This was a freewrite in comm. arts, and I tought you guys might like it ![]()
As Santa looked over the nice and naughty list of boys and girls, he looked out to the workshop where the toys were made. To his surprise, the windows are dark. Santa squeezed through the door the elves still hadn’t widened and crunched through the snow towards the workshop. His breath swirled in the sir, and he pulled open the heavy green and red doors to the workshop. The machines were off, and it was bitterly cold. Luckily, Santa has put a tracker on each elf because they always left without notice. He saw hundreds of red swirling triangles in Washington D.C.
Using his magical powers, Santa poofed to D.C. He found himself among his little elves, throwing gumdrops and holding up signs that read “Gingerbread is nothing without gumdrops!!” and “Gumdrops were made for gingerbread!”. Santa didn’t understand. Why did gumdrops matter?
“Hold on, hold on here!” he shouted. “What’s going on?”
“Their saying that gingerbread houses don’t need gumdrops!” one elf shouted. “Everyone knows that a gingerbread house cannot be a gingerbread house without gumdrops!”
“Why does it matter?” Santa asked. This puzzled him, why would they make such a big argument over gumdrops?
“I don’t know, it just seems right!”
“Okay now, back to the north pole all of you!” Santa demanded. “And all of you are on the naughty list! All of you!”
The next day, Santa snuck out into the workshop in the middle of the night. He went into the storage room, and noticed it smelled like gingerbread. After flicking on the light, Santa saw carts full of gingerbread houses, all covered in gumdrops. Santa could not believe what he was seeing. The elves were supposed to be making toys for the children, not gingerbread! Santa decided to eat every last gumdrop off those houses.
By the morning, he was to fat to fit out the door! This was a problem. Soon, he heard the elves start working. He hid behind the houses as the cart rolled in. The elf that was pushing it saw the tampered with gingerbread houses and ran out to the main factory. Santa heard elves flowing into the room, and getting closer to where he was hiding. They saw Santa and stood. They whispered to each other, and began taking baseball bats and knocking the door down so Santa could get out. They glared at Santa, mad that he destroyed their work and was going against them. Santa sat there, thinking of what to do. Christmas was five days away, and they were low on toys. Christmas was ruined.
After many months, Santa came out on top. The elves sued for the eating of the gumdrops, and a new law was passed that gumdrops aren’t allowed on gingerbread at all because there is the slim chance of a fat guy like Santa eating then and becoming too fat to leave the room.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Glad you all liked it
I understand how its rushed... I had half and hour to write it,I had a headache and I was all foggy Dx
I love christmas stories!
This was totally cute! lol gumdrops! I thought it was good! Very nice! The elves make such a big fuss over little things lol.
Keep Writing!
This is cute!
xxxx
and... you've totally inspired me to write something like this..
This is so funny and cute. You should write more stories that are like this. But, I didn't like it how the elves sued Santa! Hey, it's your story, it's not mine, right? Great work!
Keep Writing!
Nike
Hey there. First off I really like this story. I think it's a great children's story.
I really felt you NEEDED to expand. This could become a great story, and not just remain good. Especially the ending.
It reads easily, though sometimes the english was a little off.
Please don't skip the last 5 days. You could even say what happens on every one of those days.
Remember, my red edited points are only what I would change in those sentences, not necessarily what you HAVE to use.
Continue!!!
Ahh, you just have to love it! XxX
Haha! Love it, man! Although short and a little confusing on parts, this is still hysterical! I think this would be a lot better though if you lengthened it up and added more plot and character structure though. As far as other problems and critiques, I'll put them in #FF0000 ">red.
Hehe, gotta love those short stories like this one! Anyways, like I said before, liked the story, but I think you could expand in places, especially the end and the middle. Was Christmas saved? What sparked all the arguments about gumdrops? Those are just some thoughts on where you could expand.