Raindrops were running down the window of the bus. It's like this little ,old, lousy town was crying because I left. Just like my mom did. She doesn't want me to leave, but I d
want to go. I need to get away from is place before it sinks in the sea of the past. I'm going now, moving on , growing up. Trying to go from in the middle of nowhere to the middle of somewhere. To become someone, to become a dancer. Pas de basques, arabesques , dancing through the streets ,that actually have city lights, untilI reach my goal. No longer am I a redneck girl with a dream. I'm going to be a city girl living her dream.
" Is that the best you can do ? No? Then show me what is the best! This isn't a small city anymore. More people, more competition. Try to keep up!" the teacher yells again in heavy russian accent. Everything used to be so easy , but now I actually have to work. I'm not the best in the group and I already have the reputation of a failure.I try again, a jeté. I flex my toes and hold my foot at the perfect 45° angle. The teacher walks by and nods mumbling something in russian that I don't understand. And she isn't the only one. I don't think I have ever heard so many behind my back comments directed at me in one week before. At least some mark of appreciation towards me would be nice. I grab my bag and go to the changing room. All the girls give me dirty looks. "Wanna show us some of your redneck moves?" " Not another one!" " Don't worry ,they never last here!" they "whisper" To each other. But I don't think they are really trying to hide it from me. All they see in me is more competition , more chances to fail. I pull my hoodie on and make my bun messier. Well this has only been the first week so it might get better... Time helps, right?
I sip on my caramel mocha, letting my eyes wonder around the room, stopping on the name tags of the people working here ,trying to remember their names. If I'm going to be working with these people I better learn their names and try to find some friends. "So .. Emma right? " says the guy in the corner sitting on top of the box of straws pointing at my name tag. "Yeah" , " Watson? ", "No, it's Watsen. Oh wait that was a joke right ? " I answer failing to see his joke in the first place. " Haha , it was supposed to be one, but didn't turn out so well. I'm Josh", " Sorry can't think of any jokes with Josh .. " I say , but he doesn't look disappointed. He looks friendly and nice. Like one of those sweet ,nerdy guys with chunky glasses and a couple of freckles. "Nah, it's okay. Well ,looks like break is over , get up Watson ," he says smiling and emphasizing the 'o' in the Watson. He comes over and helps me up " We've got some coffee to make! " . Looks like this place might not be that bad after all.
I get back to my apartment and it's already dark outside. And it starts raining again. At least I'm already inside. I sit by my window trying to focus on my book , but I can't. The rain reminds me of the day I left, to fulfill my dream. Am I doing that? Am I getting even anywhere near to living my dream? I can't focus on the book anyways, my thoughts are disturbing me. They are like lonely owls hooting in the dark for no good reason, not really saying much or at least I don't understand them. I get up and my feet start moving. Randomly doing whatever they want. Listening to the rain and making it a background music for their little dance. It's not me , it's my body. Spiritually free, physically attached.
"One by one, on the diagonal ,". I line up on the diagonal behind all the other girls. " Which foot do we start with?"I ask the girl in front of me . "Left", "It's right" corrects the girl behind her. " Thanks" . I look at the girl who gave me wrong information. I should watch out for people like her. The more people the less people there is to trust. I'm the next one up so I get in the position. Trying to find a point to focus on , on the other wall. And as the music hits the right beat I step onto my foot and start spinning. All I see is a mixture of colors around me , like a whole new word where I can only stay for a couple of seconds. That's what makes it so special. As I finish and reach the end of the diagonal I can feel someone looking at me. I look around , seeing more dancers giving me dirty looks. I try to look more smug to make them angrier. But I still can't get rid of the feeling that something's watching me. The teacher doesn't give me a chance to think about that and starts with a new exercise.
As I walk out of the dance studio I hear someone yell my name. "Watson wait up!" I turn around and it's Josh. " What are you doing here? How do you know I dance? Did you stalk me? Now I'm seriously feeling like Emma Watson, I even have my own personal stalker!". He smiles at my little joke, even though it was quite stupid. " No ,not really. Only a bit maybe. I saw you hurrying somewhere this morning , but I was too far away to scream your name and ask where you're going. So I though I'd follow you and see where you go. Sorry if that's a bit creepy ... " he apologizes with a pathetic, awkward smile. " You watched me dance?", "Yeah. Your amazing,", " So that was the feeling ... Uhm thanks. Are you working tonight shift? " ," Yeah" " Mind if I join you?", " Not at all". So we walked there together just talking about dancing and him stalking me. Mostly joking about Emma Watson and Harry Potter. Everything with him is fun and free. Nothing serious , just jokes and enjoying being with each other. This place and this new life might actually turn out good ... I guess all I needed was a friend or something more than that ...
