loser's defence was an experimental effort and feels like it didnt work too well. but thanks for your take on this poem, criticism like this definitely helps! 
-torsa
To love
Every morning breaks through the fans,
Of the palms quiet groves.
The seaside fishermen return as,
The lush waves summon.
River twins the Padma and the Ganges,
Slither to enter morn from night.
The intoxicated creatures of idyll world,
Open up and tend to light.
The wet yellow drapery clings to my chest,
As the roving eyes complain of unrest.
While outside crows and white pigeons,
Cry out their senses.
The frills of my long hair shine bright,
Tamed by water.
My night’s worn out odour is shed,
A new aroma bathes me-thy incenses.
Every such morning a lot passed by,
Unnoticed, unreported.
A lot will pass so………….
Like ever before.
The love-moon waxes and the same way,
It will wane!
Its just strange how the symmetrical nature
Even whose dust deposition is uniform!
Has given rise to such a crescent---
One sided, ever thirsty
Year after year- for a mystic deity.
The pangs of love---
And on your dispossession,
The poetry of virginity.
loser's defence was an experimental effort and feels like it didnt work too well. but thanks for your take on this poem, criticism like this definitely helps!
-torsa
I liked this poem a lot better than your other one (A loser's defence). Still not totally crazy about the formal style, but it worked a lot better. My teeny little nitpick: The comma at the end of the 1st stanza, third line is out of place. And I really don't think the super-long ellipse after "A lot will pass so" is needed. A simple comma will suffice.
Personally, I liked the second stanza the best. I thought it was especially will done. Keep it up!
hi angel,
thank you for your compliments. truly excited when someone likes this poem!
-torsa
I love the poem, the imagery in the words you wrote were beautiful. You are very talented
it was wonderful to know thatb you people liked this one. actually this poem is very close to my heart.
This was a lovely poem. I especially like this part:
The intoxicated creatures of idyll world,
Open up and tend to light.
I thinkI shall worship you, because this poem left me awe-struck. Beautifully written, my favourite lines were
"The love-moon waxes and the same way,
It will wane!
Its just strange how the symmetrical nature
Even whose dust deposition is uniform!
Has given rise to such a crescent---
One sided, ever thirsty
Year after year- for a mystic deity.
The pangs of love---
And on your dispossession,
The poetry of virginity."
You are an amazing writer. Don't give it up.
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