E - Everyone

Story of You: (A Ballad)

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Years and Years have passed

But the memory's still new;

Like a second soul, like a sixth sense

I'll forever remember: The Story of You.

Youth was etched in my heart, unstained

I didn't know what I would miss

But now that it's lost, so am I:

Me and my regret, roaming an abyss.


once upon a time

On a faraway land

Lived a young girl

of the high and grand.

Her heart so light,

Her life so bright,

More was yet to come

And so was a knight

The trees changed colors

A light breeze blew,

So came autumn

All fresh and new

Young Teresa laughed

Ne'er a single wail

And then began her own

Precious little tale.

A fateful meeting followed

And even though she didn't know

Beautiful, young Teresa

Had met her Romeo.

Tristan, was his name

And his eyes were wide,

as he took her in,

she said "Tristan," and smiled.

They teased and played

As the days grew longer

They didn't seem to notice

When their bond grew stronger. 

Never had Tristan met a girl

So pure, so bright, so fun

His feelings for her grew everyday

He was the sunflower, she was his sun.

Never had Teresa met  a boy 

So gentle, So kind, so fun

Her feelings for him went out of control

She was the sunflower, he was her sun.


Shy to admit it,

Neither said a word. 

Love so pure, Love so deep

Didn't need to be heard.

Her hand was his crutch

His arms were her wings

With the other it became clear, 

The beauty of all things.


But happy endings are scarce

And so they'll meet this fate

Even if it might've worked

Days were gone, it was too late.

Time Finally gave up on them

Just as all was going well,

Hence came the razing storms

Of breaking hearts and living hell.

Teresa was to be taken away

Far across the seventh sea

To live elsewhere, start again

Life's not always what you want it to be

Torn and desperate and hurt

Tristan bared his heart

But Teresa was dragged away

In the end, she had to part. 

How she wishes, to see him again

To tell him what he never knew

And seven seas is a long distance

They'd never meet again, that much was true.


Dawns Brought hope

Nights Brought fear

All alone, Juliet hoped

Her romeo would reappear.


I Know I'll never see you again

But I do every single night,

You're in my dreams, in my heart

In the darkness you give me light.

And I didn't have the courage

to say it before,  

And so I'll say it now:


Years and Years have passed

But the memory's still new

I don't know how you could never know

Always and forever, I'll love you.



Comments & reviews · 6
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Random avatar
wetumbrella5
Review

Hi. Your poem was very beautiful and catching piece of work. It is a mixture of story telling and poetry and there was really good balance between these two.
You are very great in choosing words and every single words seems to be suitable and its own place in your poem.
You have also got some great lines too:

"Like a second soul, like a sixth sense"

"Love so pure, Love so deep"

"And seven seas is a long distance"

"Dawns Brought hope, Nights Brought fear"

Keep writing!

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hello! Care for a review?

This was really light and fluffy and cheery and... what's the word I'm looking for? WISTFUL! And I thought it was really sweet. But then it had a really dark edge towards the end- I thought they were going to die, actually, especially with the Romeo and Juliet references. Heh. But I thought it was pretty neat! And you had some great rhymes.

I'll forever remember: The Story of You.


I thought it was a little odd that the title of the poem got mentioned so soon at the beginning, considering it was quite a long piece (mind you, I think that's what ballads are about?) But that's just a little thing. I also found it curious that you capitalised it, like a (the) title. It kinda gives the impression that you're trying to point out that that's the title!

So came autumn

All fresh and new


I thought this was a cool bit, but it also sounds kinda odd hearing autumn being referred to as 'fresh and new' as fall tends to be... the poster boy for... change, yes, but not newness. Fall is more, well, the end of summer, and the preparation for winter (I love fall, I just don't think the image you were trying to convey quite works with that). But that's just my opinion! ^_^

They teased and played

As the days grew longer

They didn't seem to notice

When their bond grew stronger.


The bolded bit is my favourite! It's refreshing because it was like... I don't know, about kissing and romance? It was like they slipped into love, and it was a cute, new way to say it. And I loved it!

I think this ballad could use a bit more of that. I found a bit could have been a little more unique. An example would be the use of Romeo and Juliet for names, even if it's just sorta place holders to convey that they're lovers, it still feels a tad on the tacky side. So many people use Romeo and Juliet as a way to say "these two are in love".

One other thing I noticed was that the sort of middle of the work was bolded, and I couldn't really tell why? It didn't really seem to add much to the poem, and mostly just distracted me from the piece itself. That's just my thoughts, though!

Anyway, I thought it was a pretty cool poem! Keep it up! c:

-Holysocks

thanks for the review! and yes, i agree with everything you said, and I'll be sure to improve :)

You're welcome! C:

User avatar
AlexaBWill
Review

This is really, really great. I like the flow of it, and even though I'm not very familiar with meters, I think it comes across as very intentional in its flow (Whereas poetry can sometimes seem to be lacking purposeful flow). I do, however, think that - if it doesn't disrupt the meter or your intention - writing "you" instead of "The Story of You" would work better in the context of the style. Also, when you use things like "Once upon a time" and "ne'er," I think that could be a bit cliche and overwritten UNLESS you change the entire poem to really have an authentic ballad/epic feel to it. The tone and style of the poem just seems a little confused right now.

User avatar
Swetachowdhury0
Comment

Wow, it's amazing..... You are so so amazing and thank u for sharing this.. It's really beautiful and a great piece of work.. Amazing...keep it up..

User avatar
Lib
Comment

Literally, my only words are:

KEEP ON WRITING! THIS IS AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

~Liberty500

User avatar
Horisun
Comment

This is amazing! And so beautiful! I have zero criticism. You don't need to change a single thing.

thanks. it means a lot. most people said it was nice but lacked "substance" when i showed it to them a couple years ago, so i was bit....dubious publishing this.



Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash