I'd lie

Thanks guys. You know, it was fun to write this, but I would have nothing to write about. I don't read romance, so I could not come up with a scenario to write about. I read A LOT of fantasy, so that's what I write about. It's what I know. The closest thing I've read to pure romance is Twilight, and I'm not sure that counts--you know, vampires and such. And it was a bit of a let down. So I'm glad you liked it and all, but I highly doubt you will be reading anything romance from me soon.

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

I usually don't like romance, but what you have here is really good and I enjoyed it. Your vocabulary and grammar is excellent and I would rather enjoy more things like this from you.

I can already envision a good future for you if you keep making short stories like this. Keep up the good work and have a nice day.

I like it. You did a good job with it. It sounds believable, like the chracter's real, as if all of this really happened. It's pretty. Maybe you should do some more writing in the romance genre. You're quite good at it. I love the ending, how it's like "Which is why if you asked me if I know him, I’d answer yes. If you asked me if I like him, I’d say no. And if you asked me if I love him… I’d lie."

-Crescent

Dear diary,

Today is a day like no other.

Today, fish don’t swim. Today, birds don’t fly. And today, hearts don’t beat.

Today, fish plunge into the pristine depths of oceans, ponds, and lakes. The sun bouncing off their glittery scales, they effortlessly flow through a curtain of liquid velvet, which smoothly forms to the individual contours of their slippery bodies. You should change around this sentence a bit. It's too fragmented and would run smoother if you made it a complete sentence.

And today, when least expected, hearts lurch.

As I read, the soft "pitter patter" of the rain striking window kept me entranced.

Instead, when I looked up, my heart skipped a beat. The steady "thump, thump, thump” of it took off.

It was him.
I didn’t know his name. I didn’t care. I had seen him around. At random places, but around. Was it really my luck that he should be there, rain droplets rolling down his body, drenching his hair? There, not fifteen yards away, bringing in boxes to the garage next door? He was my new neighbor.

Days passed, then weeks and months. Events took place.Things changed.It sounds pretty awkward. You could reword it or just take it out completely.

Dear diary,

His name is John. He has these green eyes that glint with the sunlight. With his curly black hair and tanned flawless skin, he has swept into town with a rush.

Every moment we’re together I both love it and hate.Again, it sounds pretty awkward. It would work fine if you just cut it out. For we’re the dreaded “just friends.” But one day, maybe not soon, he’ll see the light. I hope.

In the meantime, whenever I see him with her my heart cracks just a bit. Seeing them together, it’s slowly killing me.

But I don’t like him, I say. I really don’t. And I am known for being a very honest person.
Which is why if you asked me if I know him, I’d answer yes. If you asked me if I like him, I’d say no. And if you asked me if I love him… I’d lie

*Liked
I really love this...your wording's beautiful and while romances typically seem so boring to me I really like this one. It pretty much avoids cliche (hard in this field of writing) and I felt like it had real emotion behind it. Really good.

Jasminebells.

I'm not surprised that this reminded you of "I'd lie" by Taylor Swift. That's what originally gave me the idea.

And as for the shortness of it all, yes, I suppose I could drag it out, but I have no interest to do so. I was just kind of in the mood, so I started writing and came up with this. I originally was doing it for the fun of it, but then I found this site and thought "What the heck." If people like it, good. If not, eh. I don't even really like it, though it was fun to write. Still, I much prefer the fantasy genre and will probably stick with that.

I'm glad that you like it, but this was more to improve my writing in general. I find I can write much better if I take the time to get to know my character, and with this, well... I have no interest whatsoever in writing a love story. Especially not a I-love-him-he-loves-her-I'm-like-heartbroken. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not me.

Anyways, thanks for the comment.

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

This reminded me of the Taylor Swift song, I'd Lie a little.
I really like it. It was honest. It was raw. However, it wasn't realistic. She never spoke more than a couple words to this boy but she's in love with him? I hate the ten second love story, like Romeo and Juliet or Edward and Bella. What they knew each other for a day and know they're in love? Pssh. I think you can drag this out a bit more, make it muuuuch longer. Overall, it was really good.


