Serpents
So, I look in my rearview mirror
To see if your gonna change.
I see you running from the fire
Afraid of the flame.
Little do you know,
I escaped from the blaze,
and your narcissistic ways.
I looked in your car
And found the gasoline.
I checked your drawer, and
The matches, well,
They found me.
I see you talking to the humans,
Saying that you’re so sad.
So, I see your still playing the victim
When im the one who’s gone.
I see you talking to my parents.
Saying you can’t believe I’ve moved on
But I see behind the mask
As im getting lowered to the ground.
I see the way your eyes glint.
Not with tears, but envy.
Still, when Im six feet under,
you find something wrong.
They got me daisies, and
all you got were sympathies.
So, I turn back around.
I turn from the mirror and look ahead,
leaving the serpent
behind.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
This poem written by the author is awesome.
This poem would sound so cool as a song combined with rock music.
"They got me daisies, and
all you got were sympathies.
So, I turn back around.
I turn from the mirror and look ahead,
leaving the serpent
behind."
This poem is just so relatable, I also had fake friends, I guess all of them just wear this 'great true friend' mask on their faces to hide their real identity. They act like you can always rely on them in any circumstances, but they always leave you, they always betray you, leaving you confused and then you try to remember, are they the same friend you used to know.
Your fake friends always become your friend just for their benefit. They are like vicious snakes, and you never know when they will bite you and betray you.
I loved this poem.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Hello, this is AkuRashomon and I am here to give a review/ comment for your work. I love this work, it is a great showcase of a ex-friend that used your kindness. Instead of them being a good friend like a flame, they are a serpent/snake. The emotional roller coaster you have portrayed here is really like you are going through a process of leaving a friend behind and moving on, because they are a bad person.
I just found an error here:
You are supposed to put an apostrophe between the "I" and "m". Overall, that is all the errors I have seen. The poem was great! Keep on writing! I would love to read more! If you need help, you can message the admins of this site. The ones with dark green, light green and red. Hope this review/comment helps you improve in your writing and learning the site
- AkuRashomon
A Little Skimming - First Impressions
This is a very touching poem. I love your points on moving on, and moving forward. Not dwelling on the past. The victimization and betrayal of a close friend. Wow wow wow. This whole poem was a roller coaster of emotions. From sadness, to anger, to spite, to victory. The freedom of overcoming the brokenness, and leaving it in the dust.
Love it! - Parts That I Like
There was so many gems in this masterpiece!
How you describe the cowardliness of the antagonist is very fun for me to read. I love it when writers characterize the individuals in their story. It makes it much more relatable to the reader. Very good job on that one!
Here it is, the thing the antagonist does that makes the reader want to punch them in the face. The part that makes people say, "Seriously, dude?" When I read this, I was itching to slap that guy across the face, like, "Duh. You're not the one who's hurting, you drama queen." I really liked the spite you build to this person, raising into a crescendo, then... boom! Main character moves on, leaving them in the dust. YEAH! Love that!
Just A Tad Off... - Errors and Corrections
This poem was really well constructed, I only have one correction.
"I'm" is with an apostrophe in the middle of the "i" and "m", because it's short for I am. Make sure you add that in to make it grammatically correct. You use the word "im" throughout the writing, make sure you change those.
Salutations! - Final Thoughts and Goodbyes
This was a wonderful read! Keep writing!
Inferno