We’ve been apart so long that
my heart has forgotten what home used to feel like,
What childhood used to feel like,
What innocence used to feel like.
.
We loved, long, long ago,
Not with our actions or our promises,
but with our life, our laughs,
Our lack of agony.
.
Somewhere along the way,
Both our souls were tainted so far
that we were forced to stray from the
Familiar path.
.
Home no longer seems familiar to me now,
It no longer seems innocent or unmarred,
It no longer seems to accommodate me.
It no longer feels like it was always meant to be mine.
.
My childhood room, where we laid together once,
long, long ago,
When the whole world was at our unblemished fingertips,
Has become such a distant memory.
.
Now that both our rooms belong to other people,
Now that love is only physical, rarely felt,
Now that the familiar path has unfamiliar people,
No longer do those pure memories truly feel like ours.
.
All along the path
we were just two idiots in love,
Neither one of us smart enough to hurt the other.
Not until the world made up for our lost pain.
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hi there! This is loveissourgrapes sending a review/comment for your poem. I remember reviewing this but maybe it was just a dream. I love reading and reviewing poems that have the same topic as this so maybe it's just similar to the other poems I have reviewed already. Anyways, to the review! loading..
You can't feel the deep emotions in here. The narrator misses the feeling of their childhood, their home, and the old times when they were innocent. The first line, "we've been apart so long that" tells that the narrator is missing somebody, probably a lover because the genre is romance.
This is my favorite verse because childhood love is something way different from the love life of someone who is old enough to understand deeper things about love. You can see to children just falling in love, so innocent and lovely yet clueless.
This verse tells us that the narrator and their lover thought they would stay together forever. But with few knowledge, they went into a different path and realized forever isn't real in first love in childhood.
The metaphor of the love being "home" is great. The narrator no longer remembers and the memories of the person they fell in love with in their childhood is no longer familiar to them. The narrator realizes that, that person they loved before, was meant to be theirs. This tells us that the narrator grew up to realize what love is really like. Not how they expected as a kid who fell in love innocently.
The room, the home, the memories are all distant already because you have grown to forget and change. That was in the past and now you are learning to let go of it.
This tells growth and that love between the narrator and an old lover was not meant for them. Those memories are distant and it feels like a story that never happened to the both characters mentioned.
This is good for an ending. You can see that both the lovers grew up and their story is done, it ended painfully but now that pain is faded. The world helped them to grow up out of that love. Sounds painful but it's true.
Over all, I don't see any errors. The story and messaged told was great too. Keep it up and keep on writing! Have a great day/night!
Thank you so much for the kind and detailed review, I'm glad you liked it!
you're welcome!
This is such a beautiful poem! The transition from an innocent childhood to a rough adulthood is so well written, and the comparison between the two is fascinating. This poem is really heartfelt and feels like it holds a lot of experience. Also, the back-and-forth switch between viewpoints makes this poem really immersive. Keep writing!
Thank you so much!
this poem is fabulous. the raw emotions display beautifully here. the word choice is deep and emotional. the words are relatable. love it.
Thank you so much, it was my first time experimenting with this topic and I'm glad you liked it
Hello, this is Kelisot for a review!
I will say that you are writing some deep topics there, fellow friend. The first few lines stand out to me:
In my interpretation, I viewed this as the "sweet love" that lovers experience the first few moments they know each other. I can somewhat relate to these emotions as someone who has loved others before!
But if you consider the first few lines to represent the innocence of love, the latter half seems to be the "dark sides" or the representation of something... more carnal. Using phrases such as "unblemished fingers" or "tainted" hinted at words something like that to me to some degree, although it could just be my tired misinterpreting a few things, hehe.
Despite all this, I enjoyed reading your poetry! Continue the good work and the writing!
~Kelisot
Now that was nostalgic. You really were able to capture the feeling you have when you look back at how it was and how it has turned out now. The usage of words was crisp and easy for our minds and hearts to grasp. For me, the repetition of the phrase “now that” at the climax of the poem really won my heart.
It is well written poem, which appeals to our hearts.
Happy writing!
Thank you for the kind words and letting me know what worked best! I'm happy you enjoyed it