The feelings that are here today are simple
Simple meaning true
The factors of others attack and damage me
But I keep on holding on by a thread
Hoping to climb to the top of the tower
The tower of your heart.
I hope to find a way to win you over
To be the greatest
To have that infinite strength
To be that caring person
To be the mage of words
And wizard of soul feelings.
I want to be with you
I see myself inside of you
Reacting the same way to things
Have the same compassionate understanding I have
Being like me deep inside
Understanding my complex explanations
Understanding the feelings I bring to you
The many ways I see us having similarities
Makes me happy inside
Makes me have hope for the future
Makes me want to hold out my hand
And say with a calm, relaxed, trusting voice
“I am ready…Are you?”
This poem is from 2008 but I feel this way about a certain person now.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Well I dont know the difference exactly so I put it here.
Thanks for the words
-Josh
How I feel is a really great poem. I like the word choice and the form of the poem. As a poet it is always good to have great form and visual texture. Also, this is more of a Dramatic poem than a Lyrical Poem. ubertrance said, "Makes me happy inside Makes me have hope for the future Makes me want to hold out my hand". This was a really great par tof the poem. Also, I like the choice of words you choice to capitolize. You got the point across without fussing at the reader.
The beginning is pertaining to how complex feelings a teenager makes them out to be. I mention the simplicity of it to show that I know what true feelings are and how I represent them. How others attack me are due to the fact that sometimes I am criticized of who I like and being subjected to over protective friends, Hence the hanging by a thread.
I do get what you are saying, and to a normal person the beginning part would not fit but as it pertains to me; it makes sense in my mind.
Thanks for the advice
-Josh
Hi there! Let's see, your poem... Maybe seperate some things, they're kind of in a big blob. I liked the poem but since it's about a certain person, I feel it maybe shouldn't have the part about others at the beginning. Just a suggestion. Other than that, beautiful work!
~Rocking Writer~
Thank you so very much, all criticism are welcome.
It is good to see that you enjoy it. I know about my punctuation; I have never been great at it so I let it freely flow to however the reader sees it.
Hi there! First of all, welcome to YWS! You only joined this morning I notice, so I hope you're settling in OK. Everyone here is really lovely, and if you have any questions feel free to PM me, or head over to the Information Desk. Have you been to the Welcome area? That's a really great way to introduce yourself, get to know some people and get points as well!
Second of all, on YWS there's a 4:1 ratio (as of today), which means for every poem or story you post, you should do four reviews. You're allowed a freebie, but before you post something else you should review some other works as well. xD
Right, your poem! I'm quite new to poetry (I haven't been its biggest fan for.. oh, I dunno... ever) but the kind I have suddenly found myself writing is like this, and I like your style - which is your own. Therefore I find it hard to review poetry, because it is so personal (when I let people read the few I've done, it feels like I'm bearing my soul... very strange indeed). Anyway, you have a really nice way with words, and great imagery. I also like the way there isn't much of an obvious, formal structure, but there are patterns within it. It feels like you've really thought about what you want to convey.
The only helpful thing I can say to you is maybe have a little look at the ends of your lines, and ask yourself if a comma or semi-colon or whatever would help it flow/be read more easily.
Keep it up, and welcome to YWS!
~*cottonrulz*~