Published October 31, 2005
My mystique groom
Mystique riders to the sea of life
Appear just once.
They then dissolve away forever
Leaving a note for the muzzy soul to dance.
Their sight act as hallucinogen-
An unresolved maze of enigma,
But an obsession they are to pursue
Beyond all vain stigma.
The morning star’s saucy-son
Pierces the heart to pieces
Whenever on their departure
The winking eye reminisces.
But what is in an imperfect opposite form
That we blunt mortals restlessly pine for?
Tears from the pang of sunder are born
Of ideal lust and ebullient love strong.
The love for love,
The passion for passion at night…
And strange idols of imagination
Concealing better sight.
And then…
Years and years of wait,
Miles and miles separate
Two forms that previously never met
Fall for the each other- is that fate?
Why real world truths never touch
That inhibiting form which in poor veins run?
And if it were so why don’t we completely get
That which in dream we had carefully spun?
Why is love a stinging scar
Disguised in the illusory shape of fun?
Why does love for that mystifying groom
One day as hopeless satiety return?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,395 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
thanx for all the appreciation and crit. it definitely helps. i'll try to revise the stuff and use a more 'intense' language as you said.
thanks, anyways!
Agreed, it was beautiful. However, I was able to provide some criticism.
Your rhyme scheme, though cleverly placed in some areas, was choppy in others. Also, that line, "Fall for eachother-is that fate?" I know what you were going for there, but it sort of distorts the rhythm of the poem, the naturally-developed and harp-accompanied flow.
Finally, if a minstrel were playing this poem as a song, I would imagine it on a harp in a grand setting with beauty and flowers and love and whatever else. The only problem is your idea is meant to be stormy. While you protray one idea of mystery and gloom among romance, you cover your genius theme with a beautiful style of writing. Perhaps look into more intense language use? Go for painful realization instead of recognition through beauty.
Again, though, beautiful.
I just dont know why you dont get any comments, because your poems are beautiful! I dont have any crit for it. Its amongst the best i've read on here for a while! Yeehaw, purdy. I especially like the line..
*chuckles*
Yep, good work..as usual!