Published November 24, 2011
I called her Rose. Rose for her soft red lips. Rose for her tall, slender, perfectly curved body. Rose for her delicate, silky skin. And rose for her thorns.
These thorns are what I didn’t know, and yet they could have been what pulled me to her. The reason I stayed. Ivy had entangled our hearts, but all plants must be trimmed, just like how all flowers eventually wither. I suppose I have to be the one to cut back the snare, yet every time I try my life becomes a vanishing smoke, like the mist that covers my past.
Lying on my back, looking up at the night sky above. The fog hides the star’s twinkle, there is no moon to give me light. The snow on the ground around me soaks through my t-shirt. It chills me to the bone, and yet I don’t feel it, I don’t feel anything, I can’t see anything. It is as though my entire body has given up, as though I have died. There is no warmth pulsing from my heart. The blood that flowed through my veins lies scattered and frozen around me. It had poured out of a wound in my side. I am dead. There’s no way I can be alive, but I live on. I see a light, but it is not heaven, it comes from my hand. From the unmalting ice I am clenching. Somehow, something lies beside me colder then the snow against my wounded skin. A person. She is dead too, for it is a she. Neither of us is alive or dead. Neither of us cares. I don’t see, I don’t feel, I sense the smile on her face. And I remember how we got here.
Why is it that this is the memory that visited me? My last memory of her, of Rose. The time when my life faded from color, to red, to black. Then I see the field. The one from that night. Why am I here? Why do I let the absent thoughts dancing around my head lead me? There are so many questions now. There have been so many since that night six years ago, and none can be answered. Why am I here? Not at this field, not in this place, but why am I on this world still? Why did she go but not me? But I did leave. And I’m not coming back.
I'm sorry that this is unfinished but please comment to tell me where to go from this! 
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140,942 Literary Works • 673,774 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh...this is definitely clearly referring to a human woman there...aand its a very poetic sort of comparison and description we've got here...it has the added bonus of not just describing the person, it also shows the way this person who's narrating this actually views said person and it makes for an interesting start to this here story.
So...that took a dramatic, from a fairly romantic sounding description of someone I assumed was a lover of sorts....it goes towards the image of this narrator lying somewhere on a cold night, having received a fatal wound and on the verge of death if not already dead...but somehow seemingly unable to pass through the afterlife...its makes for a haunting description and most definitely is something that makes us readers very interested in what might be going on here.
Ahhh the ending just adds even more to the mystery...it sounds like somehow this earlier descriptions were both from the past and this person/ ghost?? is now visiting some other location in search of answers as to who that earlier part was about....definitely seems very intriguing, you definitely manage to hook your audience...and I like where this appears to be going.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I think your imagery was AMAZING! It sounded as if you were writing a poem and not a story. It was Fantastic. I'm really interested in seeing where this story goes, so post the next chapter quick! I love a good vampire story
Hey! I think this is awesome. It has a sweet mood, even though he and Rose are dead in a sense. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that the narrator is a boy. But if you could somehow make that just a little more clear that would would be great so that there isn't any doubt at all. I agree with Adriana about the beginning, it was a really strong hook, and I wanted to read more, and I was not disappointed. I also agree that this should be a Prolouge, not a first chapter. I'm also intersted in how you're going to tell the story. Is it just one big flashback? Does it start or end with that one night six years ago? Do all the questions you asked in the last paragraph get answered?
This is unmelting, right?
Message me when you have another chapter up!
-Picklesole
HI!! First of all, this is a great story you have here!! I love it!
And what a powerful beginning!
Your narrative is great, full of emmotion and imagery. You make us empathize with the character from the start and this a good thing!
I don't think the "I don't see anything" is necessary here... Think about it...
I think you meant "colder THAN the snow", right?
One last thing: I don't think you should call it "chapter 1"... Maybe a "prologue" would be better...
Anyways, I love it and I can't wait to read more...
Keep writing and feel fre to PM me.
I'm sorry if anything I said here sounds harsh or offensive... It was not my intention.
Bye!!
xxAdrianaxx