing and updating them. You have the talent to do this and you need to practice so that you are able to sharpen yoir talent.
Hope to read more very soon! Keep writing and always keep up the good job!