"Tomorrow , 5 o clock in Staines. Don't be late or you won't get a chance!" her Russian accent is starting to become clearer to me by now. An audition , this is my chance! I can make my big breakthrough! I just gotta try and do my best. If these girls think of me as competition then I might as well show them that I am some serious competition. If I fail there ,I'll be a laughing stock forever.
I look at the train time table , three more minutes to wait. I like it here , in the London Underground. I can just look at the people , the things they do. I have this little game also. I've heard so many stories about people committing suicide in the London Underground by jumping onto the train tracks. So I look at people and think which one of them is most likely to jump in front of the train. That guy over there! The way he looks at the tracks like he misses them. He's standing so close to the yellow line, one more step and he is in the train hole. And he looks so miserable, maybe gone through a divorce lately or got fired? His hair is turning gray and his shoulders sag a bit under is suit jacket. He has a bag with him , more like briefcase. But it looks more like the case is dragging him around not him dragging the bag. My train is here. And the guy didn't even jump on the tracks. Slightly disappointed ,but maybe he still has something to live for.I get on the train. The guy next to me is nodding his head to the beat of his music. I look at the advertisements on the walls. Nothing new really. It doesn't even take that long I'm off the train soon. I have no idea where to go. I just know the street names. " Excuse me sir?" ,"Yes?" "Do you have any idea where the Chertsey lane might be?" I ask him. " Chertsey? Oh darling you still need to take one more train to get there!" he tells me. No , this can't be happening! My first audition and I'm lost already. "Do you know what train I need to take?" " Sorry I don't use the train so I don't have a slight idea ,", " Oh well thank you still " . I walk back to the train station and ask the lady by the counter. She looks at me strangely "Nr 34" she says quietly and quickly. I thank her and run to the train. It has just arrived , if I miss it I have to wait for an hour and it's already 10 minutes to five.I run and I see the train starting to move. "Stop!" I yell hoping for the train to stop. And immediately I think am I stupid ? The trains here don't even have a driver. They are all on autopilot. But it looks like someone heard me and put their hand between the doors and the train stopped. Thank god! Now at least I'll get there..
I walk through the big hall doors , and there are only the judges left by the table. "Hi , I'm here to audition," I declare. "You're late , we have already finished. No more auditions today ," " Please, just give me a chance !", "No, this is it for today ," ,"I only need one minute! " I was about to fall to my knees and beg them. "The dance world is tough , get used to it ," . They were not going to change their mind , I had to change their mind. I take out my iPod and put on Sia - "Breathe me" and throw it to the side. I start dancing. Just improvising , doing my best to interest them. I throw myself on the floor and roll around , jump, splits, arabesques - anything I could possibly do. My hair is in my face, my body is getting tired , but the song isn't ending. I must go till the end. Don't start if you're not planning to finish. Last beats. I fall and lay myself out. Lifeless and ended. The music quiets down. I get up say thank you and drop my CV on their table and walk out.
Why did I do that ? How could I even possibly think randomly dancing would help me ? It won't. They will just think I'm arrogant and say no straight away. Oh god this is just making a bigger mess of myself than if I didn't audition. "Is everything alright?" Josh asks me , he looks so worried about me. Kind of cute. "Don't worry about the audition. You need to be tough and a bit arrogant in the dancing business. At least you stood out ... " his tries to cheer me up keep failing. Or am I just making it hard for him. I send him an awkward smile ... Don't know what else to do. At least he won't feel like a failure then.
It's raining again and I'm soaked when I get back home. Great, so today can get even worse. I feel so hopeless. I'm like a butterfly that someone picked up and then dropped a teardrop on. Soaked in my own and the could's tears. I can't fly anymore... I open my mailbox and stare at the random emails that aren't even worth reading . The only thing that could make my day better is some sweatpants and a hoodie bigger than ever. As I'm changing I hear the mailbox bing and a message pops up saying "You have received an email". I open it not really hoping anything. Till I see it's from the dancing agency I auditioned for! Reading through the email I find out that they loved my character and how I made them see me. And they have decided to take the risk of hiring me. I just stare at the screen, reading and rereading the email. Not being able to believe it. I thought they hated me...
