In the Shadows

by tmaestro101

  • Short Story

Published April 1, 2009

[/b]IN the Shadows

Can one become blind and still see the beauty of colored places?

"Hello? Is anybody there? Anyone at all?" she yelled. There, the world lay vivid but silent in front of her and she turned an unintentional deaf ear as she realized that she wasn't going to get an answer. Looking around the inland city she had noticed that not much had changed. She smiled uncertainly and walked down the boulevard while noticing the unusual murkiness that had been the forever-vibrant color.

Almost two years ago she had woken up, the pressure of her head pushing down upon her crusted eyes as she lifted her body off of the old stained mattress. Must've slept the wrong way again, she thought, as she decided that (this ache was nothing out of the ordinary.)

Her arms shot up, coming back to their respected sides at a snail's pace as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head. Only her eyes turned away from the mirror, looking for those old washed-up jeans that she had worn. As she pulled the jeans up, jumping once or twice to avoid the unwanted cold, her fingers felt something. She pulled out a small rutted piece of paper from the inside of her pocket. Before she could read it, her older sister Isabelle, called a long dragged out call, "Dylan!" (She didn't turn, budge, or even look to see where the voice had come from.) Here eyes stayed glued to the mirror as she heard light footsteps coming up the stairs.

Her name was Dylan, formally known as Dylan Saunders, the tall, lengthy seventeen year old from California who had a natural born enthusiasm for trouble. Usually she would have sprinted down the stairs after one minute of her sister's strain on her ears. Today was different.

The door swung open and Dylan, with her hands by her sides, did not move but kept her eyes on the mirror. Isabelle walked slowly towards her, uncertain at first, then returned to her regular pace. Warm hands landed gently on Dylan's shoulders and massaged her as her sister's lips came close and whispered, "you will be okay."

The long drive to the hospital was (neither relaxing nor interesting) to Dylan and Isabelle understood so. Dylan hated doctors. The idea of blood, shots, surgery, and illness all fell into her lip quivering discomfort zone. Dylan turned to Isabelle, "you won't be able to get me in there you know that, right?"

"I have a few tricks up my sleeve."

The car came to a slow easy halt as Isabelle pulled into a parking space. She got out and walked around to Dylan's side and opened the door even though she had no intention of letting her sister out. She knelt down and whispered, "stay her...I'll be back." Isabelle turned and started walking for the hospital shivering as she felt her sister's eyes follow her threw the glass doors to the lobby.

She walked threw a short hallway to find the receptionist sitting behind the front desk. "Where's is Doctor Ray's office" she asked. The receptionist looked confused but pointed Isabelle down a long hallway, which she started walking threw until she stopped when she saw the words "Dr. Charlie Ray" plastered against the door. She knocked twice but entered without a formal response. "Dr. Ray! Are you here? It's about Dylan!"

"Yes, yes. I know!" Isabelle turned to watch a small figure hobble out of the shadows.

"What can we do?" Isabelle asked.

"This isn't easy to say but I've looked at the x-rays that I've taken of Dylan over the last year or so and what she presumed to be a headache is actually malignant growth. It's small but it's somewhat powerful. It can cause permanent defects on her major senses."

"Wait, what does she have?" Isabelle asked.

"A tumor."

Isabelle stared at him, her mouth open wide with horro but turned running out of his office as he watched the door slam behind her. Once outside, she walked quickly but calmly to the car in order to get Dylan. The placid feeling vanished when Isabelle saw her sister. (Dylan was pale, her color had faded. She had lost conciousness) and Isabelle proceeded to carry her into Dr.Ray's office.

"Dylan!" No answer came. "Dylan!" The silence reigned. Isabelle shook her. Dylan's eyes opened and stared in shock. The world, everything was on the grey-scale. Isabelle smiled, happy to see her sister's response. "Oh, good. You're okay!" said Isabelle as she threw her arms around Dylan to hug her.

"What did you say?" Dylan noticed her mouth moving as she thought these words but she did not hear them come out of her mouth. She didn't hear anything, she couldn't. She repeatedly spoke out loud while listening for the sounds as she tried to convince herself that she wasn't going crazy. Isabelle's eyes grew big with fear as she watched her sister struggle to get out of the office. She turned to Doctor Ray, "what should we do?"

"Nothing, she needs to come to terms with this on her own, like I did. Let her go." Isabelle watched as Dylan swung the door open and ran out of his office, letting the door slam behind her. She ran out of the hospital into the open street, grabbing the arms of random pedestrians in order to find out what was wrong with her.

"Hello? Is anybody there? Anyone at all?" she yelled. There, the world lay vivid but silent in front of her.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Oct 26, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Well this was a pretty interesting story to say the least. There were some pretty interesting elements to it, and rather ones too at that. And I think you did a pretty good job of capturing something like that in action even though the circumstances they happen under seem a touch unrealistic.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Can one become blind and still see the beauty of colored places?


Well now that is quite the question to be starting things off with that you've got right there. Definitely does a really good job of getting a person completely hooked to the story immediately.

