I hold her slim neck tightly.
Tighter and tighter
With every thought.
I'm not letting her out of my hands.
I'm trying to strangle her
But she is the one choking me.
I beg the next breath.
A bitter taste in my mouth.
The room is spinning with me
While standing still.
She looks at me and laughs.
She's strong and it turns out I'm not.
My thoughts are a beautiful chaos.
The tolerance of everything.
The next morning is a small price
for the easier now.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey, NewYork here for a review(:
I love the personification of the alcohol bottle, making it seem like a person. This poem can be very relatable to a variety of people who drink or know someone who does. It has a sad and powerless tone that is easily detectable. I can really picture the strangling, at first I picture a human strangling and second, a person being strangled by their addiction. This is really powerful, and that's what attracts a lot of readers. Keep on writing!
Hi! Thank you so much for the review, it means a lot to me! (Especially for a poem such as this one, which is rather personal)
Ok, I had to read this twice to understand what was the "She". Anyway, I think you should restrict this to 12 plus, because of beer. I didn't see any mistakes in this, as this was short, so I really don't have much to say. Anyway, writing.....good?
Hi! I'll make sure I'll restrict it, even though I didn't mention any alcohol (which was a bottle of brandy). Thank you for the comment!
Hey tintomara138,
Bravo! This is one hell of a poem. I don't know what to say. Most of the people over here talk about grammar, punctuation and vocabulary while reviewing. Sure, these things are important. But for me the most significant aspect and the essence of a writing, especially a poem, is the emotion attached to it. And how well the poet is able to convey the emotion. And here you excel at that. Having said that, even the grammar, punctuation and para-phrasing in this poem s on point. But I have a small doubt. Even though you've put across everything clearly but I am always a confused reader. I just wanted to ask, is it the bottle of alcohol or the bottle of poison?
Hey! Thank you so much for the review! You don't know how much the words you said mean to me. (It's the bottle of alcohol.)
My absolute pleasure
I don't want to miss out on your posts so I've followed you. Hope to read more soon. 
Bdw, I blog at www.thebipolarbeing.blogspot.com , in case you want to read sometime