"Very good, Emma, keep going!" the teacher says looking satisfied with my moves. I see the other girls' faces reactions from the mirrors though. Even more dirty looks than usual... Well I proved that I am real competition not just some random redneck throwing around some moves. I am actually a dancer now. When I walk out of the studio Josh is already waiting for me. He smiles as he sees me smile and hugs me. "What's with the smile?", "They didn't hate me!" I announce, "Huh?" ,"The agency where I auditioned hired me!", "Told you ,you would make it! Way to go ,Watson. So we are going to be happy cafe workers today instead of the usual I-just-work-here-for-the-free-coffee look?" looks like he is happy for me too. I nod and we keep walking. I really feels like everything is starting to work out here.. The dancing is great. I can do something that I love and I'm good at it! And it isn't just a small county where I'd be first out of two. No, there are hundreds of dancers here and they chose me! A girl from the middle of nowhere is going to be dancing in the mid-front of the stage! And Josh ... He's so nice to me and won't let me give up. He's like the rainbow to my rain. Finally I'm in the middle of somewhere and living my dream!
I open my eyes and look around me. An empty field, covered in dead daisies that used to grow next to the river that has dried up by now. A lonely , empty place. It's so quiet I can hear my blood rush through my veins and my eyes blink. I stand up. It hurts, like I had fallen from somewhere high. I can feel my body gain power again as I stand up, just like the earth does after a storm. But only to fall back down when the next storm comes. All my bones are stiff and don't want to help me. I turn around and see a road sign. I walk up to it and wipe the dust off it. The dust just falls straight down, there isn't even enough wind to carry a bit of dust. The sign's message echoes through my mind. Bouncing in my skull. An imaginary ball being passed back and forth by my thoughts. Not letting me focus on the message the sign has on it, I don't understand it. I read it again. My thoughts let the ball with the message drop. It's laying there, still and clear. I'm sure of it's message now. It says :" The Middle of Nowhere".
This has a pretty good plot and the protagonist seems decent. I like your story, but it needs some work to make it better. But don't worry nothing is ever perfect.
Review time!
Your opening sentence doesn't draw the reader in. It's full of description about rain falling down the window of a bus, which has no meaning to the plot. In the second paragraph you introduce us to the dance instructor and you TOLD us she has a accent, instead of SHOWING us her accent. You could of use dialect to make her dialogue different from the other characters.
The worse thing with this the story is how you didn't put each dialogue in its own paragraph, and it caused a lot of clutter and long paragraphs. But you can fix that in a few seconds.
Your description in some places is very good, "They are like lonely owls hooting in the dark for no good reason, not really saying much or at least I don't understand them." it's wonderful and keep up writing description like this instead of "Raindrops were running down the window of the bus."
All the other things wrong with this piece has been said in bellow reviews, but if you were to make the suggested changes, I think you would have a really good piece.
Keep up the good work, can't wait to read another good piece from you!
~Paris
Thankyou
Review time!
Okay, I honestly like the overall plot of of story and the gist of it. The concept of this one particular girl who feels like she has failed in her aspirations to become an excellent dancer is a rather good one, but I would suggest you improve on how it is executed. Minor spelling errors, grammar, sentence structure and sentence fluency are found in your piece. It is a great plot story but the sentence fluency and lack of...feeling put ito a specific event aren't as evident nor executed well enough in order to make this even better. I'm not here to shoot ypu down or anything, but all I am saying is that improvement is needed to make anyone a better writer!
Like Chinkstuhhh had said...the title doesn't nescessarily tie into the story...only in the ending which is rather puzzling...you can eiether change the title or alter the story a little so that title comes into play or makes sense a little more.
alright thanks for your advice
Hey just posting a quick review here!
LOVE the idea with the protagonist being a dancer and her goal to become better. I am a dancer myself, and the title really caught me off guard. "In the Middle of Nowhere" didn't seem much like a dance inspired short story to me! So I loved it right when I read the words, jete, arabesque, etc. The only thing I would recommend would be the grammar and the sentence structure. When you are trying to portray a conversation I suggest to provide spaces in between a couplet just because it helps the reader not lose their track etc. But good job! I look forward to reading more from you!
thankyou
I'll see what I can do about that title 
Hello there, Sandvich reporting in for daily review duty!
is really, really good.This is certainly an interesting story. From my interpretation, it's a great description of this character moving in to a new town, and the way you describe the mannerisms of those who have been there longer enforces the unfamiliarity of the environment, and its apparent hostility to strangers. Well done on that.
The ending was quite spectacular as well. It seems like it could be viewed in a few ways. To me, it suggested that the character's last paragraph about how the agency she auditioned for hired her was a dream. This is great because it shows just how bleak she feels her situation is. The use of imagery such as
However, the piece could be a tad confusing to read sometimes. Your punctuation is a little off in places. I'll use the first line as an example. The use of commas in a few places in this story is quite odd. For example, that line should be As a rule, commas always follow words and always have a space after them.
Also, you should generally start a new line when a new character talks.
Thanks for the read, I really enjoyed it!
Keep writing,
Sandvich
Alright, thanks for the comments