Published June 28, 2011
This story is for the Big Random Story Contest.
My topic was - A soldier at a skyscraper spending money.
I had always wanted to write a story around some beautiful quotes. This contest gave me inspiration. It is not perfect but I just wanted to give it a try.
On the first day of my 16th year I woke up to find a small package and a letter attached. My heart leaped and tears welled up in my eyes when I recognised the petite handwriting of my Dad. He hadn't been home for 2 months now and I missed him terribly. My dad was the only one I had, he was 'My Rock' as I called him. It had always been just me and my dad. My mom died when I was three. My dad was my best friend. He was a soldier. There was a war, it isn’t important which war and when, there just was a war and he went to fight. This was the letter I got on my 16th birthday.
Dear Aastha,
Congratulations on completing yet another revolution around the sun.
Happy Birthday! I know you’re upset with me for not being home now but don’t spoil your birthday for it honey, go out with Treena and Sharkie and just have some fun.
Since, I knew I couldn’t be with you for your birthday this year I wanted to give you something special. So before I went to the war I went to the city, to this big mall where you get all kinds of things. And I don’t exaggerate when I say all kinds of things. I wish you could have been there you would have gone ballistic.
The building was huge. The whole building was tinted with glass. I was awed looking at its majesty. Every single thing in the building shouted out its opulence. All the malls back in our hometown started looking tawdry suddenly.
But the sky outside was so miserable. Hardly any birds could be seen in the sky, the sky wasn’t just blue enough, and nasty black fumes adorned the sky. For all its opulent show it was just another atrocity toward the earth. It just reminded me of something I had read somewhere, someplace, sometime ago.
I looked at all the shops and I just couldn’t decide what to buy for you. There were so many things to choose from. You got a hundred different choices of everything, right from a tiny toothpick to a Mercedes. The little money I had was begging me to spend them. The shop windows were beckoning me to come and look, come and buy.
I spent hours searching for the ‘perfect present’ but I just couldn’t find it. Maybe it just goes to show that I am getting old but I ended up at the bookstore. I know how much you loved books, my little worm. So I guessed you wouldn’t mind as much. There I found this book. A quotation book. It had the most beautiful quotes, old and new, written in the most beautiful calligraphy. I knew this was it. I knew I found your, my ‘perfect present’.
I know you’re scared, I am scared too. That is why I bought you this book so that you can look at the words and find the strength within you. Here is one I liked.
Stupidity is fearing nothing.
- Todd Bellemare
There is nothing wrong with being scared. In fact, admitting your fears might be sometimes the bravest thing to do. So don’t bottle up your feelings honey, even if I am not there.
You had always been kind, compassionate, and honest. But don’t let you fiery temper get in the way. Remember
It is a habit.
Don’t ever forget to dream, Aastha. Dream and dream big, the sky is the limit, just dream.
No dream is too big; with passion and perseverance anything could be achieved.
wake up from, but
something that wakes you up.
- Charlie Hedges
Never let others deter you from following your dreams. People may ridicule you but always follow your heart.
Stop and take a break from everyday monotonous life. Don’t just lead your life for the heck of it, take time to observe, learn from the little things in life.
Called the present.
Lastly, My favourite one so far
thinking anyway, so think BIG!
- Donald Trump
I will be back before you know it. Just take of yourself and find out the good ones I missed. We will read them together.
Love you
XOXO (Isn’t that how you end your letters)
Your Rock
P.S. Happy Birthday once again dear.
Dad never came back. A month after I got this letter we got the news that he died. This letter and his last gift are my most prized possessions now. And whenever I am sad, I just look at the words and as Daddy said they give me strength.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,124 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
I think that your choice to write a letter definitely lends itself to quotes, but I think that in order to make this a quality piece, you need to save some of those quotes for later, choose one, and use it. Right now, especially at the end, I don't care enough to read through all those quotes. They aren't relevant to me. I wanted to read a story about a girl and her father. I feel like if he wanted to share a quote with his daughter, he wouldn't just dump them all on her, but maybe even spend time explaining why one was important to him and why he thought it would be important to her.
I like the tone of most of it. I'm not sure the father would use such haughty vocabulary when writing to his daughter. Have you ever written to one of your parents? What was their voice in their letters? What words did they use to speak to you? Think about what would be appropriate in this situation.
Finally, a letter story is taught as a form at my university. But in order to make it a story, something has to HAPPEN in the letter. It can't just be a letter between characters. That reveals characters, but doesn't make a story. It doesn't have to be something big and plotty. Even if the father just has a realization and shares it with his daughter, we'll feel that we've followed him through a journey, through a story. Make it about something, not just about using quotes. Use one quote to add to the message of your story. After all, the quote's already written. Someone already said that. You don't have to write any more. The reason YOU are writing is because YOU have something to say. I want to hear what you have to say, and that's what it's more about, less about a quote by someone else.
If you have any questions, lemme know!
Hannah
Interesting story, definitely unique! the flow is really good. coming to some details now...
1# try to elaborate the first paragraph. go for some more detail like- she's lonely today, about the atmosphere, and some things that remind her of her father and mother. you can also compare about her last birthday she spent with her dad with her present birthday.
2#
loved this line. it was a unique way of wishing happy birthday.
3#
i don't think this line is suitable. it's just my opinion.
4# i loved all the quotes out there. its motivating.
5# you can also stretch the ending to make it sound more lively.
overall, great work.