Tearing through the field of grass, she though the world would never bring her harm. The belief that she could do anything was immediately destroyed by many human stereotypes and preconceived ideas. They put notions into her head that never belonged there. They clawed at her, trying to tear her apart, but all she thought about was that one day, when those people tricked her into thinking harm and hatred was not a thing, then jumped on her like prey.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey.
Welcome to YWS
Okay is this like, a rough skeleton? Umm, there's a typo in your first paragraph. Then, I liked your description, I found some imagery. Then, I think you could really add more, I don't know why but I feel this has a lot of potential, you could actually turn it into a really interesting story.
You can add so much into it, it's like you've given out an idea. It's your idea, so work on it and make it totally credible to you okay?
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
I like this because it not only describes how you feel but what you get from those around you. This is very dramatic and real. I would like to see some more works from you! Keep it up tmalm1!
Hey Trin!
Wow! I had noooo idea!!! I'm speechless! This is incredible! I love how you made the story yours and used cool metaphors and similes to get the point across. I also appreciated the word choice you used. That made the piece even more interesting!
You truly have a gift! I'm so glad you signed up! I look forward to reading more.
~Elephant
This puts a whole new meaning to short story. This is pretty good. I suppose that it was a thought put down on paper. I like it.
Only one question. Are you going to expound on this?
There was one mistake that I caught:
"Tearing through the field of grass, she though the world would never bring her harm."
Thought.
So, this is also pretty deep for how short it is. It can mean a whole lot of things. The thing I got was a change from innocent child to grown up life. It makes me think.
It serves it's purpose, a piece of life, but this feels very much like a poem.
Tearing through the field of grass,
She thought the world would never harm her.
The belief that she could to anything
destroyed by stereotypes and preconcieved thoughts.
They put thought in her head that shouldn't be there,
thoughts that should be abolished.
They clawed at her, trying to tear her,
but all she could think about was that day in the field.
When those people had tricked her into thinking,
that harm, hatred, and evil did not exist.
Then they pounce, weapons ready,
slaughtering her like common prey.
As you can see, it's so short and melodic that it can be easily change into a poem, and I believe it would be easier to get the feeling across. Also, clarify that you mean the day in the field, otherwise it's slightly confusing, and I had to think for a moment to realize. Overall, very sweet and simple. But not really a short story, more of a poem, so I'd suggest tweaking it and reuploading it as such.
Keep writing!!
~Authorian