"Hello? Is anybody there? Anyone at all?" she yelled. There, the world lay vivid but silent in front of her and she turned an unintentional deaf ear as she realized that she wasn't going to get an answer. Looking around the inland city she had noticed that not much had changed. She smiled uncertainly and walked down the boulevard while noticing the unusual murkiness that had been the forever-vibrant color.


Umm..alright, not the clearest of descriptions, at least in my opinion but it certainly works as a setting so points for that.

Almost two years ago she had woken up, the pressure of her head pushing down upon her crusted eyes as she lifted her body off of the old stained mattress. Must've slept the wrong way again, she thought, as she decided that (this ache was nothing out of the ordinary.)


Um alright now it looks like we be taking a peek somewhat backwards in time.

Her arms shot up, coming back to their respected sides at a snail's pace as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head. Only her eyes turned away from the mirror, looking for those old washed-up jeans that she had worn. As she pulled the jeans up, jumping once or twice to avoid the unwanted cold, her fingers felt something. She pulled out a small rutted piece of paper from the inside of her pocket. Before she could read it, her older sister Isabelle, called a long dragged out call, "Dylan!" (She didn't turn, budge, or even look to see where the voice had come from.) Here eyes stayed glued to the mirror as she heard light footsteps coming up the stairs.


Now that is a nice description right there, seems very realistic to how such an activity would be conducted and it establishes a nice sense of this whole thing being a very normal process that is to be interupted by something unusual.

The door swung open and Dylan, with her hands by her sides, did not move but kept her eyes on the mirror. Isabelle walked slowly towards her, uncertain at first, then returned to her regular pace. Warm hands landed gently on Dylan's shoulders and massaged her as her sister's lips came close and whispered, "you will be okay."


And I love the relationship that's immediately being established between the two sisters here. Also feels very real and shows you her earlier comment was all just in good fun.

The long drive to the hospital was (neither relaxing nor interesting) to Dylan and Isabelle understood so. Dylan hated doctors. The idea of blood, shots, surgery, and illness all fell into her lip quivering discomfort zone. Dylan turned to Isabelle, "you won't be able to get me in there you know that, right?"

"I have a few tricks up my sleeve."


Well that sounds very ominous right there when coupled with that opening line.

The car came to a slow easy halt as Isabelle pulled into a parking space. She got out and walked around to Dylan's side and opened the door even though she had no intention of letting her sister out. She knelt down and whispered, "stay her...I'll be back." Isabelle turned and started walking for the hospital shivering as she felt her sister's eyes follow her threw the glass doors to the lobby.


She couldn't have just whispered this while inside the car? Seems kind of strange to get and and walk to the other side, open a door and then talk.

She walked threw a short hallway to find the receptionist sitting behind the front desk. "Where's is Doctor Ray's office" she asked. The receptionist looked confused but pointed Isabelle down a long hallway, which she started walking threw until she stopped when she saw the words "Dr. Charlie Ray" plastered against the door. She knocked twice but entered without a formal response. "Dr. Ray! Are you here? It's about Dylan!"


I'm pretty sure that you need to go through a few more steps than that before you can actually meet a doctor so a bit low on the accuracy there.

"This isn't easy to say but I've looked at the x-rays that I've taken of Dylan over the last year or so and what she presumed to be a headache is actually malignant growth. It's small but it's somewhat powerful. It can cause permanent defects on her major senses."

"Wait, what does she have?" Isabelle asked.

"A tumor."


Well...yup...those are some truly terrifying words that you really don't want to be hearing at any point in your life.

Isabelle stared at him, her mouth open wide with horro but turned running out of his office as he watched the door slam behind her. Once outside, she walked quickly but calmly to the car in order to get Dylan. The placid feeling vanished when Isabelle saw her sister. (Dylan was pale, her color had faded. She had lost conciousness) and Isabelle proceeded to carry her into Dr.Ray's office.


Umm...just like that, she's unconscious. That seems kind of weird.

"Dylan!" No answer came. "Dylan!" The silence reigned. Isabelle shook her. Dylan's eyes opened and stared in shock. The world, everything was on the grey-scale. Isabelle smiled, happy to see her sister's response. "Oh, good. You're okay!" said Isabelle as she threw her arms around Dylan to hug her.


Well...there comes the connection to the opening. Sounds like a pretty terrifying experience.

"Nothing, she needs to come to terms with this on her own, like I did. Let her go." Isabelle watched as Dylan swung the door open and ran out of his office, letting the door slam behind her. She ran out of the hospital into the open street, grabbing the arms of random pedestrians in order to find out what was wrong with her.

"Hello? Is anybody there? Anyone at all?" she yelled. There, the world lay vivid but silent in front of her.


Um...damage of that magnitude cause such specific senses to malfunction is kinda of...convenient...it doesn't seem too realistic but her reaction to that horrifying situation wasn't too bad. You could certainly feel some of that confusion and growing terror there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a pretty interesting capturing a very real problem that many people do face and I feel that you've done a great job with showing the results of such a thing. And that's about all I've to say right now. :)

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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tmaestro101 Comment
tmaestro101 commented Comment · Apr 1, 2009

yay! i am the first to comment! she is my roomie and she is awesome! -alena



Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— Apple Inc.