idea

Hey!

Alright so I like this better than the previous chapter. The only thing I thought was confusing was how you had said that Sam was gay in the first chapter, but I just figured that you were starting anew.

And now for the little corrections, the corrections are in bold:

As I walked out of my last class, i turned to get a sip of water. Suddenly, a hand grabbed me and yanked me inside of the boys boy’s bathroom. I screeched, but no one could hear me. I heard the door lock, but i could see nothing. The lights were off but i felt about four people around me.

"After your little speech in front of the eight eighth and seventh grade classes yesterday, i was touched...not!"

I knew the voice like the back of my head (hand?). Sam. I broke down crying. "Let me go, let me go!" i cried at the top of my lungs.

"I don't think so," i heard Alex chuckle.

I ran over to the door.

"Get the door!"

I tried to fight my way past the two monstrous boys i did not know.

"Nice try , bitch"

"please!" i cried more. "please!"

I felt Sam's warm, hard hands drag me by the neck. The bottom of my back hit against the sink. I gasped for air and tried to pull his hand off my neck. I reached for my cell phone in my pocket and yanked it out. The light barely lit up the bathroom, but i could tell they were wearing ski masks. Someone yanked (since you used yanked in the previous sentence, I suggest you use a different verb) the phone from my hands and i heard it smash into pieces on the ground. I heard a toilet flushing and was sure that it was over. I cried more and my tears ran down my cheek bone. They fell off my jaw and touched Sam's hand.

"stop crying you stupid bitch!" Sam slapped me across the face. "I told you i loved you and then you brake break up with me in front of everyone! That was an extremely stupid move. Now, my friend Wyatt will deal with you."

I heard loud footsteps come up and a quick, sharp noise. Sam stepped away, but a sharp blade was pressed against my neck. I cried more and the blade moved from my neck. i dropped my chin, but i felt the blade slash through the skin on my arm. Big, thick hands held my neck and i was pushed against the sink more. Wyatt slashed my yellow jeans on each of my ankles and then my skin.

"Okay guys, lets go now," I heard Alex say. I felt two more slashes and then i heard the door unlock and four boys hurry out the door.

The light was still of off and i sank down on the ground. I cried more and tried to crawl to the door. I reached for the handle, but it was too high. I got on my knees as the blood rushed out of my jeans and opened the door. I crawled over to Mrs. Wright's room and knocked on the door. I saw her come to the door and look down at me.

"Rosalie, what happened to you?!" She pulled out her desk chair and lifted me on the comfortable blue chair.

"Sam...Alex...bathroom."

She went to the black phone on the wall and called the office. Immediately, I thought of Amelia and Christopher. the room began to spin and i blacked out. The next thing i knew was that i was in the hospital. The light blinded my eyes and i closed them.

"Mom?"

"Ms. Anderson, your daughter is awake."

I heard my mother mother’s high heels clank against the linoleum floors and her warm hand against mine. "Good morning sweetie."

I smiled. "where Where am I?"

"Baby, your you’re in the hospital."

I looked at my legs. they burned and i could see bandage wrapped around them. "what What time is it?"

She looked at the clock above. "About four thirty."

"oh my god! I didn't pick up Amelia or Christopher!" I said as i shot up on the hospital bed. My arm stung and i looked down. Not another cut!

"It's okay. I had Amelia's friend's mother pick them up." My mother smoothed my hair and i rested my head again. "honey, Honey what happened?" I opened my mouth, but a nurse walked into the room. "it's It’s okay, you can tell me in the car.

The arm with the gash on it felt numb. I looked at my arm and rolled up the sleeve. A skin colored band - aid was placed there. I lifted it and saw a small red dot. "what What is this" I asked the nurse.

"Oh its it’s a tetanus shot just in case what ever cut you was infected."

I made a weird face and pressed the band - aid back down.

"Miss Anderson, all I need of you is to sign some papers for me and you can take Rosalie home."

My mom followed the nurse out of the room and down the hall somewhere. I lay back down and tried to remember what had happened. I saw a man in a dark coat and pants outside the door as he flashed a badge at the nurse. He walked over to my hospital bed.

"Rosalie? I'm Detective Johnson. I want to know who did this to you and where i can find them. I am here to help you and your mother."

"I did this. I was upset." Put words to indicate her lying, like I quickly lied, and put her reasons, ‘I was scared OR I didn’t want to get Sam and Alex in trouble’

"By the looks of the cuts, you didn't do this. Your teacher also told us you said 'Sam, Alex, Bathroom."

I looked at my purple finger nails. "There were four guys. I know two and "met" a third. he He gave me the cuts and Sam and the other kid did this." I pointed to the marks around the front of my neck. "A kid, Wyatt , was big and bulky and so was another kid, but the lights were off and when i tried to record it, (weird reason for taking out her phone, when I read it I thought she was going to call 911 or something, if you want to keep this I suggest you mention it earlier, when the action is actually happening) someone took my phone and smashed it and flushed it down the toilet."

"You said that the lights were off, how did you know that they were big and bulky?"

"I tried to run for the door, but their big arms stopped me. I don't think they're in the elementary school." I heard my mother's heels flopping down the hall. "That's my mom and the nurse coming."
Detective Johnson turned to the door.

"Who are you? Get away from my daughter."

He flashed his badge and my mother gave me a look. "Detective Johnson. I just wanted to know what had happened. I was called in from the police station when they were called to the school. So far, I've gotten pretty good information from your daughter, but i would like to see you both in my office tomorrow at eleven thirty." He handed her his card as a nurse helped me out of the bed.

Two guards helped me to the car.

"So... do i have to go to school tomorrow?"

"Of course not!"

I looked out the car window and closed my eyes. I remembered the moment that could change my life forever.


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whew, now that that's done haha . A problem I kept seeing is that you forget to capitalize I's and the beginnings of sentences. You also tend to use the wrong form of a word. EX: Its and It's, and Your and You're.
I definitely like the direction this is going in and it makes me wanting more!!
PM me when you add some!
~dommy

Hi there!

I just wanted to let you know that you need to do two reviews before posting anything. keeping a nice two to one ratio of reviews to posts. That way everyone gets a little feed back. I know that you have posted a few things on peoples works, however you need to make sure that the post is long enough in order to be counted as a review.

Anything else you need to ask, just PM me, and I will do my best to help you out.



Best of luck,

OverEasy