~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Music and Insanity

Comments in red.

ultraviolet wrote:Dear diary,

Today is a day like no other.

Today, fish don’t swim. Today, birds don’t fly. And today, hearts don’t beat. Oh I like this.

Today, fish plunge into the pristine depths of oceans, ponds, and lakes. The sun bouncing off their glittery scales, they effortlessly flow through a curtain of liquid velvet, which smoothly forms to the individual contours of their slippery bodies. Fragment. A pretty fragment, granted, but still a fragment. Fragments are okay unless they're of this type, because then it doesn't seem like an on-purpose fragment.

Today, birds soar about the limitless expanse of clear blue air. They take up residence in the many arms of that which we call trees. Then take off again, leaving gravity in their wake.

And today, when least expected, hearts lurch. Hm. I thought it was going to be a dark story with what you said there. But still a different surprise.

It was a moment of serenity. A perfect scenario. There I was, on a rainy day, with a good book and a spot by the window, curled up in my favorite throw blanket. As I read, the soft "pitter patter" Why are there quotation marks?of the rain striking window kept me entranced.

That is, until the book came to a close. Such a sad tiding to bear, the end of a good book. How one wishes it could go on for an eternity. This, of course, is reality.

Bent on enjoying the calming scene around me, I looked out of the window, ready to gaze at the steady drops as they fell to their doom, onto the harsh drive below.

Instead, when I looked up, my heart skipped a beat. The steady “thump, thump, thump” of it took off. Its rhythm lacked cadence. For there, outside my window, was a sight I had not expected to see.

It was him.

I didn’t know his name. I didn’t care. I had seen him around. At random places, but around. Was it really my luck that he should be there, rain droplets rolling down his body, drenching his hair? Hmm...I don't like the placement of drenching his hair, because it kind of modifies body. Which is weird. There, not fifteen yards away, bringing in boxes to the garage next door? He was my new neighbor.

And then he looked at me. Note, it was a fleeting glance. But a fleeting glance that, for several seconds, made me forget how to breathe.

I leave now. A sincere goodbye with love. -Unparalleled Dreamer She nicknamed herself in her diary? 0o

Days passed, then weeks and months. Events took place. Things changed. An old diary lay forgotten beneath a pile of candy wrappers and dirty socks. One day, in a search for her favorite cutoff jeans, she stumbled upon the diary once more. She had so much to tell it, yet so little time. She felt it could not wait, as if even a minute passing would destroy it all, so she summed up since her last entry and wrote her heart out.

Dear diary,

His name is John. He has these green eyes that glint with the sunlight. With his curly black hair and tanned flawless skin, he has swept into town with a rush. Every girl wants him.

I want him.

There’s this way he looks at me, like we’re the only two people alive.

Every moment we’re together I both love Took out it to make the sentence flow smoothly. and hate. For we’re the dreaded “just friends.” But one day, maybe not soon, he’ll see the light. I hope.

In the meantime, whenever I see him with her my heart cracks just a bit. Seeing them together, it’s slowly killing me.

But he doesn’t know this. Simple, oblivious boy.

But I don’t like him, I say. I really don’t. And I am known for being a very honest person.

Which is why if you asked me if I know him, I’d answer yes. If you asked me if I like him, I’d say no. And if you asked me if I love him… I’d lie.

Really cool.

Today, fish don’t swim. Today, birds don’t fly. And today, hearts don’t beat.

Today, fish plunge into the pristine depths of oceans, ponds, and lakes. The sun bouncing off their glittery scales, they effortlessly flow through a curtain of liquid velvet, which smoothly forms to the individual contours of their slippery bodies.

Today, birds soar about the limitless expanse of clear blue air. They take up residence in the many arms of that which we call trees. Then take off again, leaving gravity in their wake.

And today, when least expected, hearts lurch.