Ghost

Hello.

You have an interesting piece, here. The last line in particular is really strong and, pardon the pun, haunting. As for the work itself, I feel it's somewhere between the line of prose and poetry, which isn't what you normally see. Unfortunately, this means I'm not quite sure what to make of it and feel the poem is tripping up in areas like flow.

First off, tiny technical thing to watch out for: internal rhyme. You have two lines that end in "again", making a weak rhyme, then in your third sentence you have "place" and "take" which was just close enough in sound I noticed. Rhyming is best when it's consistent, simply because brains look for patterns. By not having any established pattern, it draws attention to the formatting instead of the poem itself.

As for your flow. While there's nothing wrong with prose poetry and keeping everything closed off, you might want to try making it each thought doesn't have its own line and/or stanza. Every once and awhile it's effective, but right now, you have a poem that doesn't naturally go from one place to the next. Breaking up the poem means ideas start bleeding across lines, meaning it reads more coherently instead of a bunch of individual thoughts.

I'd also love to see the haunted house metaphor spread throughout the poem, just to richen up your language and make this more vivid.

Overall, I would check out this article for some editing tips that will help you see this poem in a new light. The concepts here are really clever and just need some polish to get something magical.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

I love it. It's basically saying you're just a replacement, in the background. The extra friend no one really truly thrives on or couldn't do with out.

I just love how you put it, as a ghost. and that you're haunting yourself.

I love how it's able to be related to the outsider. You did really great.

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I really like the poem! You definitely poured some sorrow into your words, and I've got a suggestion.
When you use a metaphor it is often important to draw parallels between the subject and object of the metaphor. You've drawn several parallels between yourself and a ghost here. The only parallel you didn't draw was feeling dead. I assume the character, to some extent, feels dead.

There is one criticism I have, and it's minor. "Every place I've visited is haunted by me, trying to become visible, trying to get away from this cold loneliness," is a good line, but the way you've worded it makes it seem like the places are trying to become visible rather than you. You might want to rephrase that line just a bit.

Good job!