Published April 23, 2013
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141,404 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Hey tteele!
I'm not too much of a poetry person, but I do enjoy the classics, moreover; it's review day and I'm looking into peoms. Which I rarely review, so I searched until I found one that I really enjoyed.
That would be your peom, a short but sweet one about very common relatable issues, told in a very cute way. I really like this. As I said, I'm not a poetry person, but works like this pull me in.
However, not all poems are spotless and I did find a few issues. But not many.
There are a couple of places where you should have had a period but instead went forth with a comma instead.
I also like looking for patterns in poems, because the more symmetrical they are, the more I respect and admire them. I found no pattern here though. Of course, they are pretty much free verse, but as I said; personal preference.
This ending line is fantastic. However, you spelled were wrong. We're means "we are".
Someone also mentioned paralysed. But I think you write UK english, right? So that's correct, as paralyzed is US.
I like your other peoms as well. I might check your longer works.
Cheers
Birkhoff
Hey little author here,
I could really relate to this poem, well I think everyone could. I thought it was well written but now for the part that know one wants to hear, the mistakes. Now you didn't have many spelling errors bu enough that the person before me had to point out so I won't tell you about them again. The beginning's of your lines should be capitalized and some punctuation was needed. I did really enjoy this poem and though it had errors, it was still pretty good.
Keep writing
Okay I gotta ask is it the bird swallow? or to actually swallow? I'm kinda unclear on that...
This poem has a good concept that is easily relatable which is good. As far as corrections go keep up the punctuation! Some of your lines dropped it when it should be either a comma or a period (exclamation, question, etc.). You also should have the same amount of lines for each stanza as some of it your poem seems structured but then it turns into more of a free verse. Now for spelling: You have misspelled 'paralyzed' and used 'we're' instead of 'were'. The last thing is the last line of your second stanza doesn't make a whole lot of sense, is this spark being read?
Happy Writing!