Twisted

by unsterblichkeit36

Published August 7, 2009

Tear me apart,
Limb
By limb.

Rape me.
Molest me.
Kill me.
Ruin me.

Stab me to death,
Shank
By shank.

Watch me bleed
And wither away.

I’m going to Hell;
Where I can’t move
And I can’t speak.

I’m going to Hell;
Where you can’t see me
And you can’t touch me.

Twisted,
Isn’t it?

Comments & reviews · 3
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ItsKatie:) Review
ItsKatie:) wrote a review Review · Aug 7, 2009

I really like this! very dark, but very emotional. I do have to agree maybe shank wasn't the best word, but i could see what you were trying to say. I can tell this poem came from your heart, and thats pretty much what poetry is. I like how you used shortness and sweetness. wasent too wordy. keep writing!

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Hypknowsis
Review
Hypknowsis wrote a review Review · Aug 7, 2009

Great poem! Obviously dark, but that's ok. I loved the ending line.

unsterblichkeit36 wrote:
Stab me to death,
Shank
By shank.

Where you can’t see me
And you can’t touch me.


I only found a couple things that I would correct: I would change shank to something else; I just don't think it's the right word. Also, consider taking out the "and" and replacing it with something else. If you use "where" instead, I think it would be stronger. Again great job and just a reminder: never censor yourself if you think something is too dark; if it's scary or emotional, it's probably a great piece.



Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna lay down and become a tomato for a while.
— RokitaVivi