Dawn of creation
The clouds roared, wind cried.
The moon glistened, and sun sighed.
Earth enforced its wish with all might,
Time enforced its ultimate right-
All asking the creator to shower beauty as life.
The night and the day were already ripe.
The dusk gave a giant dive,
Into the vast ether seeking although
A quick fast way for dawn of life.
The elements of nature as
Fire, earth, wind, water and sky…
Came synchronised in-group of five.
There was the dawn of creation
In new buds of fresh
Flowering melody of ‘life’.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Much better.
thank you for your criticism. i have got rid of some of the 'the' in stanza one and yes i realise it sounds better.
thank you again!
-torsa
Yes, I didn't like the "The" in the beginning, it kinda gets on your nerves.
Very nice, I really liked it. Wonderful work.
-*Twinkles
Impressive indeed, but the overly hyped use of "The" in the beginning of half of the poem was annoying.
*claps* very impressive indeed m'lady. But I think it would be waaay better if you read the poem while listening to a great song, it has more effect to it,..