Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a good follow up to that first part. I think you've done a pretty good job here. There's a couple of parts I do have to question a little bit but overall pretty solid.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Carlos dashed under the massive oak tree. His glossy hair was forced backwards by the violence of the gentle wind. I ran eagerly after him as fast as I could, but I tripped over my own feet. An exposed rock pierced my already bruised knee, drawing a sheer amount of blood. I felt hot tears start to fall from my eyes. I tried to be quiet. All I could do was sit there and stare at the maroon blood covering my knee. Carlos turned around. “Lucas, are you okay?” he yelled, rushing toward me.
“Yeah,” I said, putting my hand over my knee. “I fell when I was chasing after you.”
Well that's quite the start. Definitely a powerful little moment to draw us in there. I think it works very well n terms of pulling us into the scene quite quickly, although I do have one small thing to point out and that's the fact that violence being used to describe a gentle wind seems a bit contradictory because those two words tend to mean the opposite there.
Carlos pulled off his shirt. “Here,” He crouched down and wrapped the shirt around my knee. “This should stop the bleeding.”
At that moment, I noticed a healing scar on his arm. It was one of those scars that only a kitchen knife could give you. The only logical thing I could think of was self-harm. But we’re only thirteen. “What’s that on your arm?” I asked, staring at him.
“If I tell you, promise not to tell. Okay?” He said, rubbing the scar.
Oooh that's a really cool way to let us know how old everyone here happens to be. I think that works very well. Also love that we are following up on that scar from the previous chapter. Now we can see exactly how that's going to end up coming to a conclusion.
“I promise.”
“My uncle, Gabriel, tried to kill me a few weeks ago.”
“Wait what?”
“He was really mad at dad, and he just ran at me then-” He paused. “He sliced open my arm. It's no biggie though.”
Carlos stood up and gave me his hand. I pulled myself up slightly limping. “I gotta get home,” I said, looking at Carlos.
Hmmm. This is quite the revelation there. Its definitely a massive and powerful moment in the story here that really makes us think quite a lot but I do have to say the reaction to something this powerful is quite lacking her in both characters. Is this meant to be so common to these characters that they hardly react because if not there really needs to be something more.
“Will your mom mind if I come over?” Carlos looked at me with his green eyes blazing. That’s when I knew I loved him.
“I think it’s alright.”
He said that he didn't just tell me that his uncle was a homicidal maniac. H-O-M-I-C-I-D-A-L.
Hmmm...well this is something here. We can at least see that being somewhat acknowledged. I still think its not nearly as powerful as it ought to be but I think this is a good place to end here. Its a very shocking note, and I think that last couple of lines especially do this quite well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think its a solid follow up here, just needs a second look at a couple of things. These two characters are proving to be quite interesting so far. I'm looking forward to seeing where this will go.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
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