Hidden hope

Beat

My father barged through the door. I heard bottles clanking together and stepped out of my room. My father looked drunk to me. He wobbled and I kept my distance. I sat on the stair case and grabbed the poles guarding the sides. I was just a pair of eyes watching them. I was the eyes of a fly on the wall.

My mother tried to calm my father down but nothing worked. He pushed her out of the way and came towards the stairs. Please go to the office my voice said, but he didn’t. He put one dreadful wobbly foot on the first stair and held on the railing. He reeked of beer and smoke. I held my self against the wooden poles, but his disoriented body knocked into mine. A tear slipped from my cheek, I knew something would happen and I waited for it.

“Move, Kimberwy Awn!” said my drunk father.

I stood up for my father’s orders, but his drunken self knocked me down. My head hit a stair and the blood ran through my veins in shock.

“No,” I whispered to myself.

“Move!”

He smacked me across the face. And I broke out in tears crying. The necklace snapped off my neck leaving a scrape. He knocked the glass down right next to me. Several shards ran into my skin and I was left crying and smelling of beer.

“Kimberly, clean up the glass and stop crying.”

That left me in sobs more and I almost rolled over as my hands covered my eyes.

“Just cover up the scrapes and clean up the mess.”

I did as my mother told me and wiped the tears off of my eyes. I sat on the toilet in the bathroom and, one by one, pulled the shards of glass out of my arms. Drops of blood poked out as the rusty aroma filled my nose. The salty tears pouring from my eyes soothed the cuts. I put bandages over every slice and walked out. I got the vacuum and sucked up the beer and glass. The stench didn’t go away, so I pulled air freshener out of the cabinet under the sink.

I walked back upstairs and leaned myself against my bean bag chair. I ached all over and my neck burned. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I splashed my face with nice cold water. The redness washed off my face, but more tears fluttered down. I went in my room and locked the door. I could hear my father puking in his bathroom. I turned on the television to block out the disgusting noise. I lay in my bed. The lights were off and the cold air pulsing in my revealed blood. I pulled the sheets up and turned to my left. Ouch. My cuts were mostly on that side, so I slept on my back. The tears left wet marks on my pillow as I cried myself to sleep.

.: ~+~+~ :.

I woke up with my body smelling horribly and feeling dead. I walked downstairs and saw my father on the couch with a melted ice pack on his forehead. Obviously, he was hung-over from last night. I was too, but not in that way. The only hangover I had was from the slices in my skin. He was snoring louder than a bear in hibernation.

I went into the refrigerator and pulled out some milk. I pulled out cereal and poured in a bowl. I sat at the stool in solitaire. I stared at the cabinets that looked hideous against the counter and walls.

I looked over at my passed out father and looked back at the clock. It was five to ten and I guess I was out for awhile too. Usually I was awake by seven or eight, but I guess things just went downhill last night and I needed peace in unconsciousness. I heard growling from the drunk lying on the couch two rooms too close to me. It was then that I realized I hated my father and my mother hated me. I am not known to be ignorant for the most part, but I can’t believe I just noticed.

I stirred the soggy cereal in the white milk. I left my bowl on the counter and walked into the bathroom. The downstairs bathroom was the only one with a real bath, so I began to run the water. I turned the handle to the point of almost freezing temperatures. I slowly pulled off my tee as my scars ached more. It was the same with my undershirt and my bra, but soon enough I could sooth my wounds. I made sure the door was locked and slowly stepped into the water.

I lay my body down as I slid my neck underneath the water. I closed my eyes and let the water blow out of my nose. My hair was waving slowly and gently. I closed my eyes as I drifted off into emptiness. I ran out of air and clasped the sides of the tub and sprung up. I gasped for air. Ouch. The sudden movements hurt my body. I lifted the washcloth off the side and rested it against my neck.

Again, I closed my eyes, but this time, I fell asleep. I dreamed myself running through trees. I was lost, but looking for something. It was almost a natural instinct for me. I always ran through crowds of things, but this time, I was panting and frantically searching. What was I searching for? Dreams like this were never frightening, but this one was. I hated it!

I woke up on my side. The cool water was turning my skin a bit blue so I stood up and got a towel. I didn’t wrap the towel too close to my skin, but just close enough.

I grabbed my dirty clothes and draped the towel around myself like a dress, and headed out the door. I dressed in sweats, a simple tee, and a light hoodie. I opened the blinds and sat down on my bed. My bed faced the window perfectly and in the morning, the sun would shine directly in your face. Elephant liked to sleep there.

My mother was at work on a Saturday. I didn’t mind how she worked every day of the week because then she wouldn’t be home for most of the time. Sam was still sleeping in the other room. I knew because I could hear him kicking the wall as he slept. Speaking of sleeping, I wonder if the drunk was still sleeping downstairs. I walked out of my room and stepped over to the balcony. No one was on the couch anymore and the icepack was on the ground. He probably was chuckling and typing away to his friends.

I stepped back into my room and began to look at my family pictures. I didn’t count the pictures because it was so easy. Thirteen. There were thirteen pictures of me when I was a couple minutes old to two years. I was fed up with this! I went downstairs and then I saw my necklace from last night. I picked up the thin and ripped golden chain. The heart twinkled in the sunlight and I headed up the stairs.

I sat on my bed, letting the sunlight fill me. I dangled the necklace in my two fingers and dropped it on the bed. There was barely any noise at all. I tied to fix it, but nothing worked. I picked the necklace, two gold earrings, and one gold dolphin up and walked over to the other side of my bed. My room was a little bit old and you could easily pick the floor boards up. I lifted one of them up and placed a box inside. It was yellow and had a bow. I grabbed a sharpie off my desk and got a sticky note.