Published August 11, 2011
**thanks to all who commented on my spelling and grammar issues. I've hopefully fixed them all!**
"Come to me now"
Her heart's whispers blow through the misty coldness.
Quickly and quietly her eyes grow darker.
The emotions are mixed with lust, hate, passion, and sadness.
She waits for him to come to her.
She waits, never leaving her place in the dark.
Forever and eternity is coming now.
Her beautiful eyes still the same.
Her looks never change, yet there is someone new she waits for now.
The first passed on leagues ago, now it's started a fresh.
Her eyes become redder.
The emotions are mixed with lust, hate, passion, and thirst.
Her skin is like porcelain, white as snow.
Cursed with this never fading beauty.
Cursed with being invincible and utterly powerful.
Cursed with rock solid skin like diamonds.
She is waiting for someone.
Will he ever come?
Someone is coming, someone new.
Her emotions are mixed with lust, hate, passion, and anger.
He is passing by without knowing.
She leaps and her waiting is over.
The lust is fading.
Her hate is growing.
The passion intensifies.
The sadness is gone.
The anger is softening.
And the thirst: quenched.
His blood is her world.
Now it is as if nothing happened.
She sweeps back to her spot.
Forever cursed.
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138,305 Literary Works • 672,101 Reviews
Hey Boo here! Just some corrections!
C in come should be uppercase. I noticed you didn't uppercase anything in your poem so I won't point them all out.You can't begin sentences with a lowercase letter. Just a point there. Anyway I liked it.
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
I love this! the only mistake i found is "afresh." it should have been a fresh other than that i absoloutly loved it! exceptional work. There are so many talented poets on this sight and i will tell you that you are one of them you have a deep talent in poetry, i'm a poet i'm just not awesome and i beleive that you are an awesome poet this poem is epic thumbs up!
So first off there are a lot of typos that should be fixed.
Utterly needs a second t.
I'm sure you know what is wrong here
once again, i'm certain you can fix this
Second, some of the sentence lack punctuation that will help make them flow nicely.
I would add a comma after "She waits"
Add a comma after different. I recommend completely rewording this sentence however because it feels choppy and strange, maybe try "Her looks never change, yet...."
I would say "Her emotions are a mix of lust...." and so on.
I really liked this part.
I think saying "he is coming" is a little redundant, maybe leave it out.
I think it should be her instead of he.
Take out the had, it makes it too wordy and is unnecessary.
Finally, i think you should play with capitilazation a little. Nothing here is capitalized, which some writers prefer, but it tends to look nicer if you capitalize.
Besides that, everything was great. I like the idea you have for this poem, especially since the end takes a kind of weird, creepy twist. Definitely caught me off guard.
it's a good piece but can be confusing in parts...
Amazing! Beautiful work!
Its a typo but no big deal. He not her.
I love it! Keep writing!
--